Forgive me

Penned on June 10 2007

Another Chance

Carressing the moments of Yesteryears,
I remember the days and the nights.
When we trekked the peak of the cliffs,
And exchanged our oceanic breathes.

Please come back to my my flickering life,
Forgive me for the words I swayed,
Coz’ , everytime I see your grave eyes,
In my minds I hear a cupid cry.

Please dont punish me for that wretched night,
I Knew you were always right.
Even in my dreams, 
I follow your unfathomable eyes.
Like an evangelist,
Please come back to my flickering life.

If I had another chance to love you.

Kissing the shadows of Midnight seas,
I would take you far to the lights,
Where even the moon would freeze to your sight,
Where only the sonnet of cupid rhymes.

Please come back to my my flickering life.

Reviews

[Richard Williams]

Some very nice lines, enjoyed reading it.

[Jazique]

Creativity "A"
Descriptions "A"
Grammar "A"
Puncation "A"
Enjoyment to reader "A"
Well done.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A punctured line of prose and relevant feeling, well done

[☯]

I really liked this poem. I like how you used the ocean and the details of it.
My favorite two lines are:
"Coz’ , everytime I see your grave eyes,
In my minds I hear a cupid cry."
I really liked it, clear imagery and very nice. Good job :)

[Layla J Omorose]

This is a well written poem and I liked the word play that you used. I partically liked the line "kissing the shadows of the midnight seas". I like the imagry that you are useing. However with that being said this poem did not grip me like the other ones have. For what reason why I cannot tell you to be honest but for me it took too long to grab my attention though like I said before your imagry was very good. I didn't get the complete feeling of longing I just felt as if you were telling me what was going on instead of making me feel it. And like another reviewer the last line in red is unnecessary. Also you might want to place a comma between the my's so that the reader knows they are to seperate my's and not a grammer mistake. But I truly did enjoy the imagry of the poem

[Davy Jones]

I hang onto every single word! That feeling of longing is expressed very well.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

very well done, i'm impressed

[LA Lorena]

Very well done! A beautiful heart felt write. My only criticism would be the change to red ink for the last line. It is unnecessary! The line itself has enough impact to stand alone without highlighting it in another colour, no need for further emphasis. It feels like a beacon, too blaring...let it be a more subtle nuance

[Coyote Poetry]

I love how you use the English language. You words are strong and beautiful. This poem was written with skill and kind emotion. We always wish for things we lose. I learn to be kind and hold on to the good things. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote