Soul

Penned on March 5 2008

Man:
“Ah Blessed soul!!!
Is there a reason for me to wander in these forlorn skies
I never uttered words of aspersion for anyone in my minds
Why I am the only soul reaping the fruits of righteousness
Please free me from the cycles of incarnation !!!!!
Please enlighten this humble soul!!!!!!”

Lord:
“Ah modest soul!!!!
I never deprived you from the rights of enlightenment
Even I never snarfed your days of raptus delight
but whenver I free you from your faded fate
And every time when I weigh your ashes in my scale
I find void in your soul and ashes heavy in disdain.

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

This is a really esoteric poem. I keep trying to figure it out--if I knew more about Hinduism, I might feel more confident in my conclusion, but does this have something to do with the difference between an unenlightened 'man' and an enlightened 'lord' who are trying to obtain Moksha? That's the way that I read it, anyways. The man is stuck in his endless cycle of incarnation, while the wise lord has reached his goal.

Characteristically for you poems, there is no rhyme scheme and you use a lot of interesting words in your lines, even a couple that I haven't heard before (snarfed? lol), which does impede the reading of the poem somewhat. It was still enjoyable though, but like some others have mentioned: maybe one or two exclamation points are enough; any more than that and I think there is a diminishing return on added emphasis, and it is just harder for the reader to digest.

[a_mystery]

Lovely write. I agree with "Poetic Beauty" about the explanation marks. But its awesome anyways.


"And every time when I weigh your ashes in my scale
I find void in your soul and ashes heavy in disdain."

Explains the abyss a person is moving into. Nice thought.

[sherwin]

I like the last two lines the best. Its a well written, thoughtout piece but my only criticism is the exclamation points. I just think theres too many and didnt quite understand "ah modest soul!!!!!" Is he yelling? other then that, nice work.

[Poetic Beauty]

This is a sad poem about feeling lost and not quite what you want to be. Feeling as if something is missing as if something is wrong inside. I like the way you wrote this poem.

[Searching 4 Serenity]

Makes me think of a certain someone in my life.

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

good flow and imagery I liked it. I love it when people use the word forlorn IDK but its one of my fave words lol

100/100

[Jazique]

Nice deep and very descriptive. You were very clear, short, creative and unique. Would have never thought of such a thing in such words. Well done and keep up the awesome work.

[CharlesMonroe]

This is really good :D I love it
100/100

[Lily Mae]

I have to say that last line nails it in.. Excellent write.. x

[☯]

I loved it. A very good topic, and a strong one too. I like how you questioned and answered. I especially liked the last line in this piece, "I find void in your soul and shes heavy in disdain." Strong and can send varieties of messages. Great write :)