Cycle eclipse.

Be careful, don't let his mouth stutter.
He speaks with a Gatling gun, hair trigger.
Be accurate, and immaculate.
Cross hair on your for head.

For you trespass dear, you do not belong here.
In the mine field, where the blind feel.
The earthquake.

Beneath our feet, the grave keeper sleeps.
He views you as you view him, disgusting within.
Inaccurate, and insensitive.
To the intensity of this scenery, gunning me down.

For don't you trespass dear.
You do not belong here.
In the mine field, where the blind feel.
The earthquake.

That shakes and disturbs the suburbs.
A violent upheaval of the family values.
That shakes and enrages the others.
The spectators to the empty art room.

That watch the earth quake, from the artificial color.
Where the unwilling don't belong.
So they slave on chanting the same song.
In the mine field, where the blind feel the earthquake.

Predestined to become the pinnacle.
The children's riddles, spew and contort.
The messages reflective shell, and ugly hell.
To bear the black heavy air, of uniformity.

Reviews

[Steffi]

Such a vivid and detailed piece. I loved your imagery and the repetition of the mine field where the blind feel was a wonderful extension that really worked well in this piece.
Great write

[Brett Campaigne]

This is a formidable poem... the repetitive line 'In the mine field, where the blind feel the earthquake' is heartstopping in its force. My only problem is that your four line stanzas might be unnecessary for the free flow style of your narrative, like you set out to write in that structure, but the poem wanst to have more freeplay... Just check the transition between the third and second last stanza, there seems to be an awkward pause between what seems to be a full train of thought. However, this was the best poem i've read yet today, full of monumental metaphors.

[Cassandra]

Oh my god this is so vivid and powerful. This is the second poem of yours that has left me ... two stanzas in going "wow this is some really great writing" I just love how you put the words together. Another haunting write. I see a battlefield when I read this. I see soldiers that are ill-equipped to be there. I see blood.

I also get a feeling this might be about religion, and the oppression caused by the pressing omnipotence "God" has over many people. I really enjoy the last stanza "predestined to become the pinnacle the children's riddles spew and consort... of uniformity. This I think is one of the stanzas that made me think of religion..more specifically Catholicism.

Anyways I thought it a strong write and really enjoyed it.

[Gary H]

This is a really good piece of work, great imagery and wonderful use of language. There seems to be a feeling of continuous war going on here, whether this is a reflection on the lives that fail to survive planet earth or a personal innner torment, I'm not too sure.

As a suggestion, I would revisit this poem in six months time and view it as a reader. I'm wondering if you would be tempted to edit to make certain parts sound different......

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Very deep, with raw emotion. Wonderfully written.