The small little things

​She didn't know what his favorite song was. She didn't know what his favorite color was. But she knew he hated coffee and drank tea instead, she knew he'd workout at home if he had no money for gym, she knew how he liked his cereal, she knew things nobody would. Yet she felt guilt that she didn't know the shallow things before he was gone. She felt pain because she didn't ask him about things like that. But she was satisfied that she knew his ambitions and dreams. She was satisfied because she knew he died happy, yet she was devastated because she was not with him. She wishes that soon enough she'll die young too and meet him there. In the void they travel to. In the hereafter. She hopes to meet him somewhere between reality and all they've ever dreamed. She hopes they find peace together. She knows she won't fall in love ever again. She was his last and so will he be. He is the love of her life and they were not separated by a fight or a person or parents or society or accusations they were separated by a force greater than she ever was, greater than she'll ever be. So now she gets reminded of his words, he used to say "till death do us part" and "you may not be my first but I promise you'll be my last" and he kept his promise and so, she can never fully move on. She will wear a smile on her face and she will laugh with her friends but she will always feel pain. She will look around and not find him, she'll say hi to his friends without hugging or kissing him, but he will always be there with her, she believes he's looking after her from up there, she hopes he is, that hope gets her through night when she can't sleep and it makes her stare and not talk to the moon, it makes her feel not think and it makes her fearless of nothing, because if she wishes to die then she can't fear nothing else, she can only fear suffering, but she already is, so she wouldn't mind physical pain, she wouldn't mind her skin scratched off, her face burnt, or even her virginity stolen by force, she won't fight physical pain, she's already in war with her thoughts. So some may think heartbreak is the worst. But there was something bigger than that. She does not suffer heartbreak, she suffers heartache.

Reviews

[Echoes of Eros]

Such a bittersweet, tender flow of loving. And how beautifully profound, that yes, it's the small things that make up our world, that inspire the depths of us, fragment by fragment. Your aching heart sings the saddest melancholy tune as these words find their freedom from your poet's soul. xo

[Nourhane]

Thank you so much, I hope though, that my words are not depressing, i just hope they reach the heart and soul. xo.

[Echoes of Eros]

Precious poet, your words are always something more. And even sorrow can be a most beautiful thing when it heals and enlightens. xo

[Nourhane]

Thank you, I guess so, yes. Thank you again. xo.

[Carolynn]

This so heartbreaking to read Nourhane - I know someone who lost her husband and suffers with this same heartache. I wrote a poem and uploaded it here called Cardiograph - part 1. Maybe you would be sweet enough to take a peak at it - your words are what I was trying to convey in my very short poem. If this is your heartache you are writing about I wish you much healing :)

[Nourhane]

I don't mean for my words to be heartbreaking, I wish she heals, or at least a will to heal, thank toy for your kind words, and of course, I'd love to check your work out. xo.

[jesserose99]

This is moving to me...she obviously is deeply pained by the loss of her one true love in life. The last line is amazing because there is a difference a big difference I think between heartbreak and ache...one is temporary, one is not.

[Nourhane]

thank you so much, i'm glad the idea and difference between the break and ache got to you!! Thanks again