Dead of Night

The winding scent of tobacco rises, twisting and turning through my nostrils; 

flowing down to the pits of my likewise stomach, 

urging my strongest will to live scurry away like a roach.

I am helpless.

Trembling, I must close my eyes and be still, be lifeless, 

all the while my insides are bursting through every pore in my crawling skin. 

Tears must only fall on the safety of a hard pillow, 

sounds lost in the transition of wetness from ducts to cloth. 

I am weak.

Block the pain demanding attention, 

use my mental strength to manipulate a wash of steady numbness. 

Begin with my toes, and move up through the commotion, 

until only a lurching ring remains audible. 

Growing louder and louder with every movement from behind, 

the ringing turns the vast universe engulfing me, invisible.

My senses are lost.

Now, silence my thoughts, 

trick my mind into transporting my shell of a body somewhere as distant as my subconscious will take me. 

I am gone. 

Author's Note

I would like dialogue comments, as well as technical grammar critiques.

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

This was good deep from your heart and experience I understood it xx happy new year

[Gejodi]

Not sure if likewise should be used there....Great description of a soul lost perhaps in despair or abuse and drifting to nothingness. Nice work

[Chewing Wildflowers]

I know likewise sounded awkward to me too. But I wanted to connect the descriptive words I used for the smoke to the stomach. How could I rephrase it?

[Gejodi]

Sometimes less is more was thinking of just leaving likewise out i read the message without it

[An owl on the moon]

Aching in this distance of your being, dear poet, the painful movement of your mind and soul through the darkening world. Your movement stirs the heaviness of the air, helpless, weak, lost, gone... a journey into a place of fragments and frost. I lived there once, and can still taste the bitterness on my tongue.

[Chewing Wildflowers]

I appreciate your understand of where this piece comes from.

[An owl on the moon]

And I appreciate you sharing your soul for us.

[Matthew_h]

Your poem is really good. I like how deep it goes. Would you mind telling me the story/inspiration behind the poem?

[Matthew_h]

Oh wow that's really s****y. Your brave to write about such a personal experience.

[Chewing Wildflowers]

Thank you! I find that writing about personal experiences is a really good coping mechanism.

[Matthew_h]

That's good that it helps