I Used To

I used to think that I loved you, that I was in love with you. I used to wish with all my heart that you would one day wake up and look at me in this brand new way that made you realize I was the one you wanted to be with. I used to look forward to every time I would see you and treasure every moment we shared. I used to think I was in love with you.

And then you became this shriveling cowardice shell of a person who couldn’t act, speak, or think on his own. You ignored all of those who cared for you and who you used to care for.

You let go of everything.

You let go of me.

You let go of everything and everyone for Her.

I used to know you very well. At least, I think I did. You start to blink quickly when you get nervous. I have never seen you sit up straight once. You always chose hot chocolate over coffee or tea. You don’t like confrontation, but still fight for what you believe in. You draw the worst stick figures in the world. Your favorite movies are all musicals. You throw best with your left hand even though you are right handed. When you take an interest in a cause, you see it through to the end. You claim to do your best thinking at night in spite of the fact that you are always the most awake in our morning classes. You believe in ghosts and the afterlife but are not religious. You don’t read for pleasure, only for school. And you care deeply about your friends, or used to.

I’m not sure if any of those things are still true about you. I barely know you any more.

I hope that somewhere inside of that broken person She had shaped you into there is still some of the old you left over. A remnant of the boy I once thought I loved.

I say “thought” because the person you are now makes me doubt everything I used to think I knew or felt.

The person you are now scares me with his hollow eyes and depleted spirit. His shadow is dark and haunting. He is now nothing but Hers.

The person you are now makes me hope that I never loved you. But the person I remember you being makes me hope that I did.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I do understand this poem.
"The person you are now makes me hope that I never loved you. But the person I remember you being makes me hope that I did"
The above lines are true. Even in heart-break. Some hope is left. Two side to all things. including love. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[mae23]

Thank you those are my favorite lines of the piece!

[Coyote Poetry]

You did well and you are welcome.

[Serendipity Planet]

when you are in love , you don't see clear , sometimes you need to wait and learn if that was real or not