Pieces of Me

I want to give you all of me
my heart
my soul
my love
my life
my future
everything I ever was
am now
and will be;

Alas,
you'd rather
pick and choose
which parts of me
you want.

Reviews

[Boonrassi]

haha..
terrific!

you'd rather
pick and choose
which parts of me
you want.

looove that.
the 'alas' just doesnt seem needed.
T

[BjH]

we all meet this person
sooner or later
seems you have
excellent way of putting it

bjh

[Crazy Cat Man]

yes its great to read this poem again


Alas,
you'd rather
pick and choose
which parts of me
you want.


thats rather selfish... but a very powerful message you convey

[Jack Frost]

fantastic, and so sad in a sacrificial way...prob. my favorite so far ;P

[penloverfool]

Another poem with undemanding technique, yet the very substance is enormously powerful!
Remarkable!!!

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

This is so beautiful.
I don't know why the person wants to pick and choose when you are willing to give all.
Nicely written, just beautiful.

Chloe
xoxo

[B]

The structural aspect of this poem is, indeed, strong. Juxtaposing the pronoun 'my' in the first stanza with 'you' in the second, really drives the point home.
Nice.
I like.

[Swooping Eagle]

I love the giving nature of this poem, for we all can only give that which is ours, mine or "my" to give, and repetition of that style drives that point home well. But, as with many personal desires to give there is the taker, who is less excited about the offer. Again, love the style of this structure, because the poem's very structure brings out the risk we take when we choose to give.

[Michael Carr]

Very nice, starts out a bit generic but the next stanza really pushes it ahead of the others in it's pack, really deep last part, simple working imagery and a flow that never faulters.
well done.

[Dkincaid]

Got some good comments down there, I agree with most of them (yes, "pieces of me" works much better). Guess you just describe an imaginary entity, True Love, at least when it comes to a two sided version. Why can't you love me as much as I Love You? You've described an emotion vividly in as few words as needed, to be...understood. I got a poem up against this one in a contest, don't think mines going to win.