Time

Hello :) It's probably been a year ever since I last posted here but hey I'm coming back with a somewhat though/story kind of narrative. Enjoy the real life problem of my life I guess :)

                                   “You can’t revert time , so make the choices final”

Time, it’s that kind of word where you just have to think about it letter by letter, but for me, every time I head it just tortures me in the inside , reminiscing from all the mistakes that I or even we have made in the past that made us think “Can’t I have another chance to make it right?” , even though that wouldn’t happen -or maybe just some pixie that would suddenly show up in front of our door step and asked “Want me to bring you back to the past and revert your mistakes?”- we still ask and ask ourselves when we see that mistake over and over again.

I want to tell a little story about why I am talking about this and why does it affect me so much, it’s non-fiction and I can’t really say their real names but lets just hide the names that I will tell later on ,it all started at my sophomore year the finest year where you go meet new guys and gals that have a much higher level than you and be the Social Butterfly to reach the stardom of being a cheerful and an all-around student, it was cool and all had some fun , reached that 89% General Average that I’ll always cherish , but along those years I meet someone from the name Noel , he’s funny , friendly and some kind of “Pervert” attitude ; it’s just that guy who tells horny jokes every time he saw something that is worth while to be made a joke out of, I pretty much talk to him the whole School Year more likely 3 days per week , and by the time goes by I developed that “Feelings” for him and that’s where it comes in from one of the moments titled “The most-problematic-situational-stressful” week I had ever had in my whole life.

It took 2 months of the Junior Year to plan my confession it’s just to get out of my system it succumbed to me that I just want to let it out,but that’s what I thought before, that’s what I thought before knowing that it was the most dumbest things that I have ever done, a regretful choice that made my life until now still struggle about it. There I confessed it right in the messenger where jokes goes by and then I go serious, the slow typing thinking on every word I would reply to him, and he was okay with it , and that ringing of the vibrations of my phone heard through my ears knowing that he replied and seeing that he’s okay with it ,it shot me with an arrow of extraordinary bliss that thinking one of the worst case scenario I kept thinking about it for months would’ve happen, and STOP, it did . It was hidden , like a ninja jumping through window by window , evasively dodging the diffraction of light of the post lights on the street , after that blissful moment it took me 3 months to find out that “I’m okay with that” message was just a cover to what it really means, he stopped talking to me, ignoring me at every movement at every clench of his clothes trying to notice me , he just runs away and accusing me of that “Clingy-stalking-Feeling Close” kind of friend has gone too far, I ended it , I wanted to end it , knowing the choices , the decisions and the “us” before can’t bring it back to normal,  funny , to think that It would end in some kind of fairy tale where you save him from getting shot or even worse and it makes you friends again, it doesn’t work that way , it just ends with a bullet of despair , shattering me into tiny pieces , that I realize that it’s so hard to get it back together again.