Wrestling with God

This poem is dedicated to those who take neither the Divine Mystery nor its absence for granted.

For almost half a century

I have wrestled with God'

Our unseen match is daily,

in my bed before I fall sleep,

at the table after a meal,

sometimes while driving

along a lonely and desolate road.

I try to pin Him,

to keep Him in one place,

to hold Him just long enough

to see, know, understand....

Sometimes I think I almost have him,

but no, He always, always slips away.

Of course it is not a fair match--

my little brain that can hold but

one lonely thought at a time,

my hands, once powerful,

now arthritic, crooked fingers

still willing to grasp at divinity...

but even when young and strong

I could not hold Him--still,

we wrestle, God and me, and

sometimes I suspect He wants me

to win, but mostly, no: I know

I'll never pin Him down--

not in this life, not in this world,

yet He lets me try.

I think He likes it when I try.

Reviews

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

I relate to this premise of, how well we are able to understand and feel him. I agree that we are limited to a small window of (NOW), with so many things seeking our attention. God's Grace drew me to him at a young age and my child/self accepted salvation. Much of my life was spent being the prodigal son, self absorbed, resistant, uncaring. Although looking back, countless times He did intervene when my actions would have brought disaster. Could not see it then.
I believe this is the whole idea of free will.
God could have created us to love him without any choice. There are multitudes of entities like that already in the heavenlies. He created us to be above the angels, according to His Word. To share eternity with a loving, personal, close, relationship by our choice.
Think on friendship. Famous people have multitudes of people adoring them. But they don't feel loved by them. Throughout our existence on Earth we encounter many friends, but how many are true. How many would we die for? The majority of suicides arise from the perception of lack of love, even when they are loved the do not feel the closeness.
God wants children/friends who want to love Him. Isn't that the point? We are unable to live up to His standards of PERFECT, but we want to. We can't be like him, or see him,or feel him, but we want to.
I remember reading in the bible as a child. Much of it evaporated immediately, though a few important concepts stuck with me. "Go into your closet and talk to me in private," he said. The closet is our private space in our head. He is ever there, waiting to listen."I will never leave you or forsake you," he said. "Ask and it shall be done,"he said. This is all about prayer. It is conversation, though we don't hear him. Instead of talking, he acts on that which he would say, instead. Isn't that better? "No prayer comes back void," he said.
We are able to; be willing, to include him in our thoughts and daily lives. He knows what a mess we are and loves us still. He has every good intent for us. It is a gift born of love and we are able to; accept it, though we have not earned it.
Please excuse me for being forward. You know these things. Share them, when prompted.
In Christ---VDP.

[Nolo Segundo]

Amen...lately, I've become more aware that God--the Holy Spirit, call it what you will, is everywhere in this world, in the Universe-- and our souls are 'swimming' within this Great Soul--but our egos fool us into thinking we are alone, isolated. Thank you for sharing your heart-- and soul.

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

He said, "Don't keep your light under a bushel." We are not all preachers. However, We all are able; to allow the Holy Spirit to use our voice, share our experiences of God's undeserved kindness, gently lift troubled souls by way of compassion, and speak positivity into bad situations. Give the glory to God, this is how we rise above our ego.

[Rindou]

I cannot put into words the way this poem made me feel. I understand the struggle to keep grasp and faith and hold him close. I myself have struggled back and forth with faith in my 22 years. And I love how you express yourself through each line. Each line a feeling. Amazing

[Nolo Segundo]

I've never had a more meaningful review-- true faith, a real faith as opposed to dogma--be it of religion or atheism [which is really a kind of religion] is never easy because God is not 'easy'--if He were, we would take Him for granted, because WE are not easy. It is a struggle we must have,for it is our nature never to value that which comes easily, including and maybe especially love.

[Rindou]

Im grateful to have discovered your writing. As well as your point of view. I will be sure to read some more of your writing!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is marvelous to me...i am one who was raised Catholic, but no longer practices organized religion for various reasons...but have spent my whole life trying to understand...grasp, fathom the idea of a supreme being and why certain things happen or don't happen...and what his real intentions are with the world, with me.
a mystery that he will not give away...but one i am sure he enjoys having us try to solve...
maybe this will be a case where effort pays off in the end, whatever that is.
j.

[Nolo Segundo]

Well, I was raised Episcopalian (which is like Catholic Lite) but became an agnostic in my teens. In my mid-20's I had an NDE whilst drowning, so I know His power--and grace- firsthand. No j. God is not easy-- but then neither are we. If He were, we would take Him for granted, and spoiled children are as damaged as abused children. So sooner or later it seems life is hard for everyone-- all I can attest to is that when I've been really desperate, Something--let's call it God-- has been there for me--I pray He always will.

[Lanny]

Such a powerful reflective poem on the everlasting struggle to know or not know of the divine. Success in life is something we spar with, something we are constantly in training to try to achieve as, depending on circumstances, the bar may be constantly rising, ever-changing, shifting its feet to duck and dodge. To me, success doesn't seem to be a destination . . . . So too success with the divine, as life constantly changes, as adversity rises, as conflicts ensue, the struggle to pin Him while wrestling Him seems ever elusive, at least, that's how I see your thoughts in your wonderful poem.

All the best,

Lanny

[Nolo Segundo]

Thank you Lanny for a very thoughtful review. I know I will never pin God down, but I am happy as long as He lets me try: it is in the seeking that we become.

[Onlyme]

Oh, I can really relate to this factual poem. As I myself have felt this same way. Articulate, thoughtful, expressive, deep and insightful. No malice or hate. Just truth and openness and honesty.

[Nolo Segundo]

Thank you Dawn.

[angel]

I think He LOVES it when you try. I think He COUNTS on it. Keep on trying to understand Him. He will let you chase Him, my dear one, till he has you caught, and then--oh, dear God, and then--you will understand.
If there are any particular questions you may have, please ask me, and I will do my best to help you understand. I pray(and I KNOW He hears me)that you will attain the peace which surpasses all understanding. You too, Julie! I see you there! I think that you, like an old friend I once had, really WANT to believe, and that is half the battle.

[Nolo Segundo]

Thank you angel, i so believe He does want us to reach out for Him.

[Chris Shaw]

I think many of us nowadays wrestle with organised religion. Not so when I was young, but as I have grown in years, so that relationship has become more and more distant. I would like there to be a light bulb moment, but sadly that is unlikely. Many will relate to these lines. A nicely composed poem.

Chris

[Nolo Segundo]

Yes, I understand-- religions, including that of atheism, are relatively easy: all you have to do is accept its dogma and follow its rules. But seeking God is hard, takes a lifetime of effort, and we're never really sure we've got 'there'. Yet I have had--rarely, oh so rarely-- those 'light bulb moments' you speak of. Of course, I had to go thru hell before I realized how vital it was to struggle towards the light-- no, Christine, God is not easy, but then neither are we humans.

[Tate Morgan]

I love it this one speaks to me. I have wrestled with this question almost every day of my life for 59 years and I still do

[Nolo Segundo]

Well, Tate, I've come to realize that's the difference between faith and dogma (be it religious or atheist): the former flies through the air like a bird, though buffeted by winds from time to time; the latter is set in stone, lifeless. In other words, faith takes courage, and even a kind of love, while dogmatic thinking requires only stupidity.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

wow this is so true to me too
one minute I feel close to him the next I feel ive run away ignored him
I want more stability with Him but cant seem to find it
I know a lot ofo this is my fault as Im selfish and self centred esp when I write
all the time I write I could be spending more time with hth Him or thinking of Him instead I selfishly write
thanks for your poem good one

[Nolo Segundo]

Well, I think writing IS one way of seeking God, the divine, eternity, Nirvana, call it what you will. I mean, don't you find that the words, especially the best words, the stuff with meaning, come TO you rather than being something you' make'? I spent over 30 years without writing anything-- in part because my ego wanted 'greatness'; when I finally realized what was important was the thing itself, be it poem, story or novel, then the poems started coming to me-- perhaps out of my unconscious,perhaps from my soul.