Fly Away, Home

The trees are blowing in slow motion, each step I take closer to the home I grew up in, My heartache seems to slow everything even more, knowing there are boxes all over the floor.

I notice the light dirt beneath my feet and the little rocks I once called my friends.

I lift my chin, taking a deep breath filled with dysphoria.

I blink, My eyelids feel like letter's that were never opened.

One step closer to the door, with my car behind me.

I'm surrounded by orange and red leaves- No one knows; but they are carrying pieces of who I used to be.

The wind is blowing and I can see the white caps on the lake at the bottom of the hill.

I can almost feel the water surrounding my innocent soul, flashbacks of summers spent swimming till nightfall flood in, winters of sledding across the ice fly by.

With a shiver down my spine and a flock of birds flying above, I notice the rooftop I loved. I would climb out my window and crawl across the side- climbing all the way to the top. There I would lay and gaze at the stars, with beautiful silence surrounding me.

To me the silence was so serene, so soothing. It sounded like acoustics and violins. Most of all I remember the wind in my hair �" Taking me away, reviving me. I could think, I could dream, I could just … be.

The door is in front of my eyes, my reflection in the glass. I inhale, and for a moment I am 12 again.

I always thought I knew what to expect as I grew, each year I knew exactly what I was going to do. I’m 21, and I thought it would be filled with nothing but fun. Everything in my life so far that has shattered me, I have put back together…but I will always be able to feel every single crack.

I have so many secrets, so many painful roads behind, and so many that lie ahead. It’s becoming hard to push them out of my head. I’m hoping and trying with every fiber of my being for a better tomorrow, to help them, to help myself. I keep trying to have faith that they will find an antidote for my superman to be healthy again, that I will wave a magic wand and the paperwork and millions of bills would disappear from their hands �" so they could rest easy for the first time in years, I will wish upon a star for money to get by, and that we will wake up to a pile of riches and gold, Maybe we won’t ever get old… The corner of my mind that holds my innocence. Hoping…everything will take a turn for the best, for once….

Reality is so much more…

My hand grips the handle of the door.

-Janelle Johnson

Author's Note

ignore grammar issues, hope you enjoy. <3

Reviews

[B.J]

I enjoyed reading the reality of your work, life in turmoil as we get older. Great work keep writing

[Nellie Johnson]

Thank you so much Barb