That Dark Night

     A slap across the chub-skinned cheek of his face and he writhes in pain and curiosity, as he wonders still who this angel-faced torturer is.

     “Take that!” she screams, as she delivers the top side of her foot to his shriveled hang downs and brings him to his bony knees.

     “Get used to that begging position,” she proudly brags, “it suits you well.”

     Smooth knuckles blacken his weeping eye and take what’s left of his breath away. The flat packing of another earth shattering punch springs the first sign of ruby red blood from his now crooked nose. It is at this point that a crowd of bystanders starts to form around the horrible display, yet nobody stops the beating as if this were all a clever act from the twisted mind of the most fucked up vigilante.

     A shiny aluminum baseball bat enter the scene as a metallically tinged “WHACK!” mixes in with the cracking sound of the boys ribs exploding into his chest. His breathing becomes even further hampered and is now as shallow as a girl with a prom dress and no date. The boy falls face forward into the ground and with a waterfall of tears in his eys begs her to cease this wretched madness.

     “Is this a game to you?” he pleads, “I don’t deserve this punishment.”

But the one way battle continues as each blow adds another scar to his collection.

The bat has now been replaced by a size 6 left foot cracking rib after rib, each kick sending painful shivers throughout every nerve ending in his bruised body and sending shards of bone closer and closer to his ever sensitive heart.

     “How dare you mock my existence!” she yells, but he still has no clue who this beauty has him mistaken for. This is the last thought he has as with one last hacking cough of blood and tar, he blacks out becoming all but instantly numb to the thrashing world around him. Only one misguided soul can stop this mayhem but what suck soul would dare cross the path of this freight train of anger and disapproval.

     The boy awakes on the stiff carpet beside his bed in a seizure of cold sweat. He bolts to the bathroom to see the damage he has endured only to find a single droplet of blood leaking from his perfectly straight nose.

     “Not again,” he mumbles with a sigh and he retreats back into another slumber, further amplifying his psychosis.

Author's Note

I was extremely pissed off when I wrote this but for no apparent reason. Writing it really helped but its the only short story I've ever done. Tell me how I did.

Reviews

[Warrior]

Great story telling. This did justice in the realm of getting the message across. Great message. There's lot of times where a story can have a great message to aim for, and have a lot of under lining things but then no one gets it, and if no one gets it, then the point has failed. But in my opinion this did well to get the message across. You made it clear, which is why I think it's good. Keep up the good work. What was also great was that I could imagine the story as I read it, and that is also a strong point of stories. The ability to have the reader imagine it because after all we're reading not watching it, but it was as if I was there as I read this, and that is great. Great visuals and great story telling. It had plot and substance. When you add substance to writing it gets that much better. It gets the reader hooked on it and make them feel as if they are part of it. As long as their is that emotional connection between the reader and the story then it's good. The connection you were able to established in the writing gives the reader a sense of comfortably that they are in tune with the writing. So that way when the writing is over, the reader wants more, and wishes it didn't end. I feel the same way when I watched a movie or tv series that I get so attached to, I never want it to end. And for this writing, I didn't want it to end. You had me hooked, and I am sure everyone else who read it was hooked as well. That is good, that is what you want for people to keep wanting more. The way you put the story together makes me feel like my life is different for that moment in which I read your story. I love it, and it was beautiful. Just keep posting stories like this, and you'll have a good following.

[Marie Harrison]

I thought this was funny! Great job.

[Randolf Ramos]

Brutal! The story is unique.

[manchilld99]

This brutality is visited upon the reader,seemingly with relish. The real story here is not of the wretched punishment of this boy, but of the reader, skillfully meted out by the writer. At the end, the revelation of the dream-state is, in fact, a relieving of the audience of the awesome horror and guilt at having read and watched without intervening. Thanks for letting us know that we have not been the helpless cowards that reading this had reduced us to.

Skillful, calculated, effective writing.

[Senseless whatever]

Good write. Very descriptive. The dream twist at the end keeps the reader thinking.

[Vyctm]

wow. I liked this one a lot. The whole thing being a dream it made the end all the better. The present tense made it sound better than it would of in present.

[Shaan]

vivid..
but try to write in past tense.. that would be better!
read mine @
www.muskdeer.blogspot.com

[heich]

like..

[x]

Yikes, what a beating and what on earth did you do to deserve such an attack. I feel bad for you...each detailed brutality was felt by the reader, nauseating indeed.
Overall, a very talented write...full of verve, punches like a street fighter.
Thanks so much for posting..

[Amanda]

I have to say, I personally liked it. Very detailed.