A Bad Year's Desperation

There must be an angel out there

As corrupted as a money-hungry politician.

And angel whose crooked smirk

Could only represent that of one who gets

The utmost satisfaction from the havoc she reeks

On the meaningless lives of those below her.

A smirk symbolic of the same inferiority complex

That inhabits the brains of millions of schoolyard bullies

Stalking their victims by the order of their own self-esteem.

The silly sorrow of my unused apologies means

Nothing to this angel

For she gets her own confidence

From my pitiful dismay.

For her to accept my thoughtfulness

And self-loathing as punishment enough

Would bring an end to the unclever allusion

She keeps of herself.

Yet as I ponder this possibility,

I am met with many more logical answers

To the questions

That infest every inch of my mind.

Maybe its me.

Maybe its my own unclever allusion

Which keeps me ever-longing

For the happiness I feel I so deserve.

Maybe my witty nature

And fun-loving attitude

Are not as appealing to those

Around me as I’ve always thought them to be.

Or maybe my many flaws are more apparent to the world

Than I try to realize.

But no,

There has to be something out there for me.

The person I want to be.

The someone who feels the same.

The life I long to live.

One day my debt of emotional tourettes

Will be paid in full

And then,

And only then,

Will I truly find my oasis of true self-awareness.

Maybe then I’ll have control in the battle of wits

Between me and me.

But for now my mind races on

And I'm finding it harder

And harder

To keep up with the pack.

Author's Note

This one is a pretty old one but writing it felt good so tell me how it feels to read it.

Reviews

[D.Truelove]

This is the self doubt that everyone feels beautifully captured and put to paper. Very easy piece to relate to. I like the idea that even angels have their bullies among them. The teeter-totter of who the real enemy is, the outside influence or yourself is well told.

[x]

What a beautiful write.
It made me sad to think of an angel out there being so careless with anothers heart..Doesn't sound like much of an angel to me.
I don't like her at all.
The write is so sincere..I'm keeping it for my favourites as a reminder of how I'd never want to be.

[Chelsea.]

Great Poem. I found it easier to read towards the end for some reason. That could be because my vocabulary isn't that well expanded yet. Lol, but it made me think.

[Randolf Ramos]

This i a great poem about realities of life, from it, we lean something in return no matter how dire we have undergone in its sting.

Keep on writing.

[Nicola Taylor]

"And angel whose crooked smirk"

Do you mean "an angel"?

Good write.

[the in between]

I felt like my emotions were expressed on paper lol i cant even pick out a favorite part it all speaks to me hahaha now thats art

[ScarlettTheDreamer]

I like the feel this poem gives, the longing, the way patience and regret is portrayed. Another awesome poem from you buddy!

[r]

I really love this song, it's sad and depressing, but with a hint of hope. Really pulled me into it, and i really enjoyed this. :)


EDIT: hahaha, i put "song" on accident, sorry, lol

[Forever Mine]

I enjoyed reading this.. The 1st line really dragged me in and i couldnt stop reading after that. Good Job : )

[Robin]

this is very self reflective and you have laid it out all on the table , and the pack is watching . the question you leave us is - all in ? or time to look for a new game ...

good writing

[Radioactive]

I liked it. When I read the first line 'There must be an angel out there..' I thought that the poem would have a completely different feel, more.. angelic. The second line is where you really set the tone 'As corrupted as a money-hungry politician.' which, besides getting to the point, made me laugh. Keep writing.

-Maddie XX