Stop for a while

O dear, stop for a while
Swim to the shore of that dreary Nile
You still have to trek a mile !

Before they bore you bare-faced on the bier
Before your carcass get lit up on a pyre

O dear , stop for a while
Wait a bit , rest for a while
You still have to trek a mile .

Before your skin turns out pale
Before your soul ought to be frail
Don't asunder yourself
Don't be fragile
This world is the astounding web of guile
O dear, stop for a while
You still have to trek a mile

Reviews

[PaulB]

Nicely done. You've kept it tight. A couple of points occur in the second stanza, 'before they bore you....' sounds as if they have already done it. Rather ' before they bear you' might be clearer.
'Before your carcass get lit up..." how about 'before your carcass is lit up...' ? Might it be possible to leave out 'O dear' from the poem? (Prob just a personal thing with me, but worth a punt)

[nocturnal_mortal]

Thanks Paul !
The 'bore' which i used in second stanza implies-"To push forward in a certain direction with laborious effort".
But your perspective is right too, I will keep that in mind to write bit more clear .
Thanks

[barleygirl]

This is an interesting & intriguing poem. Your writing is good & I want to see more before I accept a friend request, so please keep writing & posting here! I love the way your writing is precise . . . you pick the exact perfect word for your expressions, rather than using mostly the typical words people use in conversation. You pick the right word, but it's not an overly complicated or fancy word. Your word choices are simply right to show the imagery or feelings you are writing about.

[nocturnal_mortal]

Thankyou so much ☺
Glad you liked it