When I’m in line at Wal-Mart I have to think about something other than why they have 500 customers in line and only two registers open. So I often flip through a couple of trashy magazines, or at least look at all the hadlines. There is one headline that seems to be on every issue of Cosmo ever created. It’s something around the lines of "Ten Ways to Turn on your Man...Tonight!"
Ummmm, what?
There are a lot of things you could write useful articles on---fly fishing, finding antiques among piles of junk at yard sales, how to get blood out of your clothes---anything. But someone writes articles telling a woman how to turn on a man?
If you cannot figure out how to do this on your own and need a how-to article, you are probably either too dumb or too hideous to be doing something that involves potential procreation
In my experience, turning on a man can be accomplished roughly 90% of the time simply by mentioning some kind of vague reference to the fact that you could possibly be persuaded into some sort of sexual activity. The other 10% of the time, he is probably exhausted from working 3 12 hour shifts with 2 hours of sleep a night, or is actively bleeding or missing a limb and needs a little more persuasion...which can be accomplished in about 2 minutes with minimal effort on your part.
A shorter and more helpful article would probably be "Ways to NOT turn on a man" though it would probably still be hard to find some that work for all men. Just when you think no man could possibly be attracted to someone on a unicycle in a clown outfit wearing a used diaper, with raw eggs cracked over her head, you will discover a website showing exactly that, with a loyal following.
This has been a deep thought....not really...by Tonya.
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