Floating Through Eden

the promise of heaven...and heaven lost

Your pain will be gone...

  You will always be the one...

                You will never be alone... 

                                     you will never be alone...     you will never be alone...     you will never be alone...

I am astounded by its beauty,

Its peacefulness, its providence,

And its promise of perfection

I am floating,

Floating in a paradise no longer lost

Revealing all, concealing nothing from thy view

How could we not have known?

Why were we not shown?

How could we have forgotten?

I am floating...

Floating through Eden

Floating in a heaven.

But there’s no one here.

Author's Note

I had these few lines that were written a few months ago. Which I thought could lead to something.

"I am astounded by its beauty,
Its peacefulness, its perfection
the scene is a heaven.
But there’s no one here."

then I read an article on NDEs (near death experiences) and somehow it evolved into this

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

I had a dream once when I was ill with covid which resembled the feelings expressed here. There were no heavenly choirs except I felt as though I was in heaven. I enjoyed reading your words.

Chris

[Sami Khalil]

I think you are talking about near death.
I believe in the real heaven and hell.
Good luck to all.

[Einstein Noodle]

the title drew me .. your poem reflects a spiritual reality .. life beyond the grave does exist .. there is heaven ... and there is a place of lost and tormented by what we missed ... it was plainly told to us eh!? great write .. i like it's brutal honesty
E.
ps. ij didn't have a problem reading between the lines ... welcome to the Cafe' :)

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

a friend of mine once asked me, 'what's it like inside that mind of yours?' i answered, 'wonderful. but it gets lonely, sometimes.' i think i have found a similar Eden to you contained in my vivid imagination - it really is wonderful to possess this ability. but it is a place for solitude, not company.
this work you've shared with us is extremely poignant. it begins with 'you will never be alone,' but ends with 'there's no one here.' it's an extremely tragic narrative arc, we were all promised at one point that we will always have someone here for us, but that does not seem to be the case for many people these days. in this loneliness epidemic, a disease that seems to have no effective cure, what is one to do? but there is perhaps some kind of hint found in this verse. 'floating in a paradise no longer lost' ... that is to find fulfilment, some joy, harnessing that sense of freedom we get when alone is the next best thing to a community or family. it is not a perfect solution, nor even ideal, but it is a remedy nonetheless.
adam had eve but it cost him paradise. we modern humans are lonely, but perhaps we can return to our inner eden through the process.

[JayG]

• “Your pain will be gone...”

What pain? Given that pain is something people as old as me have as a companion, that means you’re talking about death.

• “You will always be the one...”

The one who will...? Who are you addressing? What in the pluperfect hells is going on? You know. But the reader lacks context.

• “You will never be alone...”

As a matter of fact, I am alone.My children are grown and busy with their own family, and, my wife passed 10 years ago. Again, context.

• I am astounded by its beauty,

Wait...a moment ago you were talking about me, or some unknown person. Now, you’re astounded by something? It can't be Eden, because Eden was a garden, not a paradise, and Adam and Eve were created to work there, not vacation.

So, if the subject is the mythical Eden of the Bible, you’d have to take into account that you can’t get in. It’s guarded by cherubim, stationed at the east of the garden with flaming swords, to prevent access to the Tree of Life after Adam and Eve were expelled. So, be your Eden Biblical or something different, given that your intent for the meaning doesn't make it to the page, the reader must be given context as they read.

Sorry, but you did ask. You write well, and something like this could work. But you need to edit from the chair of a reader who lacks any context you don’t supply or evoke, so the idea in your mind transfers to that of the reader with perfection.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334
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“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow

“In sum, if you want to improve your chances of publication, keep your story visible on stage and yourself mum.”