RIma and Julia FULL VERSION

This is the full version of Rima and Julia.

Rima and Julia

A screenplay/large-scale production

by Natalia E. Torrelio

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notice: I do not claim ownership of any of the songs suggested in this script. These songs are merely my suggestions for fitting music. 

Characters 
President Of Russia (POR) [Prince Escalus]

Dmitry [Paris]

Ivan Ivanovich [Mercutio]
Father Vladimir (Vlad) [Friar Lawrence]

Drug Dealer [Apothecary]

Messenger

Capulich [Capulet]

Capulich 
-Lady Capulich 
-Tikhon 
-Julia 
-Nana 
-Samarina

-Peter

Montevsky [Montague]

-Montevsky 
-Mrs. Montevsky 
-Rima 
-Borislava 
-Gregor 

Other

Gays

Crowd

Partygoers

Apostles
Child and Teen Tikhon 

Female voice

Crier

Chekov

Baltazár Montoya

Juanito Montoya

Sra. Montoya

Apprentices

Katrina Maximsen

Cloud Ivanovich

Locke Ivanovich

Selphie Ivanovich

 

 

Act 1

Scene 1

RIMA AND JULIA

EXT. THE CITY SQUARE OF MOSCOW - MORNING

This is an establishing shot: It's the year 2017, when the Presidential and Ministerial inaugurations of Russia will take place. The weather is chilly, and the sky is covered in a white blanket of clouds. The square is flooded with people from all over Russia who have come just to hear the President and Prime Minister's speeches. Propaganda is all over the place; 40% of it is anti-gay propaganda posted by Tikhon's followers.

The Montevsky and Capulich families are looking for places to sit, but Rima Montevsky, the teenage herione with dirty blonde, A-line bobbed hair and a flattish chest, just looks around at the horrid propaganda. Rima's transgender best friend Borislava and Julia Capulich do the same.

VLAD (V.O.)       (In a somber,        foreboding tone        of voice.) Two households, both alike in dignity, In Mother Russia, where we lay our scene, From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes A pair of star-cross'd lovers risk their life, Whose misadventured piteous overthrows Doth with their near death challenge their society's strife. The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love, And the continuance of their parents' rage, Which, but their children's end, naught could remove, Is now the traffic of our stage.

A gay couple holding hands passes by Police Chief Samarina Smirnoff-Capulich.

SAMARINA       (While on patrol,        she sees the gay        couple.) Break up the love fest, you freaks!       (She knocks both        gays to the        ground and gives        them both a        terrible beating.) You're lucky that Tikhon's bill hasn't been signed, or the two of you would be dead already. Now, out of my sight.       (The couple exits.) Disgusting.

Gregor Montevsky, Rima's brother, breaks away from his group and confronts Samarina furiously.

GREGOR What did you just say? I dare you to say it again.

SAMARINA Gay people are vermin. They should be wiped from the earth.

GREGOR Do you quarrel?

SAMARINA Quarrel? No. I despise you all, classless gays. Your filthy, uncivil ideology about "gay awareness" is all blasphemy. Will you never wake up and see the truth about yourselves? Fools, all of you!

GREGOR I'm half straight And half gay, And I'm proud of it No matter what you say.

SAMARINA That's it!

Sam and Gregor fight, and Gregor calls the gay couple to help him, and the gays start winning.

Borislava hurries into the fight and breaks it up.

BORISLAVA Part, fools;       (Fire a warning        shot) you know not what you do.

Tikhon Capulich, the Prime Minister-elect, walks in on the fight in an authoritative manner.

TIKHON What, art thou drawn among these…       (Taze gay 1) ...heartless...       (Taze gay 2) ...hinds?       (Taze Gregor, hug        Samarina, and        turn to        Borislava.) Turn thee, Borislava. Look upon thy death.

BORISLAVA I do but keep the peace.

TIKHON What, talk of peace? I hate the word, As I hate hell, all gays, and thee.

POR Rebellious subjects, enemies to the peace, On pain of torture from those bloody hands Throw your mistempered weapons to the ground. Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word By thee, Capulich and Montevsky, Have thrice disturbed the quiet of our streets. If ever you disturb our streets again, Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace. Once more, on pain of death, all men desist!

TIKHON       (Protests and        grabs Borislava.) How can you people live with yourselves, you foul-mannered-

VLAD       (cutting Tikhon        off) Stop...all of you!       (Checks his watch.) Oh, it's about time for our inauguration. Tikhon, please try to act professional.       (Walks through the        crowd, with        Tikhon following        behind, up onto a        tall stage        surrounded by        bodyguards.)      (The Russian        National Anthem        plays.) Welcome, welcome, one and all. As your new President, I, Igor Sasha Ivanovich, will work with the Prime Minister to solve all of Russia's issues. Our first is the fight between the two families: Montevskys and Capuliches. It has gone on too long and it will not be tolerated any longer. And… I will, uh, give free healthcare to all, and all puppy-kicking will be outlawed. And remember, farmers are the backbone of our country, and I will try to create world peace, and…       (Sees Tikhon is        acting impatient        and gets annoyed.) Alright Tikhon, give your d-darn speech, but it better be good for that immature display of impatience.

Everyone applauds. The Anthem fades out. Members of Tikhon's cult, the Tikhonists, are shown in the front of the audience wearing flowing purple robes, crucifix necklaces, and catlike masks. They also wield shotguns and decorative fishing spears.

TIKHON Welcome, welcome, welcome to my inauguration. Thank you, Igor, for those kind words of welcome, and how lovely to see all your bright, happy faces smiling up at me. As Prime Minister, I will tackle an issue which the President absolutely fails to mention, for he overlooks it, just like a politician. Mr. Ivanovich, I respect you, and I wish you the best, but I must criticize you constructively by saying that you are not a legitimate leader.

POR       (POR mouths the        word "what?")

TIKHON As Russia's youngest ever Prime Minister, at age 33, I say that your comment about my being "immature" just showcased why you, with all due respect, have a long way to go in terms of leading a nation. It is about time the old people step aside; out with those who seem to have never been kids, and in with those who can lead, but also know childhood, know their childhood, perfectly well. And one thing I learned the…       (Shudders) hard way from my childhood is that unless we want them to lose their very innocence early on, it is necessary to protect their little minds from the extremely unusual and stick to the conventions. Here's an example if you don't get my drift: Homosexuality, the affinity of someone from one sex for people of the same sex. Again with all due respect, this kind of "love," although it may be common nowadays, is highly strange and is a source of childhood trauma. It has gone too far, as has bisexuality and transgenderism. Are we going to let these gays ruin childrens' lives and Russia's reputation? Nyet, we will not stand for it. From now on, all public displayers of homosexuality will receive consequences to be discussed and also to be written in a bill of mine. And furthermore, the mere enjoyment of anything related to that horrible syndrome will also be illegal, so no more American Idol, no more How I Met Your Mother, no more Ellen DeGeneres, no more Gangnam Style, no more Lord of the Rings, no more Harry Potter, no more Nickelodeon, no more South Park, no more Nintendo, and no more uncensored internet. These things all have a type of relation to that horrid LGBT community. Furthermore, the mere utterance of the word "gay," also illegalized. Gays, never again will you cause psychological torture to another child, because from this point on, you will all be silenced; if you think about spreading your sinful philosophies and worldviews with us normal people, then consider us deaf!

During the speech, Rima's face goes as pale as fresh snow, as if she's about to have a heart attack induced by how shocked/disgusted she is.

SAMARINA Honey, honey, settle down; you'll give yourself an ulcer.

POR Thank you all for electing us, and we are thrilled to serve Mother Russia.

Scene 2

INT. THE MONTEVSKY HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Rima sprints to her bedroom with tears in her eyes, slams the door shut, shoves her pillow into her face and screams. She then pulls her red, swollen-eyed face out of the pillow and takes 3 deep breaths

RIMA I am no freak! I am a normal human being, just like everybody else. There's nothing wrong with me. Narrow minded fools; what is wrong with these people?

Enter Borislava

BORISLAVA Good morrow, cousin.

RIMA Is the day so young?

BORISLAVA But new struck nine.

RIMA Ay! me, sad hours seem long.

BORISLAVA What sadness lengthens Rima's hours?

RIMA Did thou see what happened today? The way they punished that couple!? That could have been my fate, Borislava... Dost thou not laugh?

BORISLAVA No coz, I rather weep.

RIMA Good heart! At what?

BORISLAVA At thy good heart's oppression. I told you this before you ever came here. Russia is a different place, very different from Sweden. People are utterly orthodox and conservative, people are...I don't know... afraid.

RIMA       (unimpressed) Really? Afraid? Of what...?

BORISLAVA Yes.. afraid...afraid of what they don't understand. Afraid of change, maybe. But that's what makes it dangerous for you, if you tell them, Rima. Right now, no one else knows you're gay... Why, Rima, art thou mad?

RIMA Not mad, but bound more than a madwoman is, Shut up in prison, kept without my food, Whipped and tormented and...

BORISLAVA Hey, it could be worse. You could have been born in the wrong body like me. That garbage from Dick-hon's mouth is just a bill on Capitol hill, but this entire childhood of having a penis is a hill I'd love to get over as quickly as possible.       (She sighs sadly,        and then perks        up.) You know, the daughter of Capulich is having a masquerade party, and we could go if you want.

RIMA That's a wonderful offer, but how are we going to be allowed in? We're not invited.

BORISLAVA Who says that we have to be invited? You and I are friends with Ivan, the President's nephew, and the party is at the Kremlin Palace, so there's no way we won't be allowed in.

RIMA That's a great idea, but are you sure that will work?

BORISLAVA Have I ever been wrong?

RIMA Well, there was that one time...

BORISLAVA Ok, ok, ok. Forget it, I'm not entirely perfect, but…

RIMA You know, you're right. I trust you, and I can't stay home. When is this party?

BORISLAVA       (Leaving Rima's        room.) Later tonight. I'll pick you up.

RIMA Sweet! Do svidaniya.

BORISLAVA Ciao.

Scene 3

INT. MONTEVSKY DINING ROOM - AFTERNOON

The parents of Rima dine and drink tea together, alone for a change. Mrs. Montevsky is extremely worried about Rima.

MONTEVSKY       (A bit suspicious.) How are you, my love? Your brow has the look of trouble.

MRS. MONTEVSKY I am concerned… that there be trouble in this house. I worry of late about our daughter, Rima.

MONTEVSKY       (Happy, chuckling        tone of voice.) Rima? But Rima is doing fine, my love. She is doing well with her studies, she has friends, she is not shut up in her room at all hours of the day; she is out in the world, finding her way.

MRS. MONTEVSKY This is my fear; that she has strayed too far from our gaze. And that she now has gotten some terrible, dangerous ideas into her head.

MONTEVSKY       (Growing        concerned, almost        angry.) What kinds of ideas?

MRS. MONTEVSKY Have you not noticed that she shows no interest in the fine young gentlemen who call on her. That she refuses their advances and avoids their company even though she has our full support.

MONTEVSKY Of course I have. But still I miss your purpose. What are you trying to say my dear? Spit it out already!

MRS. MONTEVSKY I have a suspicion; I cannot name its origin….call it a woman's intuition if you must, but I fear that Rima may be…

MONTEVSKY Yes, yes, out with it! But be careful what you say. This is no light matter, I fear.

MRS. MONTEVSKY My love, I knew it would be this way…we must never speak of it again, forgive me.

MONTEVSKY       (Raises his fist        to her        menacingly.) Never…you shall speak woman, da!

MRS. MONTEVSKY       (Raises her voice        and speaks        hurriedly.) I think Rima might be gay. There I've said…

MONTEVSKY Shut your mouth, you wretched woman. You speak of vile sin and depravity.       (Paces off, away        from her,        speaking angrily        in Russian to        himself.) Etogo ne mozhet bytʹ YA ne mogu v eto poverit.       (Stomps back to        his wife and        points his finger        at her.) I will not have such language in this house!

MRS. MONTEVSKY But my love, you must hear me; we must talk about…

MONTEVSKY       (Still shouting.) Be gone from my sight…Rima knows better than to pretend such filth in this house. No Montevsky would dare choose such a vile life for themselves….to be damned for all eternity? This is beneath us, it is beneath Rima…. YA ne pozvolyu etomu sluchitʹsya!

MRS. MONTEVSKY But what if we have no choice, my love….what is she has no choice?

MONTEVSKY Nyet! Shut it... I will not hear another word about this.

Mrs. Montevsky rushes away, sobbing, head in hands.

Montevsky tries to carry on without her but is still fuming…. Finally, he slams down his fork and knife and gets up from the table as well and exits the dining room in the opposite direction. He sees a picture of Rima on the mantle, pauses to look at it, sighs, and prays.

MONTEVSKY Dear Lord, you know I'm no homophobe, but Tikhon's speech today made me not only fear for Russia, but also for Rima's life and future. If your grace is with us, I ask that you don't let his bill become a law. Your will be done, Amen.

Scene 4

INT. KREMLIN PALACE - DAY

4:00 PM

The POR sits with an outraged, angry expression behind his rectangular granite desk in his perfectly square office. Tikhon and Samarina stand in front of him, shocked to hear that the President disapproves of the bill.

TIKHON What? How could you disapprove of my lovely bill, the bill I summarized in my inaugural speech?

POR How could I? How could I not? It is unethical, immature, and unconstitutional, as was that bloody inaugural speech of yours.

TIKHON The bill is meant to save Russia from the scourge of the devil.

SAMARINA And all you care about is taxing Russia, you politician.

POR Tikhon, Samarina, I am the President, and I say this bill has been       (Slam veto stamp        down.) vetoed.

TIKHON Joke's on you, Igor. This is the 21st century, so I can just print another copy.

POR       (Annoyed.) Oh, Tikhon, you are so childish.

TIKHON CHILDISH, YOU SAY?! OH, I'M SO SORRY FOR BEING SO GODDAMN CHILDISH. I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE I DIDN'T HAVE 18 YEARS TO ACT LIKE A KID! IT'S NOT LIKE I HAD MY VIRGINITY STOLEN AT AGE 9! IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS SEXUALLY HARASSED AND NOW HAVE TO LIVE WITH PTSD!!!

SAMARINA Tikhon, please, be wary of your blood pressure.

POR Tikhon, if you really want this to become a law, then I suggest waiting for another President to take office.       (Tikhon gets an        idea.) Well, this is a good suggestion in theory, but the thing is that we so-called "politicians" actually have morals and respect for the Constitution. Now, please, both of you get out of my sight.

Tikhon and Samarina walk out of the office and down the hall. Tikhon has an evil smirk on his face as he talks to his wife.

The walls turn black, the floor turns a dark shade of gray, the windows disappear, and the two villains look like a red spotlight is shining down upon them

TIKHON So, he says that I have to wait for another President to sign the bill, but, the way I see it, the future Presidents are too stupid to do so. Hmm, but what if       (Emphasis.) I became President?

SAMARINA But how are you going to do that? No offense Tikhya, but you may have turned most of your voters away from you with your speech.

TIKHON In the event of the President's sudden passing, the Prime Minister must take his place for three months, until the next President takes office.       (Chuckle.) Igor Ivanovich gets slain tonight.

Scene 5

INT. KREMLIN PALACE - CONTINUOUS

Nana enters and frantically shoves the evil couple as she runs past, thus getting rid of the dark special effects in a comedic fashion.

LADY CAPULICH (O.S.) Nana! Nana!!!       (Lady C. is now        onscreen.) NANA!!!!

Nana enters the room where Lady Capulich is. It is a large powder room with numerous mirrors, vanities, and cases overloaded with makeup. The smells of roses and potpourri fill the air

Lady Capulich is sitting back in a chair with her brunette hair filled with curlers and face covered in a greenish-blue facial mask.

NANA       (Frantic.) Yes, Madam?

LADY CAPULICH Where's my daughter?

NANA I bade her come. God forbid, where is this girl? Julia!

JULIA (O.S.) I'm coming!

Julia enters the room, fully prepped for her party. She is a brunette just like her mother, but way more beautiful. Her wavy hair cascades down her back like a waterfall, her complexion is acne-free and pale, but not too pale, and her body one of the sexiest in Russia.

JULIA Yes, mother, what is your will?

LADY CAPULICH 'Marry' is the theme I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Julia, How stands your disposition to be married?

JULIA It is an honor I dream not of.

LADY CAPULICH Well, think of marriage now; younger than you, Here in Russia, ladies of esteem, Are made already mothers: by my count, I was your mother much upon these years That you are now a maid. Thus then in brief: The honorable Dmitry seeks you for his love.

NANA A man, young lady. Lady, such a man As all the world--why, he's a man of wax.

JULIA       (Shocked.) D-Dmitry?

LADY CAPULICH Yes, the President's son, Dmitry Ivanovich.

JULIA You know, mother. Um, you see, you know how some people are different from others?

LADY CAPULICH What? What are you talking about?

JULIA Well, um, uh, I do not know how to say this any other way than to just say it...       (Deep breath.) Mother, I don't want to marry a man.

LADY CAPULICH       (So angry that she        can't even yell.) What? Daughter, I do not have time for your rambling. You must marry Dmitry. You'll learn to love him.

JULIA Mother if you would please let me speak... I do not wish to marry him. I... I don't want Dmitry Ivanovich. It does not matter if he is the finest man in Russia. I do NOT love him! I refuse to marry unless I marry someone whom I love, and that is--

LADY CAPULICH       (Slaps Julia.) How dare you talk like that! Since the days of our ancestors, we Capuliches have married into the finest families in Russia. We are a family of pride and elegance, and Dmitry Ivanovich is a great young man. You will not ruin the family name.       (Shoos Julia out        of the room.) Until you belong to Dmitry instead of me, you are grounded.

JULIA But mom, my 18th birthday party is tonight.

LADY CAPULICH Fine, as of tomorrow then, you're grounded!       (Slam door.)

LADY CAPULICH Fine, as of tomorrow then, you're grounded.       (Slam door.)

JULIA       (Bursts into tears        and runs to the        nearest bathroom        to bawl.) I... I don't understand. This is ridiculous. I don't want to be what others want or expect me to be. I want to be myself, but I also want to be loved by my family. Oh! What do I do? I want people to understand, but how can I tell this family, my family... that I'm gay?       (Cries some more.)

Scene 6

EXT. THE CITY SQUARE OF MOSCOW - EVENING

The city square is full of life, there are grand fireworks rocketing from Kremlin's property, and many invitees wearing creative, gaudy costumes are thrilled to get to Julia's party.

Rima is dressed as Rihanna, with a lovely bright red wig, a sparkling night-blue gown, and some makeup over her right eye to make it look like a black eye.

RIMA Ha ha! I say, this is going to be quite a grand, old time, right Borislava- I mean Borislav?

Borislava is dressed as Chris Brown, with a false moustache and a bald cap.

BORISLAVA Why do I have to be a guy and wear a moustache? And why do I have to be Chris Brown? This is NOT fair.

RIMA       (Smiling.) Because I called dibs on the girl costume already. Now, where is Ivan?

IVAN (O.S.)       (In Nicki Minaj's        accent.) You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe.

The camera shows Ivan wearing a green wig, brown suit coat, pink leggings, a corset, and a women's girdle.

Borislava looks at Rima like "Really?"

IVAN       (Joins the group.) Did someone say "Ivan?" Nice 'stache, Borislava.       (Borislava        giggles.) And how are you, Rima?

RIMA I'm doing well, and I'm ready to meet the woman of my dreams, whoever she might be.

IVAN Good girl! Following your dreams instead of just dreaming them. It's obvious that Queen Mab hath been with you.

RIMA       (puzzled) Queen Mab?

IVAN She is the fairies' friend, and she comes In shape no bigger than a diamond ring On the fore-finger of a coffee shop barista, Drawn by a tiny team in flamboyant-dress Across women's noses as they lie asleep; Her wagon-spokes made of lady bugs' legs, with traces of the moonshine's watery beams, Sometimes she driveth o'er a lover's neck, And then dreams she of kissing foreign throats Of love five-fathom deep; and then anon Drums in her ear, at which she starts and wakes, And being thus aroused swears a prayer or two And sleeps again. This is she....

RIMA Peace, peace, Ivan, peace. Thou talk'st of nothing.

IVAN Supper is done, and we shall come too late. Let us be gone.

RIMA I fear, too early: for my mind misgives. Some consequence yet hanging in the stars shall bitterly begin her fearful date. With this night's revels and expire the term. But she, that hath the steerage of my course, Direct my sail. On, my dear friends.

Rima, Borislava, and Ivan leave the shot, and the camera now focuses on Tikhon and Samarina.

Both antagonists look diabolical and attractive. Tikhon's blond hair is tied back in a ponytail, and he is wearing an expensive Armani tuxedo with a red tie. Samarina wears a fiery red floor-lenghth dress; matching earrings, lipstick, and tiara; and her bleach-blonde hair in a bun.

They search for a drug dealer and find him.

TIKHON What ho, drug dealer!

DRUG DEALER Who calls so loud?

TIKHON It's the Prime Minister, you donkey.

DRUG DEALER I have a name, you know. Mikhail Drogovitch is the name, selling the drugs is my game. What do you want?

TIKHON Let us talk about the President, shall we?

DRUG DEALER President Ivanovich? That fascist who's messing up the economy and making it impossible for me to get a real job?

TIKHON       (Smirk.) Precisely.       (Speaks as if he        is singing.) Igor is an oppressive man, He crushes your dreams if he can, We both want him to breathe his last, So please, do listen to my plan: Sell us a pow'rful potion, fast, That creates madness that will last, Said wondrous potion I then will Pour straight into this crystal glass. Then my cousin Peter shall fill That glass with vodka, little pill, Then Gregor M. will down the drink, Now he's a machine that can kill!!! He'll kill the Pres'dent, that ratfink. We will frame him, and if all's in sync, The LGBT's all go to the "clink," The LGBT's all go to the "clink."

DRUG DEALER       (clapping) Bravo! Mazel tov!!!       (Stops) Um, hehe, here's your potion.

TIKHON       (Chuckling.) Thank you, Mr. Drogovitch. You just played a big role in the saving of Russia and in the second coming of the Messiah.

Scene 7

INT. BALLROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Rima, Ivan, Borislava, Tikhon, and Samarina enter the massive ballroom whose marble floors, walls and columns have traces of gold and platinum, whose crystal chandeliers sparkle in the warm light, and whose atmosphere is as festive as can be. Everyone is eating rich hors d'oeuvres, dancing to happy music, taking duckface pictures for facebook, and drinking expensive vodka.

CAPULICH DJ, can you please turn the music off?       (The music turns        off.) Welcome, gentlemen. Ah ha, my mistresses! Which of you all will now deny to dance? Welcome, gentlemen, to my daughter's Coming of Age. According to tradition, the first dance is reserved for my beautiful daughter. Without further ado, everyone give Julia a round of applause.

Julia appears wearing a pink, pastry-shaped strapless dress and a Mardi Gras mask of the same color. A Russian waltz song comes on, and Capulich and his daughter dance. Julia catches a glimpse of Rima and gives a loving look to her without Capulich knowing. Rima and Borislava talk while those two are dancing.

BORISLAVA Rima, have you seen a lady that you fancy yet?

RIMA No...not really...       (Aside.) Forswear it, sight, For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

The waltz stops, and everyone claps. Gangnam Style plays, and everyone dances to it except Tikhon, who pulls Capulich.

TIKHON What, dare those gay-loving freaks come hither, To fleer and scorn at our solemnity? Now, by the stock and honor of my kin, To strike them dead, I hold it not a sin.

CAPULICH How now, nephew. Wherefore storm you so?

TIKHON Uncle, these people are gay activists, and enemies to our way of life. Villains that are hither come in spite To scorn at our solemnity this night.

CAPULICH Young Rima is it?

TIKHON T'is she!

CAPULICH Content thee, let her alone. Even though she is a liberal, Someone who shames us with their views, I would not for the wealth of all the town Here in my house do her disparagement.

TIKHON I'll not endure her!

CAPULICH She shall be endured! I say, she shall! Go to, you'll not endure her? God shall mend my soul. You'll make a mutiny among my guests?

TIKHON Why uncle, t'is a shame.

CAPULICH Endure her and be quiet, or for shame, I'll make you quiet.

Samarina pulls Tikhon aside angrily, not knowing he was putting on an act.

SAMARINA       (Whispers) Darling, please don't do that.

TIKHON It's just an act. If look too calm under these circumstances, what with "Gang-gang Style" or whatever playing and those activists at the party, it will look suspicious, and my plan may be uncovered.

Capulich talks into a mic.

CAPULICH Anyhow, as of now, my daughter is no longer a Capulich, for she will very soon be handed off to the strong, brave, intelligent, chivalrous son of our President, Lord Dmitry Igor Sasha Ivanovich.

Dmitry, dressed as PSY, slowly and romantically approaches Julia.

DMITRY My lady, Julia       (Julia blushes        because she        doesn't know what        to say.) Oh, your flower-like face; your silky, soft hair. Is your name Pepsi, 'cause I gotta have it.

Everyone groans, Capulich glares at everyone, and the groaning stops.

DMITRY If you were a booger, I would pick you first.

Capulich himself groans.

CAPULICH DJ, turn the music back on!

DJ turns on a romantic song and everyone becomes too distracted to notice what else is going on besides slow dancing. All the couples dance, even Tikhon and Samarina, and Ivan and Borislava.

DMITRY May I have this dance, My Lady?

JULIA Lord Dmitry, I am extremely flattered, but you must excuse me for a brief moment. I am very sorry.

DMITRY Whatever you desire, my Julia.

He kisses her hand, and she walks away to go cry in the bathroom about having to marry him, but then she bumps into Rima who just finished peeing.

JULIA       (Avoiding gaze.) Excuse me. I can get clumsy sometimes.

RIMA       (Also looking        down.) I'm sorry.

Both look up at the same time. Cue happy, romantic music as they first see each other.

RIMA       (Touches Julia.) What's your name?

JULIA Does it matter?

RIMA       (Rolls her eyes        flirtatiously) Yes, let us forgo that formality.       (Touch Julia's        bum.) I know only that you are enchanting.

JULIA As are you. Is no one about?       (Glances around        somewhat        nervously.) Then I must admit that you are beautiful.

RIMA       (Smiles, tries to        kiss Julia.) If I profane with my unworthy hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand, to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss?

JULIA       (Hold Rima's hands) Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

RIMA Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

JULIA Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

RIMA O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray: Grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

JULIA Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

RIMA Then move not while my prayer's effect I take.       (Kiss Julia.) Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.

JULIA Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

RIMA Sin from my lips? O, trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again.       (Kiss Julia again.)

JULIA You kiss by th' book.

Rima pulls Julia in for a long kiss, and the two girls stroke each other's waists and hug.

Nana walks toward the couple.

NANA Miss Julia, Mister Dmitry is waiting for you on the dance floor.       (Catches them        kissing.) WHAT IN SATAN'S NAME IS GOING ON?

JULIA Nana, you must not say anything at all! Understand? If not, my family would kill me!

NANA Oh, child. Just because I love you so, this will be a secret between us. But hurry! If not they will start to suspect something.

Rima and Julia separate and blow air kisses at each other.

JULIA What should I do Nana? I can't love another girl....in this place. But, I must know, I can't bear this.... what is her name?

NANA Her name is Rima, the enemy of your brother.

JULIA My only love sprung from my only hate.

NANA Whatever happens now, I suspect it will not end well...

JULIA I have always known this day would come, that one day I would have to face my sexuality....but now, is it not enough that we are gay? But I must also love a loathed enemy?

NANA Poyekhali!

Scene 8

EXT. PALACE GARDEN - NIGHT

BALCONY SCENE.

The air is cool, the sky is clear, the stars are out, and the moon is full. Julia's balcony overlooks the garden. A perfect romantic setting.

Rima sneaks into the garden and sees Julia sitting on her balcony with her brown hair down and a guitar by her side.

RIMA       (As she's sneaking        in.) She jests at scars that never felt a wound.       (stops.) But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Julia is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, That thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be not her maid, since she is envious; It is my lady, O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were!

Julia, madly in love with Rima and also angry at how gays are treated in Russia, covers a Kim Petras song that relates to how she's feeling.

JULIA There is no easy way, 'cause every way is hard There is no imitation of everybody's heart There are no limits, and no boundaries, So why you want to tell me my love is a disease?       (Hums the rest of        the verse.)

RIMA She speaks! O, speak again, bright angel!

JULIA O Rima, Rima, wherefore art thou Rima? Deny thy father and refuse thy name Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love and I'll no longer be a Capulich. 'Tis but our sexuality that is their enemy. We art ourselves, not straight. What's "lesbian"? It is not hand, nor foot, nor arm nor face, nor any other part belonging to a woman. We are still the same people. "Lesbian" is just a label, a name. What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. So Rima would, were she not Rima called, And so are all people no matter their sexuality, forget society, Rima, and take all myself.

RIMA       (Emerging.) I take thee at thy word Call me but love and I'll be forever yours; Why must we hide? As long as we live, I want you by my side!

JULIA Rima! What are you doing here? If they do see thee, they will murder thee.

RIMA I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes; And but thou love me, let them find me here.

JULIA How did you know where to come?

RIMA By Love, that first did prompt me to inquire. He lent me council, and I lent him eyes.

JULIA Thou knowest the mask of night is on my face; Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek For that which thou hast heard me speak tonight. Fain would I dwell on form -fain, fain deny What I have spoke; but farewell compliment! Dost thou love me?

RIMA Lady...

JULIA       (Interrupts) I know thou wilt say "Ay;" And I will take thy word. Yet, if thou swear'st, Thou mayst prove false. O gentle Rima, If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.

RIMA By yonder blessed moon I swear-

JULIA O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

RIMA What shall I swear by?

JULIA Do not swear at all; Or if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, Which is the goddess of my idolatry, And I'll believe thee.

RIMA If my heart's dear love--

JULIA Well, do not swear. Although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract tonight. It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be Ere one can say it lightens. Sweet, good night! This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flow'r when next we meet. Good night, good night! As sweet repose and rest Come to thy heart as that within my breast!

RIMA O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

JULIA What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?

RIMA The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.

JULIA I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: and yet I would it were to give again.       (Looks around,        making sure        nobody is there,        hugs Rima) Three words, dear Rima, and good night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honorable, Thy purpose marriage, send me word ASAP.

RIMA So thrive my soul--

Nana calls to Julia from offscreen.

JULIA A thousand times good night!

RIMA A thousand times the worse, to want thy light! Love goes toward love as schoolgirls from their books But love from love, toward school with heavy looks

Nana calls again, louder and more insistent.

JULIA Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow That I shall say good night till it be morrow. Goodnight.       (Kisses Rima)

Rima walks away smiling and thrilled to be in a relationship.

Scene 9

EXT. OUTSIDE KREMLIN - MOMENTS LATER

Borislava and Ivan walk off the palace grounds completely wasted. They are singing quite loudly while Ivan holds Borislava like a princess.

IVAN       (Singing with        BORISLAVA in        unison.) 99 bottles of vodka on the wall, 99 bottles of vodka, take one down, pass it around, you've got… ninety… EIGHT bottles of vodka on the wall!!!

The two drunks laugh, and Gregor pulls up to them in his car.

GREGOR Hello Ivan, hello coz. I'm here to pick y'all up.       (Sees how drunk        they are.) Wow, you guys are wasted.

BORISLAVA I know, right?

GREGOR Oh, Cousin, that canNOT be good for you.

TIKHON (O.S.)       (In a sneering,        snakelike tone.) Oh, come on, they're just having a good time.

Tikhon enters the shot.

GREGOR Hey, I know you. You're Prime Minister Capulich, the knave that tazed me earlier.

TIKHON       (To Gregor, lying.) I am, and I most sincerely apologize for my despicable behavior.       (To the drunk        people.) Um, can you both please get out of here? This is a private matter.

IVAN Y-y-yes, sire.       (Sings in unison        with BORISLAVA        again.) 98 bottles of vodka on the wall… Borislava and Ivan: 98 bottles of vodka! Take one down, pass it around, you've got… 97 bottles of vodka on the wall!

Tikhon discreetly calls PETER to pour a glass of vodka. Tikhon holds the glass behind his back, Peter pours, and Tikhon spikes it with the potion.

TIKHON Here, have some drink.

GREGOR No, thanks, I'm their designated driver.

TIKHON Come on, we're Russians. That small glass can't intoxicate you.

Gregor drinks the vodka and gets high off the potion in the drink.

GREGOR Hey, this is so amazing. I"I feel like I'm getting lighter, like I can fly, like I can do anything. Hey, I think I'm a superhero.

TIKHON       (Playing along.) Oh, a superhero? What's your name?

GREGOR CAPTAIN VODKA, THE HERO OF MOSCOW!!!

TIKHON Look, a crime.

Samarina drags POR into the shot with little luck, but enough to make the scheme work.

POR Samarina Capulich, where the devil are you taking me?

SAMARINA       (Gives POR her        purse) Help! He stole my purse!

GREGOR Have no fear! Captain Vodka is here!       (Takes out a        pocketknife) Vodka dagger, activate!

Gregor runs at POR with the knife. POR tries to run away, but Samarina knocks him over; Gregor stabs POR and kills him. Tikhon's face lights up because his plan worked; he high-fives Samarina and kisses her.

FADE TO BLACK.

Scene 10

EXT. THE CITY SQUARE OF MOSCOW - MORNING

At POR's large funeral, almost 5:00 a.m. The Capuliches, Dmitry, and the crowd are in black; Tikhon is in his usual outfit, and Samarina is wearing a black, furry coat over her red dress.

The weather is chilly, and it is about to rain.

TIKHON We are gathered here early this morning to celebrate the life and mourn the passing of our great former President, Igor Ivanovich. Although he hath governed us for not even a full day, he will always be in our hearts. Dmitry, son of Igor, you have my condolences, and you are more than welcome to live at the Kremlin Palace with us Capuliches, and your lover, Julia. However, like I said in my inaugural speech, out with the old, in with the new. Russian law states that when the President passes away, a new President will be elected three months later, and in the meantime, the Prime Minister must take on the Presidential role. Wait, Prime Minster… that would be… me.

The people in cat masks and purple robes march onto the stage on which Tikhon stands. Samarina dons a ruby-encrusted cat mask.

TIKHON Anyway, you all deserve to know how the President died: he was murdered by that drunken gay wad Gregor Montevsky! This is more than exactly what I was talking about. First, they go around ruining the lives of our posterity, and now they're brutally killing their beloved leaders. There is a word for this: evolution. How much longer before they rise up and start killing us all, throwing us in cages, gassing us, lighting our babies on fire, and maybe even forcing us to compete in gladiatorial, Hunger Games-style combat?       (pause) Bottom line: gays are evil; they are the children of Beelzebub himself, and I have the duty of sending them back to the fiery pit. People of Russia, hear my Word. Thanks to me and this bill...       (Holds up the        bill.) ... the answer to those questions will be "never." First off, the bill states that as long as I'm in power, you must address my wife and me as "Your Divinity." You must no longer call the policemen "cops" or "policemen;" you must call them "Apostles" and the police chief a "Prophetess." This Prophetess will also be my second-in-command. Apostles, as soon as you receive your new uniforms, don them. After that, you will no longer fish for regular criminals; you will be fishing for gays. When I sign the bill, I demand all of you to search high and low for homos, bisexuals, transgenders, and even people you merely suspect of being these things. They are to be arrested and sent to a large, walled-off, high-security Russian territory in Antarctica: Yershov Labor Camp.

Apostles grab Gregor and carry him away as he futilely struggles. Rima then tries to save him, but then gets shoved aside and bawls. Julia consoles her new girlfriend and gives her a look of "We really need a good way of hiding our relationship."

Montage: Apostles don their new uniforms which resemble those that Tikhon's followers wore at the inauguration. They then roam the streets arresting gays, lesbians, transgendered people, bisexuals, and even people falsely accused of being these things. These people are then shown at Yershov Labor Camp building their own cell blocks manually and suffering as Apostles whip them and shout death threats and offensive slurs. The Camp itself is just as Tikhon described it. It is a humongous elliptical plot of land surrounded by a 5-meter-high, white, razor wire-topped gate. This plot of land is also surrounded by guard towers.

The mood is scary, tragic and hopeless.

Tikhon and Samarina return to the black, red-spotlit environment from scene 4. But this time, Tikhon sits behind the President's desk.

TIKHON My Dear, what time is it?

SAMARINA It is 5:15.

TIKHON Great Scot! So far, 827 freaks, and counting, populate Yershov. At this rate, all of Rusky's LGBT community will be out of sight and out of mind when my Presidency is over!       (Sigh of        contentment.) Christ resurrected himself in three days, and I, Tikhon Leviticus Capulich, will resurrect Russia in three months. I am justice, I am the law, I… am the Second Messiah.

Act 2 Scene 1

INT. A STARBUCKS CAFé - EVENING

1 MONTH LATER

The subtitle "1 month later" appears at the bottom of the screen.

Establishing shot: the time is dark. for most of the day, Apostles roam the streets, randomly arrest people they suspect of being gay, and roam the streets some more. One of the killers shown is Prophetess Samarina, whose uniform consists of a blood-red cat mask, a matching floor-length fur coat, and a form-fitting matching bodysuit. She grabs two teenage boys who merely say the word "gay" and hoists them up into a chopper destined for Yershov. Large screens the size of those in movie theaters are everywhere, and they are used for propogandic purposes. Special anchorpeople called "criers" show up on the screens and, with the speakers set at an extremely high volume, spout anti-gay and Tikhonist propoganda and heavily censored news 24/7, even when the characters are talking.

Borislava is shown looking out her bedroom window at a street swarming with Apostles, who are just about to take a dinner break.

Knowing this, she sneaks out of her house and goes to Starbucks to work on a song she's been writing.

BORISLAVA       (Singing to music        coming from her        iPad.) There's nobody who decides about my life and me There's nobody who can tell me who I ought to be It might seem hard, but still so plain to see This is the real me. Yeah.

Ivan brings Borislava some coffee.

IVAN Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, much unlike you.

BORISLAVA       (Giggling.) Aw, thanks, Ivan.

IVAN Seriously, you are amazing! That song really does bring manly tears to my eyes. It's so meaningful.

BORISLAVA It sure is. It's about my struggle as a transgendered girl to be seen as normal.

IVAN       (Sigh.) I wish people here saw you as normal like your parents, Rima, and I do. Being transgendered is not a disease; it's what makes you, you. And you, Borislava, are an extremely strong and beautiful girl.       (Borislava puts        her hands to her        face and starts        crying tears of        joy.) Borislava, I've had a crush on you since the first year of secondary school.

Rima and Julia enter the cafe. Rima is dressed in masculine clothes and a false hipster moustache.

RIMA Awww, that's so romantic.

JULIA I guess it's now a double date.

BORISLAVA       (Stand up to hug        them.) Rima! Julia! I'm so elated to see you two! I've been locked up in my room by my overprotective parents, and I haven't been able to use my phone. Oh, I've been so worried about you.

RIMA Locked up in your room?!

BORISLAVA       (Groans.) My parents grounded me for 3 months to keep me "safe from trouble," A.K.A. Tikhon's cronies. Ain't that stupid? How are the Apostles going to know whether I have a dong, and how would they suspect it? Like Aladdin said, "You're only in trouble if you get caught." Hmm, speaking of that, how have you and Julia not been caught?

JULIA It's quite simple really. First, I told my mother that I did not want to marry Dmitry until all of Russia's gays were at the Camp. She agreed to that, so then we went on to phase two: having Rima dress as a man so we could appear to be an opposite-sex couple. My parents think we are just friends, of course.

RIMA Then, 2 months from now, Tikhon will once again be a powerless Prime Minister, and imprisoning us for our sexual preferences will once again be against the law, so Yershov Labor Camp will be closed. Thus, Russia will never be truly gay-free, so she'll never marry Dmitry, and she'll run away and come live with me. Ahh, that'll be a perfect way to celebrate our 2-month wedding anniversary.

IVAN Wedding anniversary?!

RIMA Tomorrow, I'm going to ask a priest to marry us, and then, the day after, we're going to get married.

IVAN       (Elated.) Ohhhh, I'm so proud of everyone!

BORISLAVA Me too. My cousin's getting married, and it turns out that I'm my crush's crush.       (Ivan's face        lights up.) Ivan, I love you too. Would you like to go, maybe, for a walk tomorrow?

IVAN Of course!

Peter pulls Ivan back behind the counter.

PETER Get back to work.

IVAN       (To Peter) Ok, boss       (To his friends) See y'all later

Borislava, Rima, and Julia walk out of the cafe, and Ivan gets back to work.

Peter, it turns out, was recording all of this on his phone, and he tries to send the recording to Tikhon, but the internet is down and there's no reception.

PETER Damn it all!

Scene 2

INT. THE CATHEDRAL - MORNING

The air is still nippy, but there is not a cloud in the sky, and the sunrise is gorgeous. The Apostles still march out in the streets and hide on rooftops looking for gays to capture.

Father Vladimir kneels down in the massive cathedral, complete with grand marble columns and elaborate 18-meter high stained-glass windows, to thank God for this morning.

VLAD The grey-eyed morn smiles on the frowning night, Chequering the eastern clouds with streaks of light, And flecked darkness like a drunkard reels From forth day's path and Titan's fiery wheels: Now, ere the sun advance his burning eye, The day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry.

Rima enters the cathedral with an excited grin on her face.

RIMA Father Vladimir! How art thou this fine morning?

VLAD Not better than you, my dear Rima. To what do I owe this visit?

RIMA Well Father... I am in love.

VLAD This is great, my dear! And who is the lucky man?

RIMA Well Father...it's not a man.

VLAD What do you mean, my dear?

RIMA Oh Father, I am so sorry that I came to you with this request, but I had no one else to turn to.

VLAD Are you telling me that you wish to marry another woman?

RIMA Yes. Her name is Julia.

VLAD Capulich?

RIMA I know, I know it is a crazy thing to ask of you, especially in a place like Russia, but we are sincere, we are in love, and we will not allow sadistic and warped people like       (Mockingly) "His Divinity, the Messiah," "Her Divinity, the Prophetess,"       (Stop mocking.) or the Apostles tell us how we must live our lives. Gay is the way!       (Vlad shuts her up        and gestures that        the authorities        might be watching        them, and Rima        nods.) So will you help us, Father? Can you?

VLAD       (Now getting        nervous) This is no simple blessing you ask of me my child. The issue of homosexuality is a controversial one, not only in Russia, but here in this church, as well. I must be very careful. The wrong decision here could ruin my reputation, my career, and betray the trust of some of my closest friends.

RIMA I understand, Father. I am only here because I trust you, and I will trust in your decision here as well, whatever it will be.

VLAD Oh Rima….what shall I do, what shall I do?       (He paces back and        forth, deep in        thought…eventually        resolves himself        and turns.) You and Julia are in love? And you both understand the potential consequences of this thing? Then, I will do it.

RIMA       (Ecstatic, with        tears in her        eyes.) Oh Father, thank you so much!

Rima kisses Vlad on the cheek and exits

VLAD Farewell, my child, and may God help us all.       (Begins pacing        again.) What to do, what to do? My heart feels right, but my brain hasn't got a clue... I feel like I should approve of their love, But then there's God watching from above I promised I would help. I promised.       (Start getting        scared and        emotional.) Forgive me, O Lord I repent! I beg forgiveness of thee. To help would be to sin, and the devil would surely grin But to betray my dear old friend Would bring guilt to no end.

Tikhon comes in for his morning prayer, and Vlad looks at him with interest and relief. Tikhon is praying in Russian.

TIKHON       (Kneels) Vo imya Ottsa, i Syna , i Svyatogo Dukha, aminʹ.

VLAD       (To himself) Tikhon! God is sending me a message.       (To Tikhon) Hail, Divinity.

TIKHON       (Stands up.) Hail father. You hath interrupted me in prayer to the other Messiah.

VLAD What other…? I'm sorry, my son, but I must ask a favor of you. It pains me to say this, but I cannot lie, especially in the Lord's house. I have consented to marry Rima and Julia tomorrow.

TIKHON       (Shocked.) What?! HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING?!

VLAD Their love was so beautiful and pure, I promised to help. Now I realize what I have done. You must mercifully stop the ceremony tomorrow.

TIKHON       (Starts to leave.) Gladly.

VLAD       (Worried.) But you mustn't hurt them. They are blind under the eye of God. They know not what they've done wrong.

TIKHON But they've sinned none-the-less. The Lord is telling me to put a stop to this mess.

VLAD God is merciful, "The Other Messiah" is merciful, so you must be too!

TIKHON Bah! They deserve punishment for their transgressions.

VLAD You cannot, and will not, triumph love!

TIKHON Love? Love?! Hahaha! This is not love. Did you not ever read Leviticus 20:13? "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." This is lust of the lowest echelon. O, how do you even call yourself a priest? Heck, are you even heterosexual?

VLAD       (Looks at the        ground.) No, son. I am celibate. Since the day I did a great evil in the eyes of the Lord and also in your eyes…

TIKHON So you're confessing to committing a gay act?

VLAD Yes, I am. Since that fated day, May 24, 1993, my regret for that moment was so powerful that I decided to give up sex entirely.

Tikhon freezes up, on the brink of having a PTSD attack.

TIKHON F-F-For the records, please tell me specifically every detail about your crime.

VLAD It was a dark, rainy evening on the day I mentioned earlier. I had finished teaching a ballet class to 9-year-old boys, and all had left except one boy; I believe his name started with a "T."

Tikhon's face turns white, and he breaks into a cold sweat and starts hyperventilating.

The camera zooms into his eye and then into his brain.

INT. A DANCE STUDIO - EVENING

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE.

The footage is in black and white.

The studio's floors are made of smooth wood, and the walls are covered in mirrors. The young boy dancers dressed in black leotards leave the studio, with the exception of Tikhon, whose parents are late.

A younger, handsome, somewhat flamboyant Vlad approaches him.

VLAD My, my Tikhon. Your leotard looks just astonishing. Have I ever told you that?

CHILD TIKHON       (Shy.) Y-yes, sir.

VLAD Oh, Tikhon, there's no need to be shy around me. Now, do you like magic tricks?

CHILD TIKHON Yes.

VLAD I can make milk shoot out of your…

Vlad gives a pedo smile to Tikhon.

The camera only show Vlad's and Tikhon's shadows as Vlad molests the child.

CHILD TIKHON       (Crying) No! No!!! Stop touching me there!

FADE TO 5 YEARS LATER

INT. DR. CHEKOV'S OFFICE - DAY

STILL IN FLASHBACK

In the square office no bigger than a public restroom, Dr. Chekov, an old, gray-haired, mustachioed therapist, sits in a large, velvet-covered chair with a notepad and pen and taking notes.

Teenage Tikhon lies on a long, black couch with a vengeful and somber look on his face and his hands folded over his chest.

CHEKOV Tikhon, I understand your pain, and I know that kind of thing should never happen to a child. If anything could make you feel better, what would it be?

TEEN TIKHON A world where every gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender, including him, is gone somehow because of me, that's what. That's why I want to work in the Russian government when I grow up.

INT. THE CATHEDRAL - MORNING

CUT BACK TO THE PRESENT.

The camera zooms out of his eye.

Tikhon slowly breaks out of his cold sweat and hyperventilation.

TIKHON       (Scared.) It's-- it's you.       (The fear turns to        rage.) Apostles! After him!

The Apostles break into the cathedral and try to arrest Vlad. They refuse to fire their guns because they are afraid of accidentally shooting Tikhon.

Vlad is too quick for the Apostles, and while getting away, he triggers one of their smoke bombs.

TIKHON Thou will not escape mine vengeance, gay pedophile.

VLAD       (Escaping.) Watch me.       (Outside the        chapel.) Oh, no, what have I done?

Tikhon and the Apostles cough and try to fan away the smoke.

Tikhon's iPhone rings, and he answers it.

TIKHON Peter, I'm trying to do my Heavenly Father's will. What do you want?

PETER (V.O.)       (Through the        phone.) Oh, thank goodness you finally answered. Until just now, there has been no reception, and the internet has been acting very stupid. Since I finally have contact with you, I have some crimes to report.

TIKHON Crimes? You have pimples, your voice always cracks, and you work at a bloody Starbucks. What crimes could you possibly tell me about? Your Calculus teacher gave you too much homework?

PETER (V.O.)       (Agitated.) Just listen to this recording.

Tikhon receives the recording from the previous day and plays it.

TIKHON       (To himself) Borislava is transgendered? Her whole family shall be punished. That makes four criminals to bring to justice. Yes, I finally get to punish the man who scarred me for life, who stole my very childhood. But, my cousin is in that group and" I cannot kill a family member. Argh! What am I saying? It's 3 homos and a tranny.       (Calls Samarina on        the phone.) Darling, I want you to gather your men and have them find and slay those Four Horsemen now.

Scene 3

EXT. ROSE GARDEN - DAY

Julia is relaxing on a bench with a rose in her hand and a smile on her face. Her short, semi-sexy dress is as blue as the sky that is out now.

Borislava and Ivan, on their date, come strolling down to where Julia is.

IVAN Your parents thought you were gay back then?

BORISLAVA Yep. But they were completely wrong. If I were gay, I would look in the mirror and see a boy who loves other boys. However, when I look in the mirror, I see"I see a girl who's a person.

Ivan spots Julia, and his jaw drops.

BORISLAVA Baby, are you looking at other girls?       (Turns head.) Holy Saint Francis! I think I just became bisexual. Wow, Julia, you look stunning.

JULIA Thanks Borislava. And if you don't mind me asking, what are you and Ivan talking about?

BORISLAVA I was about to tell him the story of my transgendered life, and boy, is it a long one.

JULIA       (In a joking, sexy        tone.) I love 'em nice and long, if you know what I mean.

BORISLAVA You naughty child. Ok, here goes. 17 years ago, I was born into a middle class household. I was a bouncing, plump, young baby girl, but what I did not know was that I was in the wrong body, and I had the wrong name to go with it. My name was Borislav. On the inside, I was 100% female; I never wanted to wear my boy clothes or play with my cars and action figures, but I preferred my cousin Rima's Barbie dolls, dresses, tutus, and leotards. My parents just thought I was gay at the time, or maybe it was a phase that would pass. But it wasn't. Oh, the tantrums I threw, the sleepless nights I had to go through. It continued until I was eight years old, when my parents took me to Dr. Chekov, who diagnosed me with gender identity disorder. He suggested that my parents buy me a new wardrobe consisting of girl's clothes, underwear, and swimsuits; and also that they legally change my name. Plus, he suggested that they put me on blocker drugs at age 11 and estrogen at age 13! I was so happy, and I felt almost complete, but it wasn't all peaches and cream. I was bullied at school"I was called names like "slag" and "tranny," and I got shoved inside lockers and shizz like that. When I was 14 and already had my b***s, some a-hole pushed me so that my butt got stuck in the locker, and boy, I was wedged in there until a really cute, open-minded rich boy helped me out. Guess who he is.

JULIA       (Smiling.) Um, Ivan?

IVAN Correct.

JULIA Wow, that's a very touching and inspiring story.

BORISLAVA Mmmhm! And these are my last weeks of having my pee-pee. In two months, I will get gender reassignment surgery. Oh, everything will be so perfect. I'll have my V and my boyfriend, I'll be ungrounded, and Dick-hon will have lost his power.

JULIA Honestly, girl, I would really love to shake hands with that Dr. Chekov guy.

A helicopter swiftly flies overhead.

A screen just next to the garden shows a crier, a handsome man with black hair, a clefted chin, large cheekbones, and an even larger smile.

CRIER       (From the screen.) This is Crier Hansel Fridov, saying congratulations, Apostle Juanito Herod Montoya, for incarcerating Dr. Rimsky Chekov as punishment for helping trangender children. This arrest has helped you surpass the record of Prophetess Samarina Capulich herself.

JULIA       (Pissed off.) HOW ABOUT SOME SYMPATHY FOR THE VICTIMS, YOU BLOODY CRIER. DON'T YOU SEE HE'S JUST A MURDERER?       (She throws a        stone sculpture        of a book at the        screen.) I don't want to live on this planet anymore. Actually, I love this planet. It's those homophobes that need to leave.

BORISLAVA I know, right? This is so freaking low! Like, when's your cousin going to leave us alone and respect the fact that He made us this way?

JULIA Um, Tikhon didn't make us; our parents did.

BORISLAVA Girlfriend, I'm talkin' 'bout good ol' Jehovah, Yahweh, Allah, Morgan Freeman, the big man in the sky, the capital H-I-M.       (Sings) I'm beautiful in my way, Cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way.

IVAN Don't be a drag, just be a queen.

JULIA       (Frantic.) SHHHHH! Just because I hate the Apostles doesn't mean I want to be martyred by them.

BORISLAVA Hey, look who's talking, book-thrower.       (The girls laugh.) Ah, here cometh thy lady.

Scene 4

EXT. ROSE GARDEN - CONTINUOUS

Rima enters the garden at a fast pace and with a huge smile.

RIMA Julia!!!       (Hugs her tightly) Oh, Julia, he said "yes."

Julia, too excited to speak, kisses Rima's lips.

Borislava and Ivan take the romanticness in and start making out as well.

As the couples stare into their significant others' eyes, the crier speaks up.

CRIER And now for some tunes.

"A Very Special Love" by Sarah Geronimo is played as the couples take part in a romantic slow-dancing scene.

After much hurried searching, Vlad enters the rose garden, all tuckered out.

VLAD Make haste! Make haste!

RIMA But why? Is not the wedding tomorrow?

JULIA Rima, the sooner we get married, the sooner we will be together.

RIMA You're right.

Rima smiles at Julia and they both kneel to be married, and Borislava and Ivan stand aside, hold each other and smile.

VLAD So smile the heavens upon this holy act, That after hours with sorrow chide us not! These violent delights have violent ends And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey Is loathsome in his own deliciousness And in the taste confounds the appetite: Therefore love moderately; long love doth so; Rima, do thou takest Julia, whether the sun shine or the sky rain or snow?

RIMA I do.

VLAD And Julia, do you take Rima as your faithful wife? Do you take her in both times of joy, and times of unhappy strife?

JULIA I do.

VLAD       (Stammering.) Then by the--power vested in me by--God for eternal life Do I hence pronounce you, Rima and Julia, loving wife and wife.

Loud, happy music plays as they lean in for a kiss.

Suddenly, Apostle Juanito Montoya, the deadliest Apostle, crashes the wedding, and Samarina and some other Apostles follow.

This man is 22 years old, 6'8" tall and has spiky brown hair. Behind his feline mask is a scraggly beard, a cocky look in his brown eyes, and a pretty face.

JUANITO I found 'em!

Samarina and the other Apostles grab the 5 people in the garden. Samarina is grabbing Julia.

SAMARINA STOP!!!!       (pause) This is INSANITY! THIS MUST BE STOPPED!!!

RIMA       (Struggling) I--how did you know? We told nobody of this wedding! Julia!

SAMARINA       (To Juanito.) Well done, Montoya; you will be promoted to Vice Prophet for your good deeds.       (To Julia) JULIA! You hath besmirched the name of the Capulich family!       (To Rima) And you! Oh, Rima, you sicken me! Incarnation of Succubus, how dare you possess the soul of my cousin-in-law! You must die!

VLAD Please, no, I never wanted this!

SAMARINA Montoya, go and castrate him, let him bleed to death, and be sure to record it with this HD camera. That way, he will never again molest a young boy, even in hell, and my dear husband will know of this fact.

JUANITO Yes, Your Divinity.

Juanito restrains Vlad and carries him away while Vlad screams his lungs out.

Julia wiggles out of Samarina's grip and b***h-slaps her.

Samarina knocks her to the ground. Rima tries to get out of her Apostles' grips, but they're too strong. Samarina is about to kill Julia with suffocation when Borislava bites the hand that is over her mouth and shouts.

BORISLAVA Stop!

SAMARINA Try and stop me, ladyboy!       (She calls an        Apostle to hold        Julia and stand        up.) Tikhon told me all about you. Your ungodly half-and-half anatomy has already sealed your fate, and will send you to your death, followed by my treasonous cousin and yours.

Juanito enters to tell Samarina some good news.

JUANITO Divinity, I just did it! Vladimir is dead now.

SAMARINA Perfect.

JUANITO       (Points at        Borislava.) Hey, is that a ladyboy? Hey, tranny, don't you realize that you're committing a heinous TRANS-gression?

Samarina and Juanito laugh.

A furious Ivan knocks his Apostles out cold and steps up to fight Samarina.

IVAN Consort! What, dost thou makes us minstrels? And thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords. Here's my fiddlestick!       (Holds up his        dagger.) Here's that shall make you dance! Zounds Consorts!

Ivan slashes at Samarina. Samarina avoids being killed, but her left eye is sliced in half.

Juanito shoots Ivan in his right shoulder and paralyzes his (Ivan's) right arm.

Ivan keels over in pain, but then looks up at his opponents and makes a pun.

IVAN I can still take you on single-handedly.

Ivan lunges at Samarina, trying to stab her. Samarina shoots Ivan in the forehead with her revolver. Then, she takes the blood from the wound and spreads it on his forehead as a reference to the Bible verse Tikhon quoted earlier.

IVAN       (Slurring) A plague on this society!!!       (Dies)

Borislava, Rima, and Julia look at the horrid spectacle in fear and melancholy. Borislava, seeing that the only man to love her as a girlfriend, is choked up.

BORISLAVA O Rima, Rima, brave Ivan's dead! That gallant spirit hath aspired the clouds, Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.

RIMA       (Furiously        screaming.) SAMARIIIIINNNNNAAAAAAA!!!!

Rima squirms out of the Apostles' clutches and knocks them out with her martial arts skills. She goes on to beat up the other Apostles, including Juanito, and dodge their bullets until the Prophetess has nobody to cover her. She then confronts Samarina.

RIMA Die, fiend. You don't belong in this world.

SAMARINA It was not by my doing that I was brought to power. I was called here by into this position by God, who wished to make me a Savior, alongside my lover.

RIMA Savior? You and your hateful husband slaughter innocent people just for being different.

SAMARINA All of his victims were sinful and deserving of death,       (Lowers voice.) including President Ivanovich. Trust me, I'm the wife of the Messiah, the daughter-in-law of God himself.

RIMA Your words are as empty as your blasphemous soul. Mankind ill needs a savior such as you.

SAMARINA What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets. But enough talk; have at you!

Samarina fires three of her four remaining shots at Rima, but they all miss because of Rima's quick reflexes. Julia's parents and Peter, out for a walk, come across the spectacle, followed by the rest of the Montevsky family. Rima then slides under Samarina's legs, grabs the gun out of the holster, and shoots her with the last bullet. Rima, seeing what she just did, tries to get away, but Juanito wakes up, grabs her and ties her up.

Tikhon walks in on the crime scene, takes a long look at it, and rushes to Samarina's side.

TIKHON       (Freaking out.) Samarina!!! Honey, Are you okay? Holy Saint Francis, you're wounded!       (holds her.) Shhhshshshsh. You're going to be okay, you're going to live, right? Right?!

Samarina shakes her head side to side, and Tikhon's heart skips a beat.

SAMARINA       (Using all her        strength to        speak.) I--killed--molester--like--you--did, m-m-my--knight.

She stares vacantly into space as her life flashes before her eyes.

Scene 5

INT. SAMARINA'S MIND - DAY

FLASHBACK SEQUENCE.

This scene jumps locations and times all the time because it is Samarina's life flashing before her eyes.

All dialog in this scene sounds echo-ey, and all the colors in the visuals are reduced, but not gone.

Samarina's 2-year old face is dissloved over the foreground. It is extremely cute and full of happiness, and as it approaches 10 years of age, the happiness grows exponentially.

Until her face becomes 10 years old, her memories being shown are nothing but laughter and happy moments such as opening Christmas presents, playing catch with her sister, and listening to her mother sing.

Then, the loud pounding of a baseball bat on a girl's head resounds, and Samarina's young, happy face quickly snaps into a face of shock, sadness, anger, and hatred. As the horrid memories fly by, the face ages into the beautiful yet somewhat gaunt face of present-day Samarina.

Her memories being shown are those of being kidnapped by lesbian pedophile Helga Yershov and then said criminal introducing herself to her victim.

SAMARINA Please don't hurt me, ma'am!

HELGA       (With a creeper        smile.) Aww, don't call ma'am; call me Helga Yershov. I'm your best friend.

Then, the flashes show Samarina being sexually, physically, and mentally abused by her captor throughout the years.

Samarina's face disappears from the foreground, and she, as an adult, is shown handcuffed in a shed, listening to Tikhon and Helga argue.

As of this time, Tikhon is only a policeman, not a dictator, prime minister, nor Apostle.

TIKHON (O.S.) Open the damn shed now!

HELGA (O.S.) I'm telling you there's nothing in there. I swear on the Bible.

TIKHON (O.S.) Well I'm telling you that I was not born yesterday, so I say you're lying. OPEN THE SHED OR I'LL SHOOT!

HELGA (O.S.) Do it.

A gunshot is heard, and Tikhon barges into the shed.

From Samarina's point of view, Tikhon runs over to her, kneels beside her, and looks her in the eyes.

SAMARINA       (Startled and        ecstatic at the        same time.) You-you saved me.

TIKHON What is your name?

SAMARINA S-s-s-s-Samarina S-s-Smirnoff

Tikhon realizes he's looking at the girl who appeared on the "Missing" posters a few days before he was molested. His face shows this realization.

TIKHON Samarina? Samarina?!

The colors return, the echo stops, and Tikhon's realization face morphs into a worried one full of tears.

Scene 6

EXT. ROSE GARDEN - DAY

BACK TO PRESENT

Still from Samarina's POV.

TIKHON SAMARINA!!!

FADE TO WHITE

Now it's a third-person POV again.

Borislava, Julia, and their families are still at the crime scene, Rima is tied up, and all Apostles except for Juanito, who is technically now the Prophet, are unconscious

Tikhon cradles Samarina in his arms and weeps. He then lays the corpse down and leaps to his feet in an angered, vengeful frenzy.

TIKHON       (Shouting and        cursing.) Where are the vile beginners of this fray?! WHERE THE F**K ARE THEY?!

BORISLAVA       (Still upset about        her boyfriend's        death.) Your Divinity, I can discover all The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl: There lies that b***h, slain by young Rima, That slew my boyfriend, brave Ivan.

LADY CAPULICH       (Weeping) Sama, my cousin; O my brother's in-law! O Divinity, O cousin, husband. O, the blood is spilt. O my dear in-law, President, thou are not a foe, For blood of ours, shed blood of Montevsky. O cousin, cousin!

TIKHON Borislava, who began this vile fray?

BORISLAVA Samarina hit the life of stout Ivan Samarina here slain, whom Rima's hand did slay.

LADY CAPULICH I beg for justice, which thou, Tikhon, must give, Rima slew thy wife, Rima must not live.

TIKHON       (Sarcastic, for he        knows the answer.) Rima slew her, she slew Ivan. Who now the price of her dear blood doth owe?

BORISLAVA Not Rima, Chief, she was Ivan's friend; Her fault concludes but what the law should end, The life of thine wife.

TIKHON And for that offence immediately we must slay her hence!

Juanito c***s his gun.

BORISLAVA SLAY HER HENCE?

MONTEVSKY Slay her hence?

MRS. MONTEVSKY Slay her hence?

BORISLAVA But noble...

Tikhon aims his AK-47 at Borislava.

TIKHON You dare question my leadership, slag?

MONTEVSKY       (Desperate to save        Rima's life.) Nononononono, She was about to tell you of a creative way to execute Rima.

BORISLAVA UNCLE!

MONTEVSKY You could send her to Yershov for life; after all, said camp does have living conditions most horrid and fatal. That way, Rima may die and will be separated from Julia, and then thy cousin just might kill herself and save you the trouble.

TIKHON Julia is no cousin of mine, but fair enough! I will amend my bill to stay true to the deal, but I shall add my own twist. As of 48 hours from now, Rima, Borislava, and all gays are sentenced to a life of hard labor in Yershov, Russian-Antarctic Territory.

Scene 7

INT. KREMLIN PALACE LIVING ROOM - DAY

This scene will be done in mime, with some sad music. The Capuliches have a private funeral service for Samarina. In the Kremlin Palace living room, Lord and Lady Capulich, Julia, Peter, Dmitry, and even Nana are mourning Sam's death and glaring at Julia. Tikhon is bawling over the loss of his wife and he turns to Julia. He lunges at her and tries to strangle her, but Capulich, Peter, and Dmitry hold him back. Tikhon stops and exits to start preparing for the televised funeral service which will be in 2 days. Lord and Lady Capulich and Dmitry give furious glares to Julia because of her unauthorized marriage to another woman, who happens to be a killer. The parents walk over to Julia and beat her, and Dmitry smiles. Nana runs away, and Julia calls her a coward. Dmitry goes down on one knee to propose to Julia, but she says "no." She then receives another beating. Julia still says "no" until her father threatens to slit her throat; then she says "yes" to marrying Dmitry.

Scene 8

EXT. THE CITY SQUARE OF MOSCOW - EVENING

The sun is setting, and some clouds roll in to cover the sky.

Later that same day, Samarina's funeral/Julia's wedding to Dmitry occurs in the city square, and many citizens attend, dressed entirely in black formal wear, matching cat masks, and silver crucifix necklaces. Tikhon and Prophet Juanito are dressed similar this way as well, except Tikhon's face is showing, and Juanito wears a black robe.

Rima gives one last look to Julia as she (Rima) and Borislava are thrown into a helicopter destined for Antarctica.

The chopper flies away, leaving Julia with a crocodile-smiling Dmitry.

FADE TO A FEW MINUTES LATER.

TIKHON       (Solemn.) I pronounce you, Dmitry and Julia, husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.

Dmitry kisses Julia as tears stream down her face.

TIKHON I do love a good wedding. Especially this one, because it just goes to show that you can find love even in the most hopeless of places. Julia married the finest man in Russia at this funeral, a dark, solemn event where we are here to send a strong, beautiful, goddess-like woman to a better place. Her name is Samarina Vesna Capulich Smirnoff. Born in 1983, she was raised in Stalingrad by her loving parents and older sister. Much like myself, she was living a happy-go-lucky childhood until May 21, 1993, when she was       (Tries to fight        back tears.) abducted and forced to live under most unspeakable living conditions. She could have easily killed herself, but she stuck it out and gained an adamant hatred against gays, for her captor was lesbian.       (Now starts to        cry.) AND HOW WAS SHE REPAID FOR HER DIGNITY AND BRAVERY?! SHE HAD THE DISHONOR OF BEING SLAIN BY THE SCOURGE! A LESBIAN FROM THE HOUSE OF MONTEVSKY!       (He stops crying.) And worst of all, it's all my fault. I have been much too lenient with the freaks and have brought dishonor to my Heavenly Father; I know this for a fact because He spoke to me through Samarina's cadaver. But have no fear, civilized folk, for things are going to be quite different now. Prophet, have you hacked every satellite worldwide?

JUANITO Yes, my liege.

TIKHON Good. Now show the entire world that the Messiah has returned.

Juanito nods and then fiddles with his Macbook until all televisions in the world have turned on and they all show Tikhon. This dystopian phenomenon is shown onscreen to evil Latin chanting.

TIKHON Attention, world. This is the Messiah of Russia telling you to have no fear. Though the gays may still be turning into bloodthirsty anarchists, I am currently in the process of trying to protect you all. Think of me as the bodyguard of all who are civilized; no, think of me as the Second Coming of Christ. For all of your sakes, I have amended my anti-gay bill so that it states that I am in power till the day I die. Also, everyone around the world, rich and poor, old and young, powerful and powerless, do you want to receive wealth and honor beyond your wildest dreams?       (Everyone around        the world gasps.) Then by law, I need you all to join my Apostle force and start capturing every LGBT you suspect, worldwide. I will give 50 million rubles to any Apostle who sends 20 heathens to Yershov Labor Camp in Antarctica. I will let every leader of the world know of their country's monthly quota for capturing freaks. If this quota is not met, the disobedient nation will have a high risk of being either destroyed or colonized. Gentlemen, It's time for the era of the New New Testament, an era during which we follow the 16 Commandments: the Ten made by God, and,in honor of the six years I have spent with my wife, Six made by me.

Montage: Tikhon is officially coronated. The montage continues as Tikhon gives a voice-over explaining the New Six Commandments.

TIKHON (V.O.) One: Thou shalt not have a romantic attraction to anyone of the same sex. Two: Thou shalt not change thy gender, for it is vandalism of God's work. Three: Thou shalt not say words such as "gay" or "bi," for speech can be very manipulative. Four: Thou shalt work together to get rid of the scourge. You all are required to be an Apostle and help thy country meet its arrest quota lest it become a part of the Empire. Your captives must be sent to Yershov Labor camp, the mere waiting room of their castigation.

The Apostles arrest not just Russian gays, but every gay worldwide, including big-name celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres, Kim Petras, and Neil Patrick Harris. A map shows that other countries around the world are either becoming a member of the United Empire of Tikhonist Russia, or they are becoming a part of Russia itself. The Capital is moved to what was formerly Dubai, UAE, and renamed "Samarina." Inmates are shown building statues in the images of Tikhon, Samarina, and Juanito; building The Church of Capulich, a large stadium to be used for battle royales; and dying in the process. The next two commandments are to be revealed in the third act. The world has entered a dark age.

Act 3 Scene 1

EXT. THE UNITED EMPIRE OF TIKHONIST RUSSIA - LATER

14 YEARS LATER

This scene is a story within a story.

The subtitle "Fourteen Years Later" appears at the bottom of the screen. The camera reveals the metropolitan city of Samarina, where the propaganda screens are now the length and width of Olympic swimming pools. Tikhon's face is on the screen, as it is three times a day, and reading the Six New Commandments.

TIKHON Five: Thou art required to watch every Exorcism, a weekly sporting event that prevents the overpopulation of Yershov and exponentially increases the safety of the civilized folk. Six: Thou art required to celebrate...       (Dramatic pause.) Sozhaleniye.

The camera cuts to high up in the clouds over Antarctica and zooms down below them.

Six large, gray, 5-story buildings shaped like capital T's are shown from the sky. These buildings make up the living area of the expanded Yershov Labor Camp, which now makes up most of Antarctica.

Cut to the inside of the camp, where many inmates wearing nothing but rags are carving more statues glorifying Tikhon. A young girl, who was most likely innocent, is shown sitting in the snow, shivering, and devouring her own feces due to severe malnourishment. Her arms and legs have absolutely no muscle on them.

Baltazar Montoya, the gay son of Juanito, is shown for the first time. He looks at the little girl and is thoroughly sickened because of the spectacle. Baltazar takes a raw herring out of his pocket and gives it to the little girl. She takes it gratefully, horks it down, and smiles at him.

A bell rings, and all the prisoners go inside the building and back into their cells.

Baltazar is shown praying to God, the real God, in his cell. Across the hall, the little girl (whose name is Katrina) tells cellmates/mother figures Rima and Borislava about Baltazar's good deeds.

RIMA Baltazar, a thousand blessings upon you!

Baltazar smiles and thanks God for His grace. Suddenly, a computerized female voice sounds throughout the prison.

FEMALE VOICE Vladlena DeSinna has committed suicide. She will not compete in this weekly Exorcism. Taking her place: Baltazar Montoya.

Baltazar, startled by this, starts to cry because he feels strong mixed emotions. He is scared to die, happy to have a chance to go to heaven and end his miserable life, excited to possibly win the Exorcism, angry to have to see Tikhon's face in person, etc.

An Exorcism is a weekly sporting event that takes place in the Church of Capulich every Saturday. During this event, 60 inmates are delivered to the Church, which is really a giant colliseum, and forced to fight to the death until one remains. These games can take minutes, hours, or even days.

Two Apostles curtly open Baltazar's cell and escort him out of the camp and onto a chopper.

CUT

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CHURCH OF CAPULICH - MORNING

The Church of Capulich is 150 meters tall and about 1 kilometer in diameter. In front of the main entrance is the City Square of Samarina, crowded with people and with two giant stone tablets in the center. The tablets have the Six New Commandments engraved on them, and between them is a statue of Samarina looking calm and graceful. Across the Square from the Church is Tikhon's grand palace, the former Burj Khalifa.

Julia Ivanovich-Capulich, now a grown woman, is seen with her husband Dmitry, their pre-teen son Cloud, their 8-year-old son Locke, and their baby daughter Selphie. Dmitry wears an Apostle uniform minus the mask. As they walk toward the stadium, Julia wears a neutral expression to keep herself from crying.

Tikhon is revealed in front of the Ivanoviches. He now has long, gray hair, a Stalin moustache, and a goatee. He wears a white tuxedo with a red tie and white dress shoes.

The Ivanovich family lines up for the VIP entrance behind Tikhon and Juanito. They greet each other.

TIKHON       (To Dmitry,        smiling.) Ah, good to see you, Vice Prophet. Your wife is as beautiful as ever; oh, and I see a lot of her in little Selphie       (To Dmitry's sons,        trying to be hip.) Yo, what up, dudes? Ready to see some heathens kill each other?

Cloud and Locke nod. Tikhon smiles.

A guard Apostle sits at the VIP entrance. Other Apostles give their guns to him.

APOSTLE No guns allowed. Right this way. No guns allowed. Right this way. No guns allowed. Right this way.       (To Juanito and        Tikhon) Oh, right this way, Your Divinities. You may take your guns inside.       (To Dmitry) No guns allowed. Right this way.

CUT

INT. INSIDE THE CHURCH OF CAPULICH - CONTINUOUS

The inside of the Church of Capulich is absolutely grand. The shape of the stadium is that of a large doughnut. There is an immense, circular, sandy field for the inmates to fight in, which is in a 9-meter-deep pit. 2 meters above the pit is a row of boxes, luxurious spaces reserved for VIP's and their friends and family. Above the boxes are 3 million seats arranged in tiers, all filled with screaming sadists and some people who were forced to be there. The Church is surrounded by six of those giant screens, each facing the stadium. They are supported by tall, hexagonal cylindric pylons shaped like integral signs so they can be in everyone's view.

CRIER Welcome to this week's Exorcism! I'm Hansel Fridov here in the box of Their Divinities, Messiah Tikhon Capulich and Prophet Juanito Montoya. Also, the Vice Prophet and family are here.       (To Tikhon) Your Divinity, thank you for allowing me to watch this Exorcism with you.

TIKHON Don't mention it, Crier. It's my best pleasure to make you my company. In fact, for your service to the UETR, I bought you a ticket to the Sozhaleniye Exorcism.

CRIER Oh, Your Divinity, You shouldn't have.       (To Juanito) Ahem, let's give His Divinity The Prophet some love. Your Divinity, what's your opinion of today's fighters?

JUANITO       (Smiling and        laughing.) Well, I think they're pretty interesting. I heard one inmate actually hung herself at the last minute, so someone else had to take her place. I can't wait to see who it is.

TIKHON You will find out soon.       (Turns on his        microphone        attached to his        shirt.) Demons, Heathens, Wretched Scourge, Show yourselves to us, I urge.

Doors in the walls of the pit open, and all 60 inmates walk into the pit. Baltazar walks in with an apprehensive look on his face. He then sees a familiar face up in one of the boxes. This is the face of his father, Juanito Montoya.

Juanito looks into his son's eyes and starts to wonder.

JUANITO Who's that college-age boy?

TIKHON That's Baltazar Montoya. Why?

JUANITO       (Outraged and        whispering.) That's my son. What's he doing in the pit? You told me he'd been abducted.

TIKHON       (Whispers) I fibbed, now can you stop talking?       (Into the mic.) Say the pledge!

The fighters say the pledge.

FIGHTERS       (including        Baltazar.) We are Legion, for we are many. We who are about to die bow to Your Divinity.

TIKHON       (Stands up and        stretches out his        arms.) CRISTO!!!

The floodgates open and the pit fills with near-freezing water. Dangerous marine life, such as sharks and moray eels, is released, and a Jet-ski is dropped into the water by an overpassing helicopter. 47 of the contestants die instantly either by drowning or by freezing to death, so 13 remain, including Baltazar and former drag queen Rudolph Sage. This man has a similar build to Juanito, but is slightly shorter, and his bald scalp is tattooed pink. Rudolph reaches the Jet-ski and uses it to run over his opponents one by one. Lastly, he attempts to hit Baltazar, and almost succeeds, but the latter ducks underwater just in time. Baltazar finds a moray eel lunging at him, but he grabs it by the neck and swims up with it. Baltazar shows his face to his assailant. Rudolph tries again to hit Baltazar with the Jet-ski, but Baltazar throws the eel at his neck, the eel bites, and Baltazar wins.

While all this is happening, Julia is cringing in mental agony because of all the deaths of fellow gays she's witnessing. When the eel bites through Rudolph's neck, she throws up. Note: The reason she's not at Yershov is that Tikhon pardoned her when she married Dmitry because she's family and presumably gave up her homosexuality. He's very mistaken. Juanito also cringes and fidgets, but only when his son is about to be killed. He sighs with relief when Baltazar wins. The rest of the people in Tikhon's box cheer, whoop, and act gung-ho.

The water resides, and Tikhon announces the winner loudly and excitedly.

TIKHON Baltazar Montoya is victor!!!

DMITRY No, Your Divinity, your uncle's name is Viktor.

TIKHON I mean Baltazar didn't die, Stroganoff brain.

DMITRY Oh.

Baltazar stands up on the wet sand and raises his arms in joy because he thinks his life from now on will be great since he won, but he's wrong. Two burly Apostles enter the pit, grab Baltazar's arms, and take him to be "cured," or lobotomized.

INT. THE HOSPITAL - CONTINUOUS

Baltazar walks down a long, gray hallway to the operating room, still guided by Apostles. He is then strapped to a hospital bed and sedated. He does not fight much. An Apostle/doctor takes out an ice pick, places the point in the inner corner of Baltazar's right eye, takes out a small hammer, and nails the ice pick into his head. The camera shows Baltazar's face, now with two black eyes.

INT. THE MONTOYA HOUSEHOLD - CONTINUOUS

After the operation, Baltazar is driven back to his mother and father's household.

Baltazar's face shows no desire of living anymore. He is now mentally retarded and emotionally disabled, with the exception of the guilt he feels for murdering another man. He cannot even feel love for his family.

Baltazar enters Tikhon's Palace and makes his way to the Prophet's living quarters. When he enters them, Juanito and his wife run to him and hug him tightly.

JUANITO Baltazar! Oh, my son!

SRA. MONTOYA It's so great to have you back!

When his parents let go of him, Baltazar rapidly heads toward the kitchen and overdoses on medicine offscreen.

A thump is heard coming from the kitchen. Juanito and his wife run to the kitchen and find their son lying on the floor, dead. Both of their hearts skip a beat. They collapse on the ground and mourn over their deceased son. Juanito then stands up in rage and throws a tantrum, smashing a bust of Tikhon, throwing a portrait of Samarina, and knocking over a prisoner-made Tikhon statue, all while shouting, cursing, and adlibbing in Russian.

Scene 2

INT. YERSHOV LABOR CAMP - NIGHT

Rima, Borislava, and Katrina shiver in their cell. Two Apostles come by to talk to them.

APOSTLE       (Opens cell.) Oy! Good news, Katrina. Since Baltazar's gone, you get to have your own cell.       (He drags Katrina        out of the cell        and into the one        across the hall.) As for you two, Montevsky and Montevsky, it's rape time.       (Plays Rock Paper        Scissors Lizard        Spock with the        other Apostle.) Hah! Lizard poisons Spock, so I take the lesbi, and you take the tranny.

Since the movie is rated PG-13, this sex scene isn't "too" sexy. Borislava is laid on the bed on her stomach, and Rima is laid on her back. The Apostles proceed to fornicate with the women as Rima pulls a picture of Julia out from under her pillow. She looks at it, and sad music starts to play.

INT. TIKHON'S PALACE - NIGHT

Julia sits in a comfortable chair in the living room of the Vice Prophet's quarters. She is about to have a nightly cry over her Schrodinger's-catted lesbian lover Rima when her sons enter the room laughing and shouting like kids.

CLOUD       (To his brother.) Let's play Exorcism.

LOCKE Yeah! I'll be Baltazar.

CLOUD I'll be Sage.

The boys re-enact the most recent Exorcism. Cloud pretends to be Sage, killing competitors by driving a Jet-ski. Locke exaggerates Baltazar's trying to swim.

LOCKE       (Mocking        flamboyant tone) Ohmigawd, guys; I'm drowning! This is sooo not fabulous.

Julia slams her fist down on a table and leaves the living room to be by herself. The boys continue their re-enactment.

A sad romantic song plays as Julia and Rima both go through memories of being together, and at the end of the montage, Julia even tries to draw a picture of what Rima may look like. Tikhon catches her in this act and sneers, hinting at something wicked he may do the next day.

Scene 3

EXT. THE CITY SQUARE OF SAMARINA - MORNING

The Square is crowded with people from all across the Empire. They have all come for the A.R., the Apprenticial Raffle.

Tikhon, Juanito, Dmitry, and families stand on a 6-meter-high marble stage. This stage is a 1m-tall slab of marble held up by statues of "freaks" who suffer under the weight.

TIKHON My children, the third of February has once again arrived.

Everyone applauds except Julia, Juanito and his wife.

TIKHON In two days, a day of dark memories will be upon us: Sozhaleniye. This exact day is the anniversary of Samarina's abduction, the anniversary of when Vladimir won the trial when my parents sued him for his molestation of me, and the day of Samarina's death. Everything that happened on this day was related in one way, it was caused by a freak. These memories of ours should not be celebrated, but mourned forever. However, what should be, and what is, celebrated is that we are getting closer and closer to a future where February 5th will have no need of being called Sozhaleniye, because the freaks will be extinct, unable to cause any more of these memories, forevermore. Now, on to the subject of this year's Sozhaleniye Exorcism. 100 contestants will be chosen from Yershov tonight, but as you all know, they will not kill each other. They will either kill or be killed by six armed fighters randomly selected from the civilian crowd. By law, the only crowds that should exist are the underaged, the elderly, and the Apostles; but for many reasons, this is not the case. For one thing, being an Apostle takes a lot of physical, mental, and psychological fitness that some people unfortunately lack. For another thing, some people may not be interested in joining the force, but instead may pursue another dream; and I understand this, after all I can't do some kind of Jedi mind-meld with everyone to make them interested. Unfourtunately, the law is the law, and every civilian of age is breaking one that deserves punishment not as severe as life in Yershov, but almost as frightful. Sozhaleniye is the only day when I, with much guilt in my heart, actually kinda do force people to be Apostles, six people to be exact. Since they only go to training for a day, they are not true Apostles Per se; they are Apprentices. But enough talk. The time has come to select 3 courageous men and 3 strong women to become this year's Apprentices to the Apostles.

Juanito and Dmitry bring out two giant fishbowls filled with small cards. Tikhon first draws some cards from Juanito's bowl.

TIKHON       (Drawing cards        from one bowl.) Xavier Tyson.       (He goes up        onstage.) Elphias Khrennikov.       (He goes up        onstage.) Ulfat Osmann.       (He goes up        onstage.) And now for the women. Ahem, Sonya Nikonov, come on up.       (Everyone in the        audience gasps.        She goes up        onstage.) Suong Ha.       (Everyone gasps        again. Tikhon        gets confused and        then goes back to        calling names. He        gives a slight        chuckle.) Julia Ivanovich.

Julia steps forward, already onstage, with her heart in her throat.

TIKHON Our Apprentices, Xavier Tyson, Julia Ivanovich, Elphias Khrennikov, Suong Ha, Ulfat Osmann, and Sonya Nikonov. Give them a round of applause.

Only 60% of the audience applauds, much less applause than the other Apprenticial Raffles got.

Scene 4

INT. TIKHON'S THRONE ROOM - DAY

Dmitry storms into the throne room where Tikhon is.

He marches to where Tikhon is...

TIKHON Ah, nice to see you, Vice--

... and slaps him in the face. Tikhon calls for security, and some Apostles grab Dmitry.

TIKHON How dare you physically abuse the Messiah!

DMITRY How dare I abuse you? How dare you put my wife in that horridly fatal position? That's the better question here. You know she would never harm a fly, let alone kill 100 "freaks."

TIKHON Dmitry, don't be so silly. That raffle was pure luck. Anyone could have been in your wife's shoes.

DMITRY       (sarcastic.) Really?       (Opens briefcase        and takes cards        just like the        ones in the bowls        out of it.) Julia Ivanovich. Julia Ivanovich. Julia Ivanovich. Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia,       (Throws handful of        cards at Tikhon.) JULIA!

TIKHON Then how did I draw Sonya's and Suong's names, hmm?

DMITRY By doing what a true Republican would do: bullshitting it! One, Suong Ha is underaged, so by law, she shouldn't be in the pit unless she was an inhabitant of Yershov. Two, Sonya already won an Exorcism. Not just any Exorcism, but the longest one ever, the tenth Sozhaleniye Exorcism, which lasted three weeks straight. You obviously thought of these names in your head.

TIKHON Hey, these Exorcisms are slipping in ratings, so I needed some famous faces in there somewhere. An All-star and UETR's youngest ever Olympic gymnast; that's a show.

DMITRY I don't care about the stupid ratings and why you made two celebrities into Apprentices. All I care about is why you really want my wife to be in the pit.

TIKHON Oh, Dmitry. I never wanted to tell you this, but-- your wife is still gay.       (Pause) I'm serious. I saw her in the hallway, drawing a picture of Rima and crying over it.

DMITRY Because of a stupid picture. Just like the fifth one.

He's referring to the fifth Sozhaleniye Exorcism.

TIKHON Dmitry, Dmitry, Dmitry. If you want your wife to survive so much, why don't you go over to the bad part of the city and ask a druggie for some Hypnozene?       (Dmitry is        confused.) You know, the drug that Gregor took and then afterward killed your father?

DMITRY Why don't you go get it, Your Divinity?

TIKHON Because that drug was outlawed a year ago, and I'm no hypocrite. Unlike you, Mr. "I'm an Apostle, so that makes me able to slap Tikhon."

DMITRY Fine, I'll do it.       (Walks toward the        door, then turns        around at the        threshold.) By the way, how appropriate is it that the major import of Samarina is crabs!

TIKHON Be gone.

Scene 5

EXT. BAD PART OF THE CITY - NIGHT

Dmitry walks down a run-down street with few streetlights, carrying a shotgun for protection. He spots the drug dealer from Act One.

DMITRY Hey, come hither, man. I see that thou art poor. Hold, there is 5,000 rubles. Now let me have some Hypnozene so that my wife may be protected in the Church a day from tomorrow.

DRUG DEALER Ohh, you're Mr. Ivanovich, I assume? Anyhow, such a drug I do have, but the rule of the Exorcisms is death to any he that utters them.

DMITRY Art thou so bare and full of wretchedness? The world is not thy friend nor the world's law. The world affords no law to make thee rich. Then be not poor, but break it, and take this.

DRUG DEALER My poverty, but not my will, consents.

DMITRY I pay thy poverty, and not thy will.

DRUG DEALER Put this in any liquid thing you will, distribute it to thy wife, and have her drink it off. May her strength agility be increased and her free will be decreased.

A Crier shows up on a nearby screen.

CRIER Hold it right there.

DRUG DEALER You'll never take me alive!       (Runs away)

CRIER People of UETR, put down those remotes and tablets, because I have a special news bulletin. Tikhon has given me the identities of the freaks who will fight in this year's Sozhaleniye Exorcism, and heeeeeeere they are!

The screen shows the silhouette of a very notable "freak"...

CRIER (V.O.) Our first freak may be a dumb blonde, but lemme tell you, she's a total grenade. A hot tempered Succubus-child who actually murdered His Divinity's lover, give a cold round of boo's to...       (Screen shows this        "freak" in color) RIMA MONTEVSKY!

Dmitry gasps. All over Samarina and the UETR, people scream insults and curses at Rima's image and throw weapons, Bibles, garbage, and even excrement at the screens.

Scene 6

INT. YERSHOV LABOR CAMP - NIGHT

Rima looks out the barred window and reminisces about Julia some more. She recites "If I Could Tell You" by Auden.

RIMA Time will say nothing but I told you so Time only knows the price we have to pay; If I could tell you I would let you know. If we should weep when clowns put on their show, If we should stumble when musicians play, Time will say nothing but I told you so. There are no fortunes to be sold, although, Because I love you more than I can say, If I could tell you I would let you know. The winds must come from somewhere when they blow, There must be reason why the leaves decay; Time will say nothing but I told you so. Perhaps the roses really want to grow, The vision seriously intends to stay; If I could tell you I would let you know. Suppose the lions all get up and go, And the brooks and soldiers run away; Will Time say nothing but I told you so? If I could tell you I would let you know.

Rima starts to cry again, and Borislava comforts her.

The female voice brings bad tidings.

FEMALE VOICE Attention inmates of Building 5, Floor 5: the following prisoners from this floor will compete in this year's Sozhaleniye Exorcism: Katrina Maximsen, Borislava Montevsky, Rima Montevsky. You have 15 minutes till departure from the camp. That is all.

The Rima and Katrina are overcome with emotion, while Borislava is slightly less phased.

BORISLAVA How now, news from Samarina, and it's not explained at all. What the devil is Soldier-Lasagna Day or whatever? It doesn't help that we've been trapped in this dump with no access to the outside world.

KATRINA You don't know about Sozhaleniye? It's the most horrific holiday in all of human history.

RIMA How do you know about it? Do you know why it's so horrific?

KATRINA It's because I was told about it by my two daddies, but they made sure I never watched it. They were so good to me from when they saved me from the streets to when they got executed and I was sent here; I remember that Christmas day when they found me in a dark alley, wearing nothing but rags and having flea-ridden, dreadlocked hair. They didn't blow me off or shoo me like everyone else did. They gave me a good home, the opposite of what Tikhon did for the whole world.       (Sobs and then        continues        talking.) Sorry, I really lost focus there for a while. Anyway, in order for me to get as little exposure to His bloodthirsty regime as possible, but just enough so that I'm not ignorant, they would tell me stories of the Exorcisms, including the ones that happened on Sozhaleniye. These Exorcisms would not have the usual 60 so-called "freaks" fighing in the Church, but they would have from 100 to 500 people fighting in there, including six people who weren't even inmates. The worst thing about it is that some say that the amount of fighters depends on how Tikhon is feeling, and it does NOT take that much to piss him off. Here's the story of the Fifth Sozhaleniye, the one that happened on my birth year. Tikhon's own cousin Peter Capulich was taking an art class at the University of Samarina. One day, the class was painting portraits of Samarina herself, but Peter made a mistake and painted a portrait that made Samarina look like she had--Cajones. Tikhon got so angry about it that he sent the entire class to this camp, and boy, were they a big class of a whopping 1,008 students. He made them all compete in the Exorcism along with 1,008 other inmates and the 6 non-inmates.

RIMA That's 2,022 people.

KATRINA Yes, and 2,021 deaths, for there was only one survivor. They all fought in a giant paintball field filled with traps and enclosed by a bulletproof net.

BORISLAVA       (sarcastic) Ha, ha, ha, a paintball field, just because one of those people painted balls on Samarina. Ugh.

KATRINA It lasted for two hours and thirteen minutes. Bombs burst, bullets zoomed, and friends, brothers, sisters, cousins, and lovers saw each other die. In the end, Peter won, but there was no need to cure him because he was already traumatized beyond belief. now he lives in a mental asylum and is beyond help.

RIMA Wow, your fathers sure knew a whole lot. You must really miss them.

KATRINA I do, but the good news is that all our lives are done for, and we can all meet our loved ones up in heaven.

The bars open for the three women to get out.

RIMA It's time.       (She and Katrina        smile.)

BORISLAVA We who are about to die...       (Raises middle        finger.) ...salute you.

Scene 7

EXT. SAMARINA - MOMENTS LATER

SOZHALENIYE

The sun rises on the day of Sozhaleniye. People flock to the city square to bestow gifts upon the deceased Prophetess. The people bawl in an over-the-top manner just like the North Koreans did when Kim Jong-il died.

In the afternoon, the citizens start buying merchandise for the upcoming Exorcism. This includes t-shirts, posters, beer mugs, action figures, flags, and effigies of the contestants for burning. They also bet on who will win.

INT. THE CHURCH OF CAPULICH GREEN ROOM - NIGHT

Julia sits by herself in the green room, depressed.

Tikhon, disguised as a priest, walks into the room to give Julia the Hypnozene.

TIKHON Ah, you're Julia Ivanovich, I presume? I'm so sorry thou art in this predicament. If there's anything I can do for you, name it, and it shall be done.

JULIA Oh father, I do not think anything can be done now. My lovely wife was banished to Yershov Labor Camp 14 years ago, and now I have to fight her.

TIKHON Take thou this vial, being then in bed, And this distilled potion drink thou off; When presently through all thy veins shall run A cold and drowsy humour, for no pulse Shall keep his native progress, but surcease: No warmth, no breath, shall testify thou livest; And in this borrow'd likeness of shrunk death Thou shalt continue two and forty hours, And then awake as from a pleasant sleep. In the mean time, against thou shalt awake, Shall Rima by my message know our drift. She shall disguise herself as you, an armed Apprentice, she shall win, And hither shall she come: and she and I Will watch thy waking, and that very night Shall Rima bear thee hence to a hiding place And this shall free thee from this present shame; If no inconstant toy, nor womanish fear, Abate thy valour in the acting it.

JULIA Give me, give me! O, tell not me of fear.

TIKHON Drink it off now.

Julia drinks the potion and falls into a strong high. Tikhon removes the disguise and smirks.

Scene 8

EXT. THE CHURCH OF CAPULICH - NIGHT

It is about time for the heathens to fight, and the crowd is going crazy with excitement. Epic, dramatic music plays to get them even more pumped up. The pit is filled with craggy, black lava rocks like the crater of a volcano.

Once again, Tikhon, the Montoyas, and the Ivanoviches are in the same luxurious box.

Tikhon, with a vengeful demeanor, speaks into a mic and tries to quiet the spectators down.

TIKHON Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?       (Everyone quiets        down.) Welcome to the 14th Sozhaleniye Exorcism. After a long day of mourning over the loss of my wife, t'is the time to celebrate. 100 freaks have been selected from the Camp to fight in the Church this year, and this year's group is quite special because 2 of the 5 people involved in the unholy wedding that killed Samarina are in tonight's grouping of freaks. Ahem; Demons, Heathens, Wretched Scourge, show yourselves to us, I urge.

All 100 inmates, including Rima, Borislava, and Katrina, march into the pit.

TIKHON Freaks, for the fourteenth time, things will be different. There will be no survivors among you, but instead, six civilians, trained in the ways of the Apostles, will slaughter you in front of this large crowd. These civilians are known as the Apprentices And here they are!

All six Apprentices come out into the pit, in a Star of David formation. They are dressed like modern versions of medieval knights, wearing gilded titanium chain maille, matching cat masks, and riding black race horses in silver maille. The Apprentices each wield a golden gauntlet, both with an attached 1m-long blade on the outer part of each hand. Julia and her horse, both hopped up on Hypnozene and eager to kill, diverge from the group, leaving only 5 Apprentices united.

TIKHON Looks like we have ourselves an eager beaver, so let's skip the pledge, and let's play a little game of "The Floor Is Now Lava."

A hole in the middle of the pit shoots lava high into the sky, and it rains down on some fighters and kills them instantly. Gradually, the floor starts turning into lava as the Exorcism goes on. It appears that the Apprentices are winning until Borislava unhorses young Suong Ha and pushes her into the lava. Borislava, Rima, and Katrina mount the horse and try to kill Apprentices while avoiding death in the process.

More people and horses die either by murder or by falling into the lava until only 5 people remain. These five are Rima, Borislava, Katrina, Sonya, and Julia.

Also, the only land that is not covered in lava is an island in the middle of the pit with that hole in the middle, and a crater just in front of Tikhon's box.

Julia and Borislava take each other on while Sonya attempts to kill Rima and Katrina. It starts out as a fair and even fight until Sonya starts to overpower her opponents. Borislava, distracted by this, uses some cheap shots to kill Sonya by breaking her neck and leaving her body on land.

This turns out to be a big mistake as Julia, still high, sneaks up on Borislava and stabs her in the back.

Rima and Katrina, phased by what they just witnessed take a short moment to mourn. Rima reluctantly takes Sonya's gauntlet blades and starts to fight Julia, not knowing nor caring who is behind the mask. Katrina stands off to the side and cheers her mother figure on. Tikhon sits comfortably in his box and smiles with satisfaction over the epic duel taking place. The others in this box just put on their poker faces.

Rima finally wins the duel by skewering Julia's neck.

RIMA       (Giggling crazily.) Yes, yes, YES! Take that, you monster. You have some nerve just killing people just because they're different and because they've been in prison, without any care of what they are going through or what their relationships are. You're just as bad as Tikhon...

TIKHON You know, Katrina, now that the Apprentices are all deceased, you have to kill Rima in order for the Exorcism to end.

Katrina refuses.

RIMA Nay, you just might be worse. At least Tikhon actually shows his face! So, foul stranger, as an additional punishment for your senselessly barbaric ways, I'm going to dishonor your countenance by showing it to the world, so that everyone will be able to look into the windows to your cold, black soul.

Just before Rima does what she intends to, a tropical storm rolls in and starts raining in the Church and cooling the lava down to solid rock. Rima unmasks the Apprentice, revealing a face that she has been wanting to see ever since her imprisonment: Julia's face. Rima, speechless and breathless, drops the mask to the floor, and immediately starts throwing a crying fit while embracing her lover's corpse.

Dmitry holds his children tightly, crying as well. An elderly Lord and Lady Capulich, sitting in the general audience, also embrace each other and rethink their beliefs in their nephew's philosophy and worldview. Two other elderly couples, Borislava's and Rima's parents go to console and bond with the Capuliches.

TIKHON       (Sigh.) What an emotional turn of events now, folks. But like I said, no Apprentices means only one survivor. So who's gonna die: the kid or the assassin?

RIMA If this were a perfect world, neither of us. In fact, in a perfect world, these games wouldn't be happening. Yershov Labor Camp, the UETR, and Sozhaleniye all would not exist. People would be free to live their own lives and make their own choices without being controlled by their government. They would be free to marry whoever they loved, whether it be someone of the opposite sex or of the same sex. But that's not how it is now. Look at this entire world, people. We live in a world where if you have a certain love that one man does not tolerate, you're destined to either die or be lobotomized. That's NOT how it should be, not just according to us humans, but according to God and Jesus as well. He created us to love one another and find our other half, whether it is in the form of someone of your opposite or same gender. He created some people whose genders didn't match their bodies to test their faith in Him, not so they could be gladiators. People of the world, whether you agree with me or not, you must know that gay love is still what it is: love. And love is meant to be free and true, but this dictator tries to imprison it everyday. So will you help me and the other Yershovians set it free?!       (Pause) Gay is the way! Gay is the way!

KATRINA Gay is the way! Gay is the way!

MONTEVSKY Gay is the way.

MRS. MONTEVSKY Gay is the way!

The entire audience in the Church starts chanting the chant.

CAPULICH Gay is the way!

LADY CAPULICH Gay is the way!

DMITRY Gay is the way!

Even the people in Tikhon's box start chanting. All except for Tikhon.

TIKHON Silence!       (Pause) Never in all of human history has there been such a treasonous demonstration of this magnitude. Apostles, I demand all of you to send every single audience member into the pit. Quickly, before all the lava cools down. What are you waiting for? The Son of God commands you all.       (Another pause.) SEND THEM ALL DOWN TO FIGHT OR DMITRY'S FAMILY DIES!

Tikhon takes out his AK-47 and shoots Dmitry, Cloud, Locke, and even baby Selphie to death. Tikhon wastes all the bullets. Juanito wrestles Tikhon to the ground and picks him up.

JUANITO Son of God, you call yourself? Let's see you walk on water then.

Juanito throws Tikhon out of the box and into a crater in the pit. Despite it being quite a long fall, Tikhon survives, but only because his fall was broken by a jagged rock. On the rock, Tikhon's feet break in such a way that the front 5 cm of both feet splits in half

TIKHON You. Prophet Montoya, you're no Prophet of mine. You're just a Judas. Judas!

JUANITO Don't ever call me Judas, and don't ever call me Prophet. My name is Juanito Montoya. You killed my son. Prepare to die. Apostles, hear my command. If you know you can throw your spear without hitting any audience members, then I want you to throw it at "His Divinity" right now.

All Apostles throw their spears into the pit. Tikhon grits his teeth and accepts that he is about to die until all the spears miss him.

JUANITO Are you all for real?

APOSTLE Sorry, Your Divinity, but the Movie Bible prohibits all evil henchmen from having good aim.

Tikhon starts to laugh like a maniac.

He limps over to the former island in the middle, now with only some lava puddles and the hole still remaining.

TIKHON So I'm not the Son of God, eh; Then why did I survive the fall? Why did all the spears miss me? Why have I literally taken over the world? That's right. You have no answer because you all know I'm right and you're wrong. You all have committed treason tonight, but I know I still have some followers outside the Church. With their help, I will kill all of you, starting--with--Rima.

Tikhon takes Julia's body by her hands and severs them by cremating her body in the lava. Rima, angered and sickened by this, runs after Tikhon and has an epic swordfight with him. They gradually make their way to the hole in the middle as they fight. Tikhon seems to be winning since Rima's wounds, including a stab in each wrist and each foot, are causing too much blood loss.

Rima falls down on her knees, and Tikhon drops Julia's hands and gloats.

TIKHON Have fear, Succubus-child, for the Messiah hath passed Judgment upon thee.

Katrina picks up one of Julia's hands and stabs Tikhon in the side. Rima uses her last ounce of life to stand up and talk to Tikhon.

RIMA You're no Messiah. You're nothing more than a bloodthirsty tyrant. Now taste the fires of hell.

Rima strikes Tikhon in the chest, causing him to fall into the hole and burn to death. She then falls flat on her back with her arms stretched out to each side, her hands limp, and her legs straight.

JUANITO Katrina Maximsen is the victor of tonight's Exorcism, and may this be the very last one.

Everyone around the world and in the Church takes a moment of silence for all of Tikhon's victims, and for Rima, the woman who saved the world just as the True Messiah, not the Fake one, did.

Scene 9

EXT. THE CITY SQUARE OF SAMARINA - MOMENTS LATER

CLOSE TO MIDNIGHT

In the middle of the city square, Rima's and Borislava's bodies, as well as Julia's remains, are put on display for everyone to mourn. Everyone holds a candle, lays a bouquet of flowers at Rima's side, and watch multiple cranes with wrecking balls make their way to the Church of Capulich and fleets of choppers carrying the first freed Yershov inmates back home. Katrina says a eulogy into a microphone.

KATRINA A glooming peace this morning with it brings; The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head: Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things; Some shall be pardon'd, and some punished: For never was a story of such tears of man Than this of Julia and Rima, two heroic lesbians.

As the credits roll, we see the world becoming a better place. All the countries have gone back to being independent for the most part, the Capital of Russia has not changed its place, but it has changed its name to St. Rima. The stone tablets and Samarina statue have been torn down and replaced with a statue of Rima and Julia holding hands. The offensive stage in the square has been replaced with a beautiful slab of white marble engraved with carvings of a straight couple, a gay couple, and a lesbian couple surrounded by roses.

FADE OUT.

Author's Note

This is a very long writing, I know, but it's worth a good read as well as a constructive critique.