Fatality

My story of the car accident I was in when I was younger.

I can still smell the lung bursting scent of the airbag.

 

[sodium azide (NaN3) with potassium nitrate (KNO3) to produce nitrogen gas. Hot blasts of the nitrogen inflate the airbag. ]

 

The way it felt against my skin, the utter shock along with the unbearable pain.

The heat and the lack of air, the blood sliding down my chest.

Every blink, uncovered something worse then the blink before.

The feeling of flipping inside the car, everything was black, even though the sun was bright.

The scream of my mom as the truck smashed into our car making us airborne echoed in my ears each second until we finally landed in the ditch.

Unable to see, Unable to breathe, Unable to think.

I can still see him flying through the air, and smashing into the pavement, sliding across the highway eventually laying lifelessly.

Pieces of the vehicles scattered across the highway, across the ditch, nothing was were it was supposed to be.

A regular Tuesday afternoon changed my view on everyone in the world, especially myself.

Everyone reacts to pain and tragedy in different ways, everyone thinks they "have been through it all" or can handle anything, but you havent,and you can't.

NOTHING, could prepare you for sudden death.

To be in such pain, to watch someone die, to watch everything happen before your eyes, to live.

 

I may have survived the accident, and I am immensely thankful, but I don't yet feel alive.

 

My heart was buried on Highway 29.

 

I heard the machines all night, I looked in every nurse, and doctors eyes.

I felt every needle, every pill, every stab,every poke, every breath.

I heard every scream in the ER, I saw every emotion in the halls.

I remember every test, every window holding me inside.

I remember the sound of the helicopter, opening my eyes, seeing a blur of sky, and my oxygen mask.

Lifting my arm to move slightly, all I saw was bruises and IV wires.

Inside the Helicopter I looked out the tiny window and as I gasped for breath I saw the ground,through the window holding me inside.

The same ground I saw as the car crashed.

The window was broken.

It wasn't holding me in.

I remember every smile, every astonished face, every touch on my hand, every lifeless body, every drop of blood, every screaming child, every tortured soul.

Laying in the ER for over 10 hours...

You hear so much.

You see so much.

 

A little girl, about 5 or 6 screaming for hours

"WHERES MY MOMMY"

as her mom lays in the bed next to my room,dying.

She dropped her doll in the blood that dripped from the passing body.

Minneapolis, you have so much beauty, and so much pain.

 

My soul was stolen in the Emergency room.

 

 

"We are all like ants. You don't care when you run over a few ants with your car, do you?"

 

 

 

As I awoke in my hospital bed, after puking my insides out, I saw I had a roommate.

A girl soon turning 13, yelling at her mom, treating her like dirt.

I stared at her, and she seemed to instantly quiet down.

Her mom said no, and as we talked a few times, before I left, she told me I was a miracle, and that I had changed her life.

She said I possessed an undeniable beauty, that radiates each time I open my eyes.

She wished me luck.

Each doctor smiled as I left, touched my hand, touched my face.

They wished me luck.

 

I'm still there.

I'm still here.

 

 

I can still hear the collision.

 

Like it was seconds ago.

 

I'm neither complaining nor feeling sorry for myself.

I'm stating whats going through my mind.

 

 

 

 

Nothing will be the same after this.

I am merely a human unable to predict when I will be brutally slaughtered.

Until that day,

I am here to stay.

Author's Note

ignore grammar issues, thank you for reading <3 :)