the woman I raised

imagine your card declines at therapy

but instead of bringing in your toxic ex or a friend who hates you

they bring out a little girl

in pigtails with pink ribbons

and a smile too pure for the place she was in

though confused, you're forced to take her home

you're supposed to get her some new clothes

maybe take her out to a fancy dinner

get to know her and what she likes

while she tells you all about her new friend at school

after a few weeks, you fall into a comfortable routine

forgetting who sent her here in the first place

you drop her to school every morning with a warm lunch in hand

waving and smiling while she runs towards the door

her backpack too big and filled with her favorite books

a pale blue sundress 

her pigtails, a signature look

after school, she goes to a guitar class

her favorite time of day

you come in just as she's about to wrap up

and she plays you your favorite song

with the sweetest smile on her face

at home, you cook dinner

while she sits at the table scribbling in her diary

you ask her what she's writing

and she says

"you're the best new mom ever"

your heart drops in your chest

but not your smile

never your smile

for she is but an eight-year-old girl

how is she to know why she's there

how are you to know why she's there?

she tells you stories

she loves telling you stories

she says that her last mom was evil

"worse than the stepmother in cinderella?" you gasp

half playful, half curious

"no, never worse than the stepmother in cinderella"

she says pointedly

it makes you laugh and it makes you cry

alone in your room at night

what must she have been through

what must i go through

when she eventually goes back

to her evil stepmother?

though she doesn't seem to think she was all that bad

"she used to force me to cook dinner

though my hands used to burn

she used to force me to clean

though my knees used to hurt

she used to force me to work

though all i wanted was to learn

I'm glad i don't have to do that anymore

i love you, new mom"

a year so, you start to wonder

when she'll inevitably have to leave

she never did

and though against your heart's will

that made you the happiest you'd ever been

10 years so, she'd turned 18

it was the day of her graduation

she'd become a beautiful young woman

resembling her new mom

though you find that suspicious

you let it go

you take her back to the therapist

thinking it was all but a test

"see doc, i can infact raise a brilliant child!"

he shakes his head in amusement

"no darling, i well know you're capable of that"

he brings out his nurses

he takes the child away

she's screaming, you're crying

but they still take her away

putting her on an examination bed

they start to tear her away

first the legs, then the arms

there goes the butcher's knife

next, a cut straight down her chest

she's lost her ability to scream

you're chained to your chair

forced to do nothing but watch

as they take away the only thing

that has ever mattered to you

a product of your creation

a person you raised

a woman you shaped

a little girl who, against the most curious of circumstances

shaped you

they pull out her heart

the veins still attached

though it does not function anymore

it hurts just the same

blood is splattered on your face

on your dress, on your brain

how could this have happened

why did I let this happen

next, they bring in another woman

this one awfully familiar

"oh, hi mom

i know i look horrible, right now isn't really the best time

i know, i know, my dress shouldn't have stains on it

i'm sorry, i'll do better"

you want to scream

"can't you read the room?

can't you see i just lost my daughter?

can't you focus on me for once?

can't you be a mom too?"

but you don't

cause you can't

more confused than ever

you look over at the doctor, puzzled

he smiles back, a kind action

it looked anything but kind

"well, say goodbye to your mom!"

a menacing sound

you know what happens next

you shriek, you scream, you cry

the routine repeats itself over

until the doctor hands you two hearts

one of the woman you raised

and one of the woman who raised you

"look closely!"

the nurses are awfully cheery

you look closely

you notice the veins

look eerily similar

you notice the size

is weirdly identical

you notice, you notice, you notice

until tears slip down your cheeks

until you yourself want to tear out your heart

and hand it to the evil stepmother who had raised the woman who raised you

and the woman you raised

"it was her all along?

the girl I raised was the woman who raised me?

was she ever that nice?

was she ever that kind?

was she ever so passionate, so happy, so utterly full of life?

why would you do that to me?

I COULD'VE PAID IN INSTALLMENTS

IT WASN'T THAT BIG A DEAL!"

you wake up

drenched in sweat

it was all a dream

and you decide

you will never go to therapy

no matter how much it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest