Episode

When I was in the episode I always felt like I couldn’t breathe, like some invisible person was choking me to death, while whispering the following single phrase repeatedly:’ You lost’. These simple two words could knock me down into the utter pit of desolation at a time like this. The time when I was broke. The time when I got fired. The time when everything that I worked for over two years had finally been crushed by a single blow. A blow disguised in polite words and these words coming out of my boss that said ‘We appreciate your participation in the work group but we certainly do not want our valuable seat taken by incompetence person’. ‘Incompetence’, yes, that was the word which made me almost burst into fury. Every day I clocked in and clocked out of this despicable place called office. Sat down, chat a little gossip, went to my work group, and had brainstorming section. And that was mostly what we did all day: brainstorming.

I had been working on this toy project for almost six months and I had been really enjoying it. I thought finally my luck was about to be changed. But I was wrong again like the previous time and the time before that. It seemed that I just didn’t fit to stay alive and followed my dream which I was still figuring out what it should be.

I tried to fight back to my situation. But there was no way that I could accept this. So I could not make improvements and as result, I was like rat in maze, didn’t know where I had been and most likely would not know where I want to go .I heard a quote that said ‘Losing a job is like death of relative’. But then everyone at worked were like my relatives and I felt like I was dead. Feeling numb and walking like a wanderer with disheveled clothes of mine one the pavement would really had made a fine portrait of a loser. I didn’t want to go back home, at least not now. I tried to call my closest friend but on the second thought I didn’t, feeling that I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. While fighting back to the fact that I was lonely at time like this, fear of people that I loved seeing me like this had sheltered me from getting in touch with them and as a consequence, I had dug more deeply into the abyss.

 

nyi

2.11.2010

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting opening chapter. You open a lot if interesting questions. I had to read a second time to grasp the complete story in the chapter. I like the ending to the story. A abyss allow the story to go on. A excellent story. Made me think this evening.
Coyote

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is honest and powerful writing.
I wish you the best in your career.