Sleepless Night

Had to let it out sometime.

It's one a.m. and I can't sleep, and it's all because of you.

You screwed me over by being the beautiful human you've always been, rather than the childishly upset version you should have been. You were calm and collected, you got your point across without raising your voice.

You decided that we should go about our separate ways, and chose to start a new chapter in your life, one that didn't have me in it. You planned on going to college up in St. Louis while I stayed back home in southwest Missouri, trying to make a living by working 9-10 hour shifts at McDonald's. You wanted to enjoy the experience without having to worry about hurting some oddball of a human five hours away, a ghost of your old life.

Goddamn it, why we're you so professional about it? I could tell that it hurt you inside just as much as it did me. But if that's the case, then why was it that I was the only one crying that night?

Maybe I was just seeing a reflection of myself in your eyes, sad and pathetic as my heartstrings slowly tightened and my breathing hitched. Maybe you weren't as hurt as I thought, watching as I tried so desperately to hold my composure in front of you.

I'm mad at you; not for leaving me, but for handling it so much better than I did. Even with you being as respectful and nice about it as possible, I still couldn't hold myself together when I needed to most. I'm also proud of you for getting accepted into college, and starting your new chapter in life.

I don't even know why I'm writing this, I know good and well you'll never see it. Just me spouting off into the abyss, letting my emotions out to anyone willing to listen.

Maybe I'm wrong though; maybe you'll somehow stumble across this and you'll be reminded of a time when you were younger. One where you slow-danced to "A Thousand Years" in an empty hallway with a guy you had only just recently met because you missed the school dance the weekend before. Where you texted back and forth with the same guy sometimes until four in the morning. A time where you said you thought you'd never find love again, until you met that oddball of a human being.

Maybe you'll smile, and maybe you'll do everything you can to forget again; in any case, Trinity, I hope that when you remember me, you memories will be mostly positive.

~D.M. Thornton