Four Stories

Story 30 – Fingernails

Robby "Spoon" Dunkin never grew out of the habit of chewing his nails.  For twenty long years Spoon would gnaw on his finger friends and spit out the remains onto his floor.  After awhile the jagged boomerangs started to pile up, and his mother made it a point to bring it to Spoon's attention.

            "Robert please clean this mess up.  These fingernails of yours have got to go," she explained in a cowardly manner.

            "But mother you never know when they might come in handy," he replied.  This reason settled Mother's nerves for a while, but eventually she felt that the topic must be brought up again.

            "Robert this is getting out of hand.  Your father collected forty bags worth of these little critters and placed them in a storage garage.  And everytime I open your door more of these things spill out into the hallway.  You really need to get rid of them," she begged.  Spoon had only one response.

            "But mother you never know when they might come in handy."  This was beginning to get on Mother's nerves.

            Eventually the Dunkin family had to purchase the neighbor's house to store all of their new family members.  It was one hot summer day that Mother Dunkin purchased a pool from the local mega-mart, but was furious to find that the water had been turned off due to a poison scare.

            "Pumrussell," she said under her breath, fearing that the neighbors may have heard her.  Already not in the best of spirits, mother was not in the mood to deal with Spoon's fingernails today.

            "Robert you are getting these sinful things out of these houses immediately!" she bellowed.  Spoon, who knew of mother's problem with the water and wanting to become a problem solver when he grew old, decided to help out.

            "Take the nails and fill the pool."

            Mother, who at first thought this to be an insult, felt she had nothing to lose and tried Spoon's idea.  Needless to say mother never bathed using regular water again.

Story 31 – Cereal

Tim Sitfield eats a bowl of cereal every morning for breakfast.  During which times he watches the news.

            "There was a terrible murder on Heck Street," announces the Newsman, "and judging by this picture of the skinned corpse it seems to be Mrs. Claude Sitfield of Pendleton County."

Although this may startle the average independent thinker, Tim is in the middle of eating his cereal and cannot be disturbed.

            Tim's father Dug comes running into the room.  "Tim, that crazy gym teacher of yours killed your mother!" he yells.  Tim looks up at his father.

            "I'm eating," he explains.  Dug collapses to the ground.  He's having a heart attack.

            Tim continues eating his cereal.

 

Story 32 – The Spinning Chair

The Riggard Family have recently purchased a home computer.  Along with this new home improvement the Riggards have bought a new desk, as well as a comfortable new chair.  It would be the worst mistake of their lives.

When Mother and Father Riggard brought these new items into their home, their son Roodolf was delighted that his parents decided to enter the 21^st century.

"It took a while to get to this point, but we've finally arrived," yelled father as he opened the computer box with an axe.

It took them hours to set up the computer, but it was well worth the wait.  $2300 to play computer games is just what the doctor ordered.

Mother and Father warned little Roodolf not to play on the computer while they are at work, as he is on summer break, and Roodolf broke this rule on day one.  What a terrible decision that was.

While waiting for the computer to load up one Steptember morn, Roodolf noticed that the computer chair spun around in a very fun manner.  Roodolf found this to be more fun than any computer game, so he continued to spin.  Finally after thirty-seven minutes of constant spinning, Roodolf was hungry for lunch.  The only problem was he couldn't stop. 

When Mother and Father arrived home from a hard day rolling sleeping bags, they found the chair still spinning and Roodolf's heart not beating.   

 

Story 33 – Too Many Cables

Like most Americans, Lloyd Bridges had a lot of cables in his house.  Computer cables, Television cables, DVD cables, and also like most Americans they were all tangled up.  Lloyd just ignored this problem, but it would one day come back to haunt him.

Lloyd is busy preparing for a date with his boss's daughter Frank.  She is the most beautiful female trunk driver that Lloyd has ever smelt.  In his hurry, Lloyd's foot gets tangled in the cable mess as he is running out the door and he falls to the ground.

"Pink Flamingo!" he yells in anger.  He tries to undo the cable from his ankle, but inadvertently gets his hands tied up in the cable as well.  He is unable to free himself.  He is stuck.

The Police found him fourteen days later after being called by a neighbor for a weird smell coming from his house.  He never went on the date.

 

 

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Sometimes I feel like a sucker for attempting to decipher the messages behind your work, like a clueless art critic who blags that he comprehends an exhibition by bullshitting pompously...but I'm going with the assumption that there ARE points and things to be learnt from [some of] your stories.

FINGERNAILS
What happens when problem-solvers don't think outside the box...or maybe what happens when they do [maybe Robert wanted his Mum to die - or maybe she didn't die and I'm stupid] [?]

CEREAL
Desensitisation re: violence/tragedy[?]

SPINNING CHAIR
I don't know...kids, listen to your parents [?]
Avoid technology, stay safe [?]

TOO MANY CABLES
Fix something when you notice it [?]
More warnings re: too much technology [?]

Anyway, these were fun to read. Thanks for posting something new.

[nostal]

I love this! Nicely written, i was hooked since the first sentence.