Episode Part 2

( please refer to Episode Part 1 before reading this. Thanks )

Yes, the abyss was definitely the ground that I was standing on now. Seems like the world was revolving fast and I could not catch up with it or rather that I had been deceived by the reality of life itself or was I not strong enough to face it? Was I going against the principal of life: the way it works? ‘Success’ was the word that I ate and slept together with my heart and soul. What was it that went missing from the picture? So, I started to scrutinize the existence of myself at that instant on the pavement. May be if I dug my mind and memory deep enough, another picture would emerge, another point of view where my life was not worthless as it was now.

Rain started drizzling miserably but that would not seem to be the problem for more miserable oneself like me. Then I felt my body was pounded by the rain drops because they were representing more than just a cluster of molecules of water. They were representing the status of my morale. The fact that I would be sitting on the pavement while raining and slipping into my own loneliness. I didn’t even have the enthusiasm to move and stayed under the shelter. What good a physical shelter would do when my soul was pounded by harshness of real life? May be I was just retarded enough to ask for somebody’s shelter even though I was an adult. But ‘People are not like islands’. We might born alone and most likely die alone but we would not survive alone while we were breathing. Something was dragging me down. I wished that if I stayed here like this long enough, I might even passed out, in that case, I might slip away from my current problem. But it wasn’t certainly mature thoughts so I smiled at it.

Across the boulevard people were walking in pair or at least more than two. Pathetically, I tried to find someone who would be walking alone. Fortunately, I could not find one. It was a good thing to know. To be known that not another soul was in dire state like me. People were holding hands, with their love ones, relatives and friends. A couple I saw were wearing exactly the same T-shirt, same jeans, same shoes and even the same necklace. They even laughed at the same time. Perhaps they were exactly sharing the same happiness. Love must have wrapped these two around that outrageously, they became as one? Some with kids, laughing and eating ice cream. All their facial expression were peaceful and I could not see anything serious of their faces. They were living their lives. Was that so? Then what made them able to walk the way of life with a smile? More exactly, how did they live? As a matter of fact, they didn’t seem to be alone like me now.

“Don’t worry, about a thing, coz every little thing’s gonna be alright”. It was my ring-tone. My phone was ringing. But I didn’t want to pick it up now because I still want to listen to this cheerful music. It was Bob Marley’s ‘Three Little Birds’. I tried to keep focus on the music because it was starting to erase the seriousness that had overwhelmed me. May be like the song said, every little tiny things would going to be all right.

 I tried to forget about the luxurious things that I wanted because my mind was easily deceived by my various desire that the real important things went slipped from my grip. I always wanted to become richer even though I knew that money could not buy love. No matter how decorated and how large my house was, it would never going to be a ‘home’. I knew money could buy best medical treatment but not good health. I knew money could buy happiness but not bliss. Nevertheless, now was the living proof of the way of life that I had lived. May be this redundancy had been waiting for me to realize that people came first rather than materialism. May be it had been waiting for me to realize how lonely I was to be preoccupied by work which would only brings me money. I guess when your soul was consumed by greed love would be like a barren place and reaching out for human faith was like a journey which I didn’t have a map for.

 

Nyi

12.3.2011