Hurrah and Goodbye

 

The time is drawing nearer
I feel the eve approaching
I return to regrets and memories
I approach dread and despair
I have searched for truth and beauty
And been shown that it’s not there

I am so still yearning
To find I am not more
I have learned all my philospophies
During high school, smoking
I learned my outlook, attitude
During my young, angry twenties
Now, it has come to THIS.....
And nothing more

No more shall I be an anectdote
Of some degenerate hero
No more shall I be the lover
You remember, secretly
No more shall be friend
There to guide and to misguide you

I have no more
Nothing left…
I cannot be the best me I can be
Because I do not know who ME shall be

So here it is, my last hurrah
My goodbye, my apologies
My last furious burst of creativity
My epic unseen comes closing

To all of those I may have touched
To all those I affecetd
I treasure all that I did and said
And would sacrifice myself again

To all the girls that I have loved
And so love now
You always have the pece of me
Deep inside
For you I will always worship
For you I will always remember
For you I will always give you all that is me
No matter the price I pay
I shall not forget the quiet joys we shared
They gave my life the few sparkling moments
Away from the darkness inside me
You were the ones who lights shined brightly
In all that is my gloom

My heart is always filled with loneliness
Darkness and anger
But I grow eary, tired
OF the same occurances repeating
Every object of desire not wanted
Every dream denied
Every hope rekindled
To be snuffed out as before

I feel the end draw nearer
Things will never be the same
I shall leave no more testaments
No more blogs, no more pictures
I can do no more
This time it is coming
And that time is soon

One day, your memories shalll fade of me
After I am gone and done and changed
Like I never happened
But while I am still breathing
I will leave you all my testaments
The truth that I have found
The beauty that is there before you
All the sadness, pain, sufffering, misery
Doubt, fear and anger
All the dreams and hopes and joys
The fleeting moments of closeness
They are epiphanies
That is what is the truth
Do not go unguarded
Be true unto yourselves
Love is ALWAYS the answer
And your heart will NEVER lie
All the truths I have learned through my own sacrifice
They have broken me
Beyond repair

I am the loneliest man in the world
I have the darkest of hearts inside me
My brow grows heavy with worry
Yet I will never have regrets

If THIS
Is all I have left
All that is ture within me
These words
On this screen
In this box
You read them, do you connect?
Do you know that I am here?
Did any of it matter?
Does anyone even care?
That we are more than THIS
That I am more than this
That it should have been different, greater
And now it is only me

 

This is my last hurrah, my goodbye
My last cry for help
My last furious attempt
To be something MORE
For you, to you, of you
From ME.................