June

For Carl.

i dont speak.

and I am too tired to smile

a frown permanently stuck on my face.

i can feel your beating heart

because my own

beats the same.

my eyes feel heavy

and i struggle to keep them open

as i sit and stare at the wall

unable to stare at you.

i wish i could speak.

i wish i could never say anything at all.

i want to help you

but i dont think i can -

i dont think you want me there to help.

i want to hold you

but who would want to be held by me?

i want to whisper that it will be all right

but it wont

and my breath is too cold against your neck.

so i sit

and i stare

and i hurt

and i drown

in my tears and blood

as i wait

and watch

and wish.

i die.