A Deadly Secret.

I'm keeping a secret from you.

It's tearing our friendship apart.

Tearing us apart.

Tearing me apart.

My destiny is ripping me to shreds.

Visciously tearing the skin off my skeleton.

Telling you, would leave me vulnerable to you.

How can I leave myself vulnerable to someone that opposes my destiny?

It's calling for me; and I've only picked up the phone.

Fear and Confusion have stopped me from answering.

You've stopped me from answering.

I've stopped me from answering.

My destiny has been calling me for years.

It used to just be a light, soft, whisper,

But now it ECHOES bodly through my entire body.

Hard to control.

Hard to understand.

Sounds like jibberish to you,

and that's why I will never let you in.

Your mind can't take it.

Can't comprehend it.

Can't accept it.

SO, instead of fighting an endless fight with judgement,

I will leave you in an eternal darkness,

To die clueless.

Clueless of who I am,

of What I am....

Author's Note

GIVE ME HONESTY!.

Reviews

[Disa Sig]

I like this poem. It has a strong message in it, and I understand exactly what is going on, but still it leaves the mystery of what your secret is. However, I can't help but wonder if you could have put the words in different orders so it will be more fluent. But maybe that's not what you were going for, I don't know.

But I do like it, and it has great, great, potential but like every poem, it really just comes down to personal taste.

-igabod

[Lyrical Love]

Wow!
Again I have had the pleasure of a another
incredible write.
Kudos!!

[raining]

Who is this who has to fight himself for answers. Cannot face his friend, the soft whisper turns bolder, louder?
A lot of darkness in this poem. "eternal darkness" as a metaphor rather than as description. Though for you as a writer the challenge is to bring the poem to the point where the reader believes in the act of the poems narrator enough so that the words of the poem makes the reader believe in that darkness.
I didn't feel that "of what I am..." is necessary since the previous line made this line redundant.

Don't be afraid of doing some demolition work, pull some of the lines in this poem since there is a repeating of some of the ideas. Remember that the reader is very intelligent and so you can hint about something rather than outright telling him. I like the transitions from intimations about your friendship, then to actions such as the phone call, and finally you bring it to a good poetic conclusion in telling how you will leave this person in "eternal darkness". The whole poem hinges on the words and revelations at the end of a poem. You should keep going with your writing. Remember that we all as writers have to be true too our sincerity, and the true motives that are in us. If you write five lines on a table napkin in a restaurant, and it is what you really are believing at that moment then that is always a great poem.

I sound a bit pompous. good heavens. ....but i will leave this. You should definately keep writing.

[KumaThree]

You did a great job with this one. I could almost picture the room and the phone while reading this you really created a great tone and awesome imagery with this.

Good job

[The Devil's Own B***h]

This has such a great feel to it. Such a great flow. Such a sense of despair. I agree with Spoken, the way you've left the secret untold leaves the mind to drift and try to find out for itself what the secret could possibly be. Intruguing and enjoyable!!!

Great job!!!!

[Spoken]

I like how you never really answered exactly what your secret is... leaves the mind to wander. I read the whole thing as a deep toned whisper... strong yet soft and vulnerable. So it has great flow and feel.

Sounds like jibberish to you,

and that's why I will never let you in.

Your mind can't take it.

Can't comprehend it.

Can't accept it.

SO, instead of fighting an endless fight with judgement,

I will leave you in an eternal darkness,

To die clueless.

Clueless of who I am,

of What I am....


my favorite lines. Great write.

[Rachel DeHart]

"I've stopped me from answering.
My destiny has been calling me for years.
It used to just be a light, soft, whisper,
But now it ECHOES bodly through my entire body.
Hard to control.
Hard to understand."

These lines are amazing..

Wonderful read.

[unspokenguilt]

So your unsure of yourself because of the secret, too scared to reveal the secret, too scared of how your friend will react, but still ruining the friendship and most importantly yourself by keeping it at the same time.

I know how that feels. Some things you feel you could never say, but then if it comes out and it wasn't from your mouth...it's betrayel

I liked it! It's most definitely something many people can relate to and you've captured the trail of thought quite well.

[A LaDy NaMeD D]

I liked how you never revel the secret or hint at what it could be. All the reader knows is that it's something bad, that your friend and possibly everyone who knows you might not be able to handle or comphrend.

"My destiny is ripping me to shreds.

Visciously tearing the skin off my skeleton.

Telling you, would leave me vulnerable to you.

How can I leave myself vulnerable to someone that opposes my destiny?"

I like that line because you don't excatly know your destiny but you do know your friend opposes it, which also has an affect on you not telling her. Also i like the way you worded it...your destiny is ripping you to shreds. Those are very powerful lines. I also liked how you said it's calling for you but you haven't answered because of fear and confusion, also your friend and your self.

"Your mind can't take it.

Can't comprehend it.

Can't accept it.

SO, instead of fighting an endless fight with judgement,

I will leave you in an eternal darkness,

To die clueless.

Clueless of who I am,

of What I am...."

These lines made me think also, because while it appears that your looking out in the best intrest of your friend. You're also trying to keep yourself clueless, because not even you know at this time. It was a good write!