Eden

 

Let me give you what you seek

it is within me

let me grant you peace

my undulating coils,

twisting at your feet

do not crush me with your heel

offer yourself to me

in my glittering fangs

lies the sleep of sleeps

ready to bestow

come to me

i have what you need.

Reviews

[Juliet]

Ah, the curse of Eve! If only...

The way you hint at Eden (was that intentional, or am I just reading into it?), yet it is simply a poem about a snake tempting one to be bitten. "...to grant you everlasting peace..." that is really good. I love the innuendo here. Very deep for such a brief piece.

[Captain Savage]

well i see this as a poem of dying, defiantly, but i dont see what these others are raving on about mongeese. Mongeese would make sense for it to be pluralized that way right? Any way, on to something that is about the poem. As to expressing how i perceived this poem , i am having some trouble, the snake is defiantly offering to kill them, "put them to Sleep" , so i want to believe the person has been contemplating suicide, and is seeing the snake as a means by which to do it, since they dont have the nerve to out right do it. but then that is hard to explain sense its the snake doing all the "talking" here, with no reply back from the person. So any way , I seem to have taken on an entirely different perspective on this , than your previous reviewers.
I defiantly liked this one, very nice wording, it all goes together so nicely.

Captain Savage
Aka Nsan3
or Ryan if you prefer

[Michael Ceraso]

haha, the snake and the mongoose, is that guy huffing glue or what, no, whatever is clever, or so they say,, i want to go with the snake in this, you capture the lure of the snake, the capacity for desire to lead you into the mouth of disaster, i am convinced, let me at that apple, and then, i will sleep the long sleep quite contently! CHEERS!

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I wonder sometimes if I'm on another planet. I read the previous review and wonder why I read something so different. The title seems to lead the way to me. You take the reader down a path that has the foliage of religion on each side. The serpent .. temptation, seems quite Genesis-like to me. The tempter hints of the death that he brings in his "glittering fangs". Yet we all continue to make ourselves so vulnerable to him.

Well written. I hope I get your meaning.

[The Poor Man's Poet]

Nice this poem brings back memories of old cartoon I saw when I was young.
about a snake and mongoose. Only the snake didn't make it.
I like poems that take me back.

The Poor Man's Poet.