the remainings of your name

this poems is so dear to my heart as I wrote it while recovering from a bad break up ©

nostalgic to a future that could've been
a future lost in the past that I've seen
happy moments, although I've never lived them
still haunt me in my sleep
and in the black hole of my consciousness
I feel like I'm falling deep
illusion and reality slowly merge into one
looking for answers, ignoring the questions
morning my old self as I look to the stranger I've become
the trap of insanity took a hold of me
and I can't help but blame you
for you used to mess with my head constantly
your harsh words echo in my ears
in faint whispers
then turn into screams
and I tried to run away
but you brought me back in chains
chains made from the sweet things you'd say
believing it's different this time
but clearly, obviously it's not
so here in my poem, I rhyme
acknowledging that it is indeed my fault
I opened myself to you
let you creep in as you please
and you spread in my heart so fast
just like a deadly disease
and although it didn't kill me
it didn't make me any stronger
but it kept me up at nights wondering
is there really something more
for I can't take it any longer
is life really worth it if everything reminds me of you
and with every memory a bit of my reason
disappears like you always do
but one day I'll wake up
totally unaware, completely insane
and I may finally erase
the remainings of your name.