Raquel

This a a short story about a girl named Raquel. It is a remake of Rapunzel that I had to do for my English course. I had to make the store more likely in today's time. What do you all think?

Raquel

Not that long ago, there was a handsome man and his beautiful wife. The wonderful couple had come across some unfortunate times, for they did not have a home. The couple lived in an abandoned building across the road from the local grocery store. They were a poor family, but all they ever wanted was a child of their own. The wife longed for someone that she could love and care for. Not long after staying in this abandoned building the wife starting noticing the delicious looking chocolate cake through the window of the grocery store across the street. But this cake was almost like a forbidden object to her because they barely even had enough money to have two meals a day, but as time passed she craved for the cake more and more every day. Her husband noticed how his wife didn’t seem to be herself lately. He approached his wife and asked her, “Dear wife, why do you seem so sad lately?” She replied, “The chocolate cake across the street has me craving more and more to taste it. I need to have that cake because if I don’t I will just die!” The man was so determined to keep his wife happy that he would go to any lengths to get that cake for her, no matter what the consequences for his action could be. So, the husband decided to steal the cake from the grocery store. He waited until night fall and snuck into the store. He easily got away with a chocolate cake and brought it back to his lovely wife. She was so happy and ate the cake with relish, but when the next day came she craved the cake even more and again asked her husband to get her more. So, of course to make his wife happy he agreed. But during this second night trying to steal a chocolate cake he was caught by the grocery store owner. The owner (a woman) was mad at first and was about to call the police department and have the man arrested, but the man told the store owner his story about how poor he and his wife were and how his wife craved for the chocolate cake and that she would die without it. In this case, the store owner felt sorry for him and decided to make him a deal. She said to him, “Fine, I will let you take the cake as you need, but in return I want the child you are expecting.” Because the man was so afraid of never being able to see his child if he were to go to prison for theft he decided to agree to the deal with store owner.

The child was named Raquel, and the night she was born the woman who owned the grocery store across the street showed up to take the baby. The store owner locked Raquel in the apartment above the store because this way Raquel would never be able to leave or have anyone in. The store owner thought this was the perfect plan because the apartment was right above the store, so she could watch everything and never have to leave. But after several years of being locked away from the world in this small apartment above the store, Raquel’s real mother came calling for her. Raquel’s real mother quietly called, “Raquel, Raquel, throw down your quilt.” Raquel was so excited to see someone other the store owner that she knotted her quilt and sheets and threw them out the window. Her mother climbed up and told her the truth about what had happened when she was born. After learning the truth, Raquel would do anything to get out of the apartment she had been locked in for several years.

The governor’s son Andrew had saw Raquel through the window when her mother had called to her and he memorized the way in which to call to her. The next night he came to Raquel’s window and called, “Raquel, Raquel, throw down your quilt.” Raquel looked out the window and was surprised to see a man she didn’t know standing down below. She was so happy to see a new face though, that she threw down her knotted quilt and sheets to let him climb up. They told each other their life stories and fell immediately in love. Andrew knew he had to be with Raquel, so he asked her to marry him and she agreed. Then he was determined to plan her escape so that they could live together forever. He was going to come back the next night with a ladder to help her climb down from her apartment window.

The next day when the store owner had gone up to talk to Raquel, she found the knotted quilt and sheets. The store owner was not happy and during this time Raquel accidently blurted out, “I have found a husband and will be married soon. He will be coming to rescue me from this apartment later tonight.” This upset the store owner even more, for the first time in years the store closed and she drove Raquel to the desert and left her to die. And later that night Andrew came to rescue Raquel, but when he got up to her window and inside the apartment he was not greeted by Raquel. He was face to face with the store owner who had locked Raquel in this apartment for all these years. The store owner told him what she had done to Raquel and then pushed Andrew out the window. Andrew went out the window face first into the rose bush that was directly below and was immediately blinded. After that all he knew to do was attempt to head in the direction of the desert where the store owner had said she left Raquel to die. During his journey to find the desert he survived on dirty water and grubs. Years of wondering eventually lead him to his lovely Raquel and wife-to-be. Her passionate kiss immediately healed his eyes and he was no longer blind. Andrew and Raquel went back to his home with the governor to be married and they lived happily ever after.

Reviews

[Nikhil Sharda]

If our body is a perfect expression of our thought about body, and if our thought about body is that it’s condition has everything to do with inner image and nothing to do with time, then we don’t have to be impatient for being too young or frightened of being too old.

[Immortal1967]

very good story, almost a rupunzel type tale. Was short and to the point. A good read.

[Dark Lady Phoenix]

very sweet story!