a night prayer

Why do I always end up lost in thoughts?

Why do I feel all alone at the end of the day when god gave me more than what I deserve?

I am thankful. god,  I am truly thankful. Yet I can't battle this emptiness, I'm so consumed, my soul is weary with this dark sorrow that I have no control over.

It consume me during the day and shadow me at night.  I envy the dead for they are closer to you, yet I'm frightened to depart this life while my sins won't allow me be near you.

I pray for you may strengthen me with power through your Spirit in my inner being. I beg you for mercy upon my soul for no one else can grant me this wish, no one is greater, no one is more kind.

I pray you, allow me to persist  this life with grace, and die with your well at your command. guide me to what's best for me, and enlighten me through the path I shall take. For I am just a slave, and without you, I shall see no light.