She

perhaps my first meaningful love poem?

 In real life, love is a fantasy

For love is divine and rarely grant its clemency

Surrounded by people and still I’m alone

Feeling distant especially at home

As I reach out for her through the wall of her vanity

She keeps reminding me of my life being mediocrity

A touch of her love is what I seek

Even it means I will bleed

No matter how much she reaps my heart

To elude myself from darkest loneliness, she’s still the spark

Her raving beauty implants an insect inside my brain

It feasts on my consciousness and my reasons start to drain

Frantically, I have let my emotions sail

Blind faith is the mast but I still don’t think I’m going to fail

For I won’t let myself ends up in that situation

As my mind and body are consumed by my own obsession

She beats me up with words but that’s still fine

I’ll be devoted to her till the end of time

 

Nyi

( 13.7.2010 )

Author's Note

I just want to say about the title..the first one that came into my head is 'Vaccine' but that would mean some regret..so i put aside and then came 'Love Story' but i thought this is still not truly romantic..so i ends up with this simple title..i think it does represent the whole poem..and kindly please leave some comments...i rarely write about love and i hate reading love poems..lol..the story that i wrote here is about a very lonely guy falls in love with a girl who completely dislikes him...poor guy really..

Reviews

[Devons]

A nicely written and rhymed piece of poetry that has a satisfying overall effect. Its perspective hovers on the line it seems it dare not cross in either direction: as if to live off the obsession of the object of its theme. The imbalance of such a love is clearly depicted and evoked within the lines, with the masochistic suffering of the blighted victim of that emotion. The smoky smell of a losing battle drifts from within and in between the lines.
"Her raving beauty implants an insect inside my brain
It feasts on my consciousness and my reasons start to drain"
..These lines are particularly good, and encapsulate the whole feeling of weakness and disease which is part of infatuation, whether it truly be love or not.
Nicely done.

[deeps]

Frantically, I have let my emotions sail
Blind faith is the mast but I still don’t think I’m going to fail

I really enjoyed these two lines right here. This is a amazing write here.
Wonderful write.

[R E Tree]

I think She is the best title to suit this kind of poem. I do sense a spark of romance in this and it is written so beautifully. I adore these two lines "No matter how much she reaps my heart." and "To elude myself from darkest loneliness, she’s still the spark". What remarkable lines they give the poem a really creative flow. I noticed the personification "Frantically, I have let my emotions sail" it makes the poem well worth reading.

[Dinesh Sairam]

Hmm.. I don't know if this is romantic, but it's good. A mixture of good and not-so-good lines. Forced lines in very few places. Uneven. I especially loved the couplet

"As I reach out for her through the wall of her vanity
She keeps reminding me of my life being mediocrity"

About the theme, yeah, I feel sad for him. I wish everyone's first love stays and is the perfect love for their whole life. Unfortunately, it never once happens. Well, you said it, 'Life is mediocre' (:

Kudos. Keep writing.

[Coyote Poetry]

We who understand the glory of love. We know we will be tested. I like this poem. The person in this poem had a hand full and but he appreciate her with a true love. I like the ending. A outstanding poem.
Coyote