Loner

Just another piece of writing

I couldn’t help thinking how I ended up like this. It had been the same thing over and over again. I felt like I was running in a circle, no matter desperate I was and how much effort I took, I would only reach the point where I started. It was a total waste. To find the answer to this predicament of mine was like solving riddles in the dark, just blank. People are like islands, no matter how close they seem they are, actually, they are apart.

What is the true meaning of relationship? Is it about companionship? Is it about comfort? Is it just about sex? Is it about redemption? After all people say love has redemptive power although I had never ever experienced it in my whole life. Could it could be a propaganda of love? It would be a miracle to experience this redemption and obvious that it wasn’t meant for everyone, only those who deserved. But who was judging this? For me, I thought about how pathetic human life was. We were all born alone and most of us would die alone but we were afraid to live alone. We were blinded by our own fear of spending live alone that love finally came only as an illusion to us. Or still our desperation had degraded the so called ‘prestige of love’? Would it sound more reasonable? Whatever the reason behind this ideology, for me, I was apparently lost inside it.

It had been over a week now. But I still couldn’t sleep at nights. I even took pill last night but that didn’t help. During day-time, it didn’t hurt this much as I could have the luxury of preoccupying my mind in work unless when I happened to be alone. My mind just drifted to the disaster of my relationship or should I add the word ‘previous’ relationship when I was alone. Night like this was the worst, dark and cold, made you longing for the existence of another person beside you in the bed. There was this single particular question bothering my mind which was making me unable to sleep. Couldn’t find the answer to simple three words, ‘why?’ Why did she leave me? It was kind of like alarm. That question just popped out every second when I didn’t have anything to put my mind upon. And when it did, every time it hurt like someone was stabbing me and the knife cut through my heart like it did through butter, swift and completely making it in half.

When I first met her, it was like walking on clouds. Just watching her was amazing and addictive. Her luxurious hair which was always neatly in pony-tail, slender body, oval face with long eye lashes and rosy lips were all the features a man would crave for. Of course her personality counted also. It was nothing unusual except that she worshipped her own vanity of her beauty and her short temper. Those two facts were hugely main problems in our relationship. But I was madly in love with her that I almost gave up my self-esteem for her. I obeyed her like a faithful dog and like a watchful guardian. Why I did what I did? Why I acted the way I did? It was plainly stupid. She was undeniably pretty, period. That was not a matter to question. Was it enough for a man to give up his self-esteem for her love? I didn’t think so. But whatever should the answer be I didn’t realize what I meant to her until I found out that I was just another pawn in her game. It was such a terrible blow to me. But that was not enough to shock me. What really shocked me was that until now I was madly still in love with her! Brainlessly, love had drowned reasons. That was just it.

Now after midnight, couldn’t help myself noticing that I was acting like a delirious person and lost in the dark. My life seemed aimless. Or was I just being serious? Anyway right this moment, it was an unarguable fact that I was desperately alone and I was alone in the dark….

 

Nyi

( 9.10.2010 )

Author's Note

I don't think many ppl read stories on this site..i would appreciate the comments..any kind of it...thanks for reading this..

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Yes love will be the hardest thing for us to understand in in a life. Sometime things don't fall right and we are left alone. A lot of times we will struggle with the why's? A excellent poem. I could feel the struggle with a heartbreak. Then you told the story of the beginning and ending of love.
Coyote

[Rory CJ Frankson]

Well some of us do and write shorts and post books. Yes, it is fewer than poetry yet we take in those who write. I think you protrayal speaks for what it is, that loss of something held as precious. The dark emotion that comes in that period. The characters emotions are as vivid as are his questions. It has the needed elements of the short story. As it is a type of Love Story, it covers the topic and the emotions are felt. It is where the definition is in for this story...
The location of self.