That Dark Night

     A slap across the chub-skinned cheek of his face and he writhes in pain and curiosity, as he wonders still who this angel-faced torturer is.

     “Take that!” she screams, as she delivers the top side of her foot to his shriveled hang downs and brings him to his bony knees.

     “Get used to that begging position,” she proudly brags, “it suits you well.”

     Smooth knuckles blacken his weeping eye and take what’s left of his breath away. The flat packing of another earth shattering punch springs the first sign of ruby red blood from his now crooked nose. It is at this point that a crowd of bystanders starts to form around the horrible display, yet nobody stops the beating as if this were all a clever act from the twisted mind of the most fucked up vigilante.

     A shiny aluminum baseball bat enter the scene as a metallically tinged “WHACK!” mixes in with the cracking sound of the boys ribs exploding into his chest. His breathing becomes even further hampered and is now as shallow as a girl with a prom dress and no date. The boy falls face forward into the ground and with a waterfall of tears in his eys begs her to cease this wretched madness.

     “Is this a game to you?” he pleads, “I don’t deserve this punishment.”

But the one way battle continues as each blow adds another scar to his collection.

The bat has now been replaced by a size 6 left foot cracking rib after rib, each kick sending painful shivers throughout every nerve ending in his bruised body and sending shards of bone closer and closer to his ever sensitive heart.

     “How dare you mock my existence!” she yells, but he still has no clue who this beauty has him mistaken for. This is the last thought he has as with one last hacking cough of blood and tar, he blacks out becoming all but instantly numb to the thrashing world around him. Only one misguided soul can stop this mayhem but what suck soul would dare cross the path of this freight train of anger and disapproval.

     The boy awakes on the stiff carpet beside his bed in a seizure of cold sweat. He bolts to the bathroom to see the damage he has endured only to find a single droplet of blood leaking from his perfectly straight nose.

     “Not again,” he mumbles with a sigh and he retreats back into another slumber, further amplifying his psychosis.

Author's Note

I was extremely pissed off when I wrote this but for no apparent reason. Writing it really helped but its the only short story I've ever done. Tell me how I did.

Reviews

[Willow B. Coldfeather]

Wow, that was so vivid!
You could have fooled me into thinking you wrote short stories for a living (:
Every single sentence was creative and detailed.

I was starting to get angry myself! Like, somebody do something! And usually I hate the clichéd ending of waking up from a dream,
but it fit in perfectly here...and gave me a sigh of relief!

[Bard Constantine]

I enjoyed the unique language you employed, which made a violent beat-down more creative than it otherwise could have been, a little Clockwork Orange type voice to the narration. The dream ending is woefully overused, however, which only served to weaken the story. Keep writing, you do good work.

[Coyote Poetry]

Words can create peace when you release them to paper. A very powerful story. I could feel the anger and the violence in the words. The discussion was interesting and I like the ending was painful for the boy. A very good story.
Coyote

[HermitsUnited]

Whoa. That was absolutely amazing! I could see it so well. I actually flinched a few times. I rarely actually react to what I read too! That's...awesome. You should deffinitly write short stories more often! You're really good!

[topsyturvy]

All I can say is.. WOW. You've chosen your words well, and you just made it come sooo alive. I was actually bit cringing coz in my mind's eye it was like I was seeing it too. Loooved the ending!

[r]

awesome!! omg!! i love it!! Violent and insane and amazing hehe :)

[bbb]

A little more violent than what I usually read, however it captured my imagination and I stuck it out through the whole story. The ending was just superb. All in all, a very well-crafted piece of work.

[Crusaderscross]

It is quite well written. A bag full of emotions are expressed here. Loved the ending too. Very detailed but simple at the same time.

[Dingo the Archwizard of..]

Wow. This was different from anything I've read; the subject matter, the plot, even the present tense as I don't read much of that. A+ for originality, as well as writing techinque. I like your description. I actually read through the whole story, as opposed to the billions of other boring stories on here which I can't get through for the life of me. Anyway, all in all, nice.

That's a bit mad. I like the angry emotion and the punishment without crime. This is really good story. "As shallow as a girl in a prom dress without a date" That's quite funny actually.