A Bathroom Story

A Story by Nick Blackstone

As I sit in the middle of this restaurant, waiting for my food, that this sweaty teenager assures me should be coming out any minute, I get an overwhelming feeling, my palms become clammy, my forehead sweats, and my stomach bubbles. I know this feeling all too well. I quickly look across the table at the people I am here with to see if they notice the change in my demeanor, they don’t. Paul, my coworker, is showing, Liza, my other coworker, a cool new website he has made on his smart phone, Liza politely feigns caring, I do not even bother at this point, I am currently preoccupied with more pressing matters. I politely excuse myself from the conversation they are excluding me from and make my way to the restroom; to do one of two things, but mostly the second thing. To my dismay as I enter there is someone in the handicapped stall. What the f**k. I only like to use the handicapped stall to do the number two. The extra space is relaxing, along with the ability to stretch my legs, thus helping the digestion. My bladder almost gets the best of me and I start to head towards the smaller stall, when I make the snap decision to wait it out. I do several jumping jacks and then wash my hands for about 15 minutes. Finally I hear a flush. A man with a cane exits, I am appalled. I hardly think that a cane would constitute using the handicapped stall. The man stops at the sink to wash his hands, I try to hold in my laughter. (I used all the soap from each of the sinks during my intense hand washing ceremony) He soon gives up and leaves the bathroom, with his filthy hands. FINALLY, the handicapped stall is mine. Right before I make my entrance I hear the bathroom door open, and a man in a wheelchair rolls in. Needless to say, I quickly enter the stall, to avoid the awkward conversation about how I was here first. I look under the stall to see that “Wheels” (as I will affectionately call him) has decided he will try to wait me out, rather than using the small stall…..(Glad to see I’m not alone in this.) I sit in the stall for another 10 minutes, and Wheels had yet to leave, I like his dedication I thought to myself. I then sat there for another 15 minutes, Wheels, like I, still refuses to use the small stall. I sit in the stall for another 20 minutes, literally I’m just sitting, I finished actually using the bathroom around minute 7. This has now become an experiment. Wheels is dedicated, there’s nothing stopping him from using the non-handicapped stalls, but he refuses to break. As I approach an hour in the stall, I decide that Wheels has deserved the right to use this one, and I exit. Once I open the door, Wheels is right there. He looks at me for a moment, and then looks at the small stall, the one that we both rightfully refused to use, there is an awkward moment of silence, and then I limp out of the bathroom