Chapter One: Raise the Alarms

Take to battle...

Chapter One: Raise the Alarms

“ Raise the alarms! Archers, wedge formation!” shouted a sentry. Sirens wailed throughout the kingdom of Ariel. Soldiers had quickly formed at the main gates, while archers assembled in a wedge formation the stone walls. Panic was throughout the entire kingdom.

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“ Alea, please, we urge you to flee to safety. While you still can! This is a threat that none of us have ever predicted.” exclaimed Calandra, the captain of the wizard’s guild. Shout’s of concern, spread across the throne room from other members of the great council. “Silence! This is my kingdom and I will make the decision’s around here. I have ruled for over four centuries, fought against countless evils, and have never let my kingdom fall. Today is no exception. We will fight, quickly everyone to your posts!” the queen commanded. “ As you wish my Queen.” the council spoke in unison. Calandra and other wizards quickly teleported to the main gates, followed by the spell archer commander Leion. Talon, lord of the eagles followed suit along with the rest of the council.

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“Men, you must brace the gate. A earth giant approaches.” shouted the Commander Kilos. Four dozen soldiers’ instantly braced their bodies onto the marble gates. The wizard guild instantly began chanting a fire spell in unison“ monos primera fireora, monos primera fireora, monos primera fireora!” Out of the sky, a gargantuan fire ball targeted the giant. The giant, raced with rage towards the gate, only a few yards away, “ARGHHH” screamed the giant. He fell with great impact, slightly cracking the marble gates. “The orcs approach, c**k your bows men. Spell archers cast away.” shouted Leion. The mass of archers, swiftly knocked arrows onto their bows. While the spell archers carefully cast spells onto their arrows. The orcs hollowed in excitement seeing the mass of fresh elven meat and then suddenly began to race toward the wall with their siege ladders at hand. Leion took charge of his men once again, “ On my call men, ready! Aim! Hold it, hold it. Fire!” a surge of arrows struck the mass of orcs. Ladders began to swarm the walls, with orcs scaling them like wild apes. “Volley! Fire at will men!” another surge of arrows fell onto the orcs line again. A rainbow of arrows fell from the spell archers bows onto the unsuspecting orcs near the gate. “Reeeeeek. Reeeek!’ screeches of a unknown beast fell upon the kingdom. The elves began to sweat in fear of what was coming their way, while the orcs laughed delightfully. Out of no where the sky became grey, lighting and thunder crackled across the heavens. Out of no where two dragons, one blue, the other red, flew into the battle field. Flames scorched the elven warriors. Calandra and the other wizards quickly redirected their spell power towards the new foes. Sparks, balls, and streams of color struck the dragons right in their faces, causing immense pain. The dragons hurled balls of fire towards the archers. Orcs quickly swarmed the walls, overpowering the defenseless archers.

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“Your highness, are you absolutely sure you want to do this?” asked her loyal advisor Helen. “ This needs to be done. The twin dragons have been locked away for eternity, until today. They have very dark magic on their side now. I must do what ever is necessary to save my lands.” Alea assured. Alea suited up into her silver gleaming armor and mounted her winged horse Nila. With her staff in arm, she took to the sky. “ Fly swift Nila. Today is a day we will not forget.” Nila kicked her feet and wind gushed against her heels. Alea, began enclosing into the battle grounds. Spotting the twin dragons, she sent a surge of lighting balls towards them, without uttering a single word. The balls smashed slap dab into their coarse skin and began electrifying them. The dragons roared in pain. They suddenly flew straight towards Alea, bellowing a stream of red and blue flame. Alea conjured up a protective shield blocking the flames, and sent a stream of ice into their throats. The shards were lodged into each other jaws, causing the dragons to squeal in immense anger. The dragons made a dash towards the sky, Looking back one more time, in disgust against the high queen Alea.

Author's Note

Please provide comments, gramatical, spelling, structure, and content wise!

Reviews

[lAcEy_LoO's Poems Site]

I liked it!!!

[Amanda]

I like it so far...there are quite a few little grammatical errors, but those can be easily fixed.

"while archers assembled in a wedge formation the stone walls"--you need a preposition between "formation" and "the stone walls."

"Panic was throughout the entire kingdom"--panic needs to do something, whether it be "running rampant" or just rephrasing the sentence to "there was panic throughout the entire kingdom."

"As you wish my queen"--there should be a comma after "as you wish" because "my queen" is the noun you are addressing. The same thing with "on my call men"--you need the comma after "call."

There are some others, but basically you should just remember that "an" is used before words beginning with vowel sounds, such as "earth giant" in the third section. Also, titles, with the exception of "my lord" and "my lady," are normally capitalized, such as "Your Highness" and "Your Majesty." And queens are addressed as "Your Majesty" while princes and princesses are "Your Highness." If you want a total beta job on this story, tell me.

[Johnny Westbrook]

For starters, this is a great story and I think I can learn a thing or two from you and your writing, but as well, you do have a few errors...

In your opening paragraph, I believe that you was missing a word in one of your sentences... "Soldiers had quickly formed at the main gates, while archers assembled in a wedge formation the stone walls." probably should of been... "Soldiers had quickly formed at the main gates, while archers assembled in a wedge formation on the stone walls."

And " Alea, please, we urge you to flee to safety. While you still can!"... I don't know, I kind of feel that it should be all one sentence.

Look at the where you put your (" ")'s.... The wizard guild instantly began chanting a fire spell in unison" monos primera fireora, monos primera fireora, monos primera fireora!"

And in this one... " As you wish my Queen." (you put a space between the ( " ) and th (A).

The errors are nothing truly big and I'm not getting on you about them or nothing, I'm just trying to help you make it error free and show you some corrections.

Plus there are a few more misplaced ( " )'s, so you'll just have to go and read through it to find them all.

I like how you placed dragons, mages, creatures, an archers in your opening with a war going on. NOW THAT'S HOW TO GET EVERYONE'S ATTENTION!!

I guess I'm gonna call you my writing rival (lol) so you better watch out.

And I hope you don't give up on this story half way through. Continue writing to it, because I'll love to continue reading it all the way to the end.

I'll read and review the second chapter later within the week, you got me ready to go and write more to my Wizards and Warriors title.

I see that we're both gunning for something special with our fantasy titles... I hope we both make it to the top.

[NCPanthersgurl]

This is really good, I'll have to read more when I get time. =]

[[untitled]]

This is good! I liked the structure. How you separated each part made it so one part was just as important as the rest. I saw a few comma issues but it was nothing major. There weren't any distractions. You gave enough info to keep the reader wanting more. I can't wait to read the rest! This is good.