Events

Nothing is going right in her life.

Ever since I was little I felt like something was missing from my life. My mother was always away and when she did come home she usually yelled at us to clean up our toys in the yard and tell the neighbor kids to go home. So we did as we were told. Once inside we had many things to do. Dishes, laundry, clean up the kitchen table, so on and so forth. My mother only said " I love you" at night when we went to bed. Yes my siblings and I were very thankful for my mothers hard work. But as kids you need lots of love and affection. My mom had a boyfriend since I was born. He was in my eyes my father figure. I loved him. He loved me back. My moms boyfriend usually came home before my mom so he would come out and play with us. One time on my birthday he bought me a new bike and gave me hug. That's when this was going to be forever. Soon they got married after nine years of dating. (yes nine years. took forever for my mom to say yes.) After the second year of them being married fights broke out all the time. They always were fighting about something. Didn't matter what it was about they always turned it into a screaming match. Of course my dad tried to keep things calm until my mom tired to say nasty things about him or the family. You see my dad's family was my family. I didn't know my moms. So it just felt natural to defend his instead of my blood family. Soon I knew before they even told me that they were getting a divorce. My mom began to sleep in the spare room. They didn't look at each other in the mornings. They would come home at late hours of the night. It was horrible. When the day came when they sat me down and told me about their divorcee I cried till I couldn't breath. I told them they couldn't because this was just a bump in the road. They just started life together. I was only twelve but I knew love is a very important thing. So after a long cry all of us and three door slams we went to our rooms to think about the future. Later in that week they said they will try marriage counseling. Everything worked out. When I entered middle school I had trouble fitting in. I saw this boy and I had a huge crush on him for four years. We finally dated freshmen year. I was made fun of called a s**t and shoved into lockers . I was so upset with my life. Only one person stood by my side and that was him. Freshmen year was probably my worst year. I became suicidal and everything started going down hill. Soon my boyfriend dumped me. We were three days from our one year. Since then I have been a wreck. He filled that hole in my chest. He made me feel beautiful. He made me think we would be together forever. Unfortunately this wasn't a high school sweet heart thing. It was a typical break up. A normal thing. So now I sit here and think how could I be part of the typical numbers for high school break ups? How could this happen? Now I'm alone telling you my heart break. Drinking my tea in the gloomy afternoon. All I have is my music and god. But no more of my lost love. Young love is a murder scene in the end. This seems to be the end of me. I can't seem to get a grasp on this situation. I want to become cold and alone again. The boy keeps coming back telling me I still cross his mind a thousand times a day. And I am still his dream girl. He just loves pot to much. He loves to party to much. He loves the feeling of being single. But he doesn't want to let go of me. Neither do I. Neither do I....