Ophelia

What went through Ophelia's head from hamlet when she was drowning

I leave my body; I began to inhabit the air

and struggled so I would not feel

I wept

the silence.

I felt huge and bloated. I felt like a sea.

I lie still underneath

the beating of his heart and the beating of mine

like a rabbit, and how his thudded.

Listen to

mine skip

I was still breathing. I heard his heart

and the dark earth surrounding us

I could have yelled for hours

I knew

I was an animal already dying

I crept forward in silence

No one answered

something had changed inside

Left alone

Take deep breaths and hold them. 

Try to stay still for longer and longer periods of time.

Make yourself small and like a stone.

Curl the edges of yourself up and fold them

under where no one can see.

Ocean eyes

Bottomless in a way that I found frightening.

I was Captured

those Eyes were oceans, inside them there was loss.

When the moon was high the music would stop.

The dancing stopped. We froze.

I stood alone in a sea of

snowflakes

I watched her walk off in front of me,

saw her blue dress

trail away

I thought of spider webs in the morning, how

they held small jewels of dew,

how with a light movement of the wrist,

I used to destroy them without thinking

Sleepwalkers

Stare down the hole and look into the earth.

I'm down there waiting ;I'm up here

watching

Crows were lined up,

their beaks holding crooked 

twigs

They took wing and followed

me

Had he 

really seen me somehow, or

was he

merely a little boy telling beautiful lies?

His eyes were the darkest gray

I did not hesitate to fall inside of them

As consciousness woke, it was as if poison seeped in.

I lay there under a heavy weight

I was deep under, swimming against drug and nightmare and waking dream.

I 

would lie there

in half-sleep, listening

I liked to pretend that I

was in the warm hold of a ship

the ocean and the waves

rolling gently

against the sides 

of the night

hushed to sleep

by the soft lullaby 

of her words

Then there they were, fireflies lighting up and expanding in

howls and swirls as they abandoned human flesh

She no longer looked haunted.

I could feel her walking over me. I called out to her

but my mouth filled with dirt.

We were looking at each other,

our separate bodies

suspended under water.

Floating,

And the sound that I craved and missed

-the sound of life

-replaced the endless calling of names.

(Ophelia OPHELIA Ophelia OPHELIA)

Author's Note

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