Delightful Drowning

Don't write many sappy love poems....but I am a girl so I had to write one!

Bathed in the light of the morning,
your porcelain skin beckons for me,
your eyes hold the oceans;

It is not even enough
to be as close
as two humans can
possibly be.

I swim in your essence,
bathe in your beauty,
Sink into your embrace,
I want nothing more than
to drown in everything that is you.

Reviews

[R. E. Knowlton I I I]

"I swim in your essence" is a great line; it offers many images, smells, auras, and feelings. That is the magic line of this piece.

Your final line of "I want nothing more than/to drown in everything that is you" is a meaty conclusion. It conjours the images of self sacrifice to be one with another. It is this emotional and metaphorically physical meld/melt that really shows the intensity of the poem.

One thing that stuck with me that I would maybe change would be the double usage of the word 'close' in the second stanza. something about it seemed to redundant with all of the other emotion swirls layed out and before us, the readers. It could just be me and maybe that was your intent, but I figured it might be worth pointing out.

All in all, excellent.

Be well.

Godspeed.

R.E. Knowlton III

[Matthew Marquis]

I hate to sound band-wagony, but I agree with Jefff and Gary. The last stanza is a stand-alone piece. The first two lack the energy and originality of the last stanza. Sometimes less is better. I'm not saying that the first two stanzas are bad I'm simply saying that they seem superfluous and unnecessary. I'd pull them. The last stanza has enough power and beauty to stand alone. Nice.

[Benarsi]

Simply beautiful, Tonya. Lovely and romantic. The imagery was perfect and the flow even more so. I love the last stanza:

'I swim in your essence,
bathe in your beauty,
Sink into your embrace,
I want nothing more than
to drown in everything that is you.'

Amazing! :) Your work is inspirational :) Thank you for sharing.

B.

[brittanyjane]

I want nothing more than to Drown in everything that is you

Great line! And it was well written the entire poem. It had good flow and imagery. Wonderful job on capturing the longing! Kudos to you!

[Bubo]

The title captures it all and your words were sunk in imagary!
Very romantic and moving!

[B]

For loving commitment is nothing if not entire and absolute....

I can only say that as a reader of this creation of yours, the first instinct I had upon completion was, 'the object of this form of affection must be aware of this sentiment. This is, indeed, the only way to love and be loved.'
Very effective poem because the main point is not hidden anywhere and it's made explicit.
Good work.

[Michael Carr]

The last stanza was especially welkl written, very enjoyable. moving and powerful prose through simple imagery. great job tanya!

[[untitled]]

Very deep hon.This expresses very clearly what it is to want someone that even if you are inside them or vice versa , it still wouldn't be close enough.That attraction is more magnetism , you don't know why or how , there is just the pull. Beautifully done Tonya , I applaude you and say simply .....Encore.

[Gary H]

Must agree with Jeff - and I usually do. The stanza he chose was the most impressive of the three for pure imagery. Saving the best till last? Actually would have enjoyed this as much if I had just read that one part as the whole poem.

Great work Tonya.

[Jeff "jazzman"..]

This is an awesome piece, I would not call it sappy at all, but passionate!

"I swim in your essence,
bathe in your beauty,
Sink into your embrace,
I want nothing more than
to drown in everything that is you."

Excellent piece of poetry!