Desperation

12/12/2018 11:45PM

It's only a matter of time

It always returns

How naive was I to think

To dare to dream

To place my faith in false hope

There's nothing I can save 

I'll never be enough

Despite everything I do 

It'll never be enough 

I don't get get time to think

I don't get time to breathe

I don't get time alone

Just a time of suffering

Reviews

[Chryiss]

I like how you broke up each line. Each can stand on its own with a different feeling, but put together with the slight pauses due to the breaks, it adds to the 'desperation' bit by bit, making it multilayered. I especially like the first four lines; they really grabbed me. Also, the ending left me hanging a little in a good way, and I interpreted it two ways: that the suffering while continue (the hanging feeling), and that the suffering is only for a time (word choice). However, with the repetition of the "I don't get time," perhaps the latter interpretation is wishful.

[Fanicia E.]

Thank you for the review! I see you definitely put a lot of thought into it and I appreciate the time you took to analyze my work. What I love most about writing (and the arts in general) is how subjective it can be and leaving the power of interpretation to the reader. Wordplay and diction also add another layer to that interpretation, and I love that no matter what I have in mind when I write, others can find meaning in it in a variety of ways, and in a way that resonates to them. 😊

[Lavi]

Unfortunately, I relate strongly to this in the past year.... it was so hectic and there are so many emotions tied to it that I can't even find a way to write it into words yet... but this poem pretty much captured it. Only recently are things looking up but it's definitely a battle I'm constantly fighting. I hope you are doing better since writing this (I saw your quota that you're a mom now, congrats!). If not, then let's fight that battle together ay?

[Fanicia E.]

So sorry to hear that Lavi. It's hard not to be pessimistic or defeatist when you're going through a rough season, but it's just that: a season. It won't last forever, and you end up feeling better at some point. It's just the waiting that gets you. I am better off in some ways but am still fighting my fair share of demons. Thank you! Being a mom is my proudest accomplishment and simultaneously incredibly terrifying, but I wouldn't change a thing!

[Shineheemi]

I could see the pain and the hardships standing on that position and situation. Really tired. I like the piece.
You’re doing really great. :)
By the way, i just came back here few days ago, congrats being a mom. Be healthy. :)

[Rye]

I know this feeling at times, This is so very well written.

[Fanicia E.]

Thank you Ryanna, and I hope you're not too familiar with the unfortunate feeling

[barleygirl]

Your lines of desperation sound very true to life for how it can feel sometimes. It's so relatable, that feeling of not wanting to even try anymore, why try? It will only turn out bad. But somehow we find the courage & the gumption to try again. That's the beauty of human nature & it sounds like your narrator has tried, again & again, but she probably won't really give it all up this time either (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Fanicia E.]

Knock me down nine times, but I get up ten, right? 😉

[Blank_fortunes]

There is No better canvas than an empty one. Our pains and misfortunes help us to get through the next one that much more easily. I love this piece just the way it is! The most critical line to me in this piece I read differently the second time though it is fine just the way you have it is. "How Naive was I to think, To dare to dream. To place my faith in false hope There is nothing I can save. Reading the 2nd time I read it "How naive was I to Think? How naive was I to dare? How naive was I to dream? How naive I was to ever dream to dare to think! Placing my faith in false hope... A heartfelt piece I enjoyed reading.

[Fanicia E.]

Thank you for the sincere and thoughtful review! I'm happy anytime I'm able to write something that resonates with others.