Denial (the first poem of a frustrated friend)

This is the first poem (outside of random required stuff in high school English classes) I have ever written. I am now a Junior in college and this is inspired by a true story. Any constructive criticism would be appreciate it. If people think it is good, I plan on sending this to the girl it is written for. Also, sorry for the swearing, it was the only way I could think to express myself at the time I wrote this. Thanks for reading!

Denial

I’m not jealous, I don’t care
When I see you standing there.
His fingers through your tangled hair.
So why does my heart despair?

We’ll never be more than good friends.
You’ve been crystal clear, that’s where this ends.
Repaired the bond, we’ve made amends,
But every time you smile it sends

A shiver running down my spine.
An electric jolt shoots through my mind.
No stop that! I am just fine
With this friendship, yours and mine.

Now I am free to pursue
Other girls, start something new.
Forget my thoughts which yearn for you
Because that wish just won’t come true.

And I hope you find your shining knight.
Your perfect guy all dressed in white.
I know you don’t think that we were right,
But don’t worry for me, I’ll be al…


F**K!


I’m not alright, I’m not ok.
I can’t just forget you in a day.
There are no words that I can say
To express my pain when you pulled away.

Why can’t best friends be something more?
I’m not ugly, I’m not poor
And we’re alike down to the very core.
Think how happy we were before.

You say you do not want to lose me.
A relationship is far too risky.
But you’re missing out on what could be
A chance to be completely happy.

You shut me down, told me no
But now you can’t just let me go
And forgetting you would kill me so
To continue on, you need to know.

To me you’ll always mean the world
You’ll never be just another girl.
So I’ll back down, pretend I’m through
But after all this time, I still want you!

Reviews

[Kent Smotherman]

I admire the raw emotion you expose in this piece. For me the rhyming of every line in a stanza is out of place in a poem of this mood - I enjoy it in lighter poetry, but here it just seems contrary to the feel of the piece. There is also no consistent meter, which is not an issue to me for non-rhyming poetry - but in the rhyming format, meter is important. Lastly, having the last stanza not rhyme in the same manner as the rest of the poem I found to be distracting.

With all the above aside, I still enjoyed the story you told and how you told it. It is no easy task to put such emotion into words.

[novice]

Thank you so much for your feedback. I definitely agree that the last stanza is distracting. That was the first stanza I wrote and I liked it so much as it was that I couldn't bring myself to change it when the poem began to evolve into a different rhyming scheme.