Chapter 1: Celebrity

The first chapter of my book Methods Of Execution...im keeping you in the dark on purpose....so pay attention!

Chapter one: Celebrity

Noiselessly the 'Vusion' fades on and lights up the room. Shadows inhabit the room and bring it to life long before anything in it moves; including me. "Reports are in and police and public alike are outraged in the aftermath of another POCS event. Having occurred after twenty four days without a recorded incident". She used big words for a blond. It was amazing she could even afford pearl earrings today even on journalist pay. I rolled it off though; just a little pat on the back, it was all worth it. All for the right cause. 'Stupid b***h'.

He sat up in his bed. It smelled like stale perfume, cologne, 'fabrigent', or maybe flowers. It was actually nice. Pulling the covers off he brushed the back of the woman, wife, or perhaps escort laying in the bed beside him. He was still blind as a bat even in the newscasts glow, perfect timing, but I liked to watch.

The news continued and I focused again on the thick English accent in the room, I had forgot where work had brought me. I was home in Britain; in London." ...the prescience of the POCS is now overwhelming, local officials are still unresponsive with no plan of action and national authorities efforts have shown few results. Of course the situation only digs the nation deeper into economic turmoil" I cringed a bit and hoped that my smoldering glare could burn the c**t through the screen.

"Sadly underground conspiracy crowds try to seek out the POCS and there has been recent news of guising agents at night clubs. We urge the public to regard all boasts and threats very seriously and informs all proper authorities after vacating the area immediately"

A few clips played over her babbling. A mass of teen boys, peach fuzzed, and pizza faced were dressed all in black, and dodgey broads who bit there lips lifted there blouses. Of course there was a cut away. As though Vu2 would be flashing tits on the 6 am inform.

He was done in the bathroom, and I was finally happy with the mornings news report, I guess he didn't notice the remote. The light went out.

"Viv?" he mused playfully.

'Wow, wife!' I surmised now that he actually had a name to offer in the darkness. I was surprised. I was betting on call girl, I usually did.

"Vivian?" He sought now with a bit more concern. There was a touch of husk in his voice. I wasn't sure what he was planning in defense, but I was confident knowing he was prepared only with the boxers on his a*s, and maybe his tooth brush in hand.

He had started making his way back to the bed but, she was taken care of. It was a masterpiece really, still warm when he copped his morning feel.
I grabbed the scruff of his neck, like a dog, and gently pressured point number 23 and held fast.

I spoke as if to a child quiting him "Shhhhhh" though I knew perfectly well he would remain inaudible, cause my thumb and forefinger now held him so, and also with in an inch of life.

There was a look. Not shock, I suppose he half expected it. But there it was none the less. There was no need to embarrass him, at least not without an audience. That was poor planning I guess. I slipped a cube from my vest and helped it down his throat. I wished it wasnt so simple I wanted a bit more struggle for my trouble, but I didn't want to wait and there were places to be, easily enough point number 8; He hit the floor hard.

"F**k!" I examined his face. No major marks, no bleeding. I gently laid it down back to rest, to sleep next to Vivian before he would die.


I hated being naked. It was time for threads. Time to play. And If I had to do a job and get bare back for even a moment I was glad I at least got to make an entrance at the end and play dress up. I was breaking light now and it meant risking a performance when I left. 'Perfect'. Green French collared shirt. Asp & Co. pin striped suit. Platinum wrist wear and new shoes. I could tell by the receipt still on top.

Laughably I practiced a few sets of scales while dressing, preparing myself for a show and folding what I had worn into a brown leather case.

Down the hall coo's told me I was headed in the right direction. No need for another wardrobe change. Just a tear in the stuffed doggie. Curiosity and fluff was all I needed to take care of the well, 'fluff'. I winded the mobile and surrendered a few silly faces. She would take care of herself. I grabbed some shades and left. 'Almost perfect'.

'Audi, BMW, Kell, Mercedes?' The BMW would blend better, it was there version of a family car I suppose, the others were a bit more auspicious models, bold colors, sports bodies and all.

It was cool and wet outside. I decided I wanted food. Then I looked up.

'Beautiful' I thought welcoming the lot of them. A youthful man was grinning like an idiot smartly dusting off a clearly department store suit. He refitted a tarnishing watch as he spoke. This would be easy.

"Ello', stranger! Long time eh?" He spoke loudly and without a clue. I'd never seen him in my life, nor he me. It seemed to be his parents behind him. Sweet little pointless people. I gave a nod.

"Oh yes" He dropped his voice to a more bearable level. "The old folks cramping my style for a bit I'm afraid, Mum's taken ill you see". He was lying. "But with any luck..." He continued trailing off with a wink.

"Ah yes. Just a little luck" I assured him trying with all my might to feign familiarity and interest gripping his shoulder trying literally to put him in his proverbial place. I moved on to my new car.

"Taylor given you the get away car too? haha..." He wanted to carry on before what I could guess would be his carpool would arrive. He had no idea how stupidly close he was. I had time for them too, but again it was just too easy. Too stupidly harmlessly effortlessly easy. it would do no good. No real good.

"Well, new intern, new chaffer!" I belted colorfully hoping to amuse him.
He attempted to out muscle my own temperamental touch and managed to give me a squeeze on the shoulder, really more of a pinch before I climbed into the car.

"You really should be more careful mate" He said hauntingly as I let the windows down.

'I should have waited' I though panicked. My eyes flew up the lattice to the second story window. 'No body hung on the window box?' What the hell was out of place?

His voice lightened "Choose your company a bit better eh?" gesturing Frankenstein like to the very spot where my invisible visions lay writhing after their assailant. "There be monsters out there".

"Monsters" I said matter of factly, seeing his fleshy mitts holding the passenger side "Mind your hands".

Reviews

[Tyler King]

For some reason i had in the back of my mind, an image of some sort of... was it... dawn of the dead? The news casting in the beginning talking about i'm guessing an epidemic. That was the real thrill, knowing that over all there was something potentially horrifying going on, and within that something else was happening even more horrifying. I liked how I had NO clue in the beginning on who exactly was narrating. When the killer was talking about it being a job, that's what threw me off. I guess i'd really have to read on. I hope there's more. At the same time with the cube being put down the throat, and the still warm wife. Is the narrator responsible for what was on the news as well? bah... I hope to find out. I really enjoyed your work :-D

kudos!

-Tyler

[Tickle me not]

I found it interesting, but I head to read it twice. You may want to make things a little more clear. Remember, Chapter One is the most important because its whats going to draw in readers.
Other than that, good job.

[Rick Puetter]

Hi again Nikkikid48,

A few general comments. First, when you write a piece you have to capture the audience right away. I know you know this and I'm not telling you anything new. However that also means that EVERYTHING must be completely transparent to the audience. They can't wonder "What does this mean". You can't make the reader do any work. And you already recognize that you are doing just that when you warn the reader "i'm keeping you in the dark on purpose....so pay attention!". The reader shouldn't have to pay attention. You need to ensure with your writing that he can't possibly miss anything that's important.

Now how do you do that? Well I see that you want to tell the story mostly from the point of view of this so-far-unnamed person that committed the murder. That's fine. But there is a narrator in there too. This is one way to do it. Also, don't use anything that might be unfamiliar to the reader. You either have to explain it some way, or don't use it. The "Vusion" and "POCS event" are items like that. (Also, something doesn't "..fades on and lights up the room". If it's fading, it's getting darker.)

Finally, I think you need to explain more. I know you want to keep the reader in the dark, but you don't want to lose them either. If you keep them waiting too long, they'll get annoyed. So explain what you can without revealing what you need to hide to make the story work. We're wondering about lots of stuff in the first chapter. Why is the murderer naked, for example. That maybe part of the story that you want to hide, but make the fact that he is naked perfectly obvious. Say something like "he was naked again like he was many times before." I don't even know if I'm right here, but if that's an important fact then it has to come across to the reader in a way that they'll take note of it and maybe even wonder about.

There are some typos, of course. You seem to leave off apostrophes in contractions of words. I've noticed that in your poetry too. So just learn that rule, burn it into your brain and you'll not make that mistake anymore.

This is a good read just like the two poems I read of yours.

Keep up the good work and best of luck in getting your writing the notice it deserves.

Rick

[Mysteral - Night Prowle..]

Interesting plot, so far, but it took me a while to get into what the first paragraphs were trying to show me. Whether the narrator was a third person in the 'bedroom' I guess? or something else. There were several sentences like:
"I hated being naked. It was time for threads. Time to play. And If I had to do a job and get bare back for even a moment I was glad I at least got to make an entrance at the end and play dress up."

Made me wonder what the relevance is. Perhaps they will become clear in the next chapter.

Noticed what appeared to be a few typos in the writing, which should be easy to pick up on editing, Other than these minor points, I'm interested to see how the next chapter pans out.

Good write, and thanks for giving me the opportunity to read and review

[Mick Parsons]

There's some interesting threads here; the news reel and the killer at work. I'm guessing that these things will be explained in more detail in subsequent chapters; but I wonder what this would read like if the chapter opened on the killer at work instead of the news. The speaker here is really interesting, and it might be nice to build her up and then throw her into this conspiracy as discussed on the news.