Official List of State Condiments (Yours Will Probably Offend You)

The description is in the title in the parenthesis.

America is famous for eating large portions of foods that are very bad for you and may or may not even be food. America is also famous for flavoring these dishes with flavorings equally as unhealthy, and are probably actually synthetic biohazards. Therefore I have taken the liberty of compiling an official list designating a condiment for all 51 states (I mentally count DC as a state and will continue to until they are granted statehood). Your states condiment will probably offend you but since you don't technically "own" your state at least you can't sue me!

Enjoy!

Alabama- sausage gravy

Alaska- crude oil

Arizona- salsa (specifically Pace brand because it didn't come from New York City)

Arkansas- Mayonnaise

California- cabernet sauvignon

Colorado- parsley 

Connecticut- olive juice (to be enjoyed in martinis)

Delaware- I Can't Believe it's Not Butter!

District of Columbia- mambo sauce

Florida- dietary supplements (all varieties)

Georgia- chicken grease

Hawaii- volcanic lava

Idaho- brown gravy (goes great on potatoes, the only food stocked by grocery stores in this state)

Illinois- mambo sauce (disputed with DC, lawsuit pending)

Indiana- mustard (the yellow kind)

Iowa- natural flavorings

Kansas- holy water

Kentucky- the Colonel's secret blend of herbs & spices.

Louisiana- Tabasco sauce (all flavors)

Maine- clam juice

Maryland- Old Bay

Massachusetts- cocktail sauce

Michigan- Little Cesars garlic sauce

Minnesota- lake water

Mississippi- fat back

Missouri- artificial flavorings

Montana- A1 sauce

Nebraska- corn syrup

Nevada- personal lubricant

New Hampshire- worcestershire sauce

New Jersey- sub sauce (referred to by Bergen County's residents as "vinaigrette" because it sounds classier)

New Mexico- enchilada sauce

New York- pizza sauce

North Carolina- barbecue sauce

North Dakota- antifreeze coolant (doesn't freeze in colder climates)

Ohio- ketchup (the red kind)

Oklahoma- high fructose corn syrup

Oregon- craft beer

Pennsylvania- Amish churned butter

Rhode Island- tartar sauce

South Carolina- saturated fat (all types)

South Dakota- crisco

Tennessee- miracle whip

Texas- gunpowder

Utah- N/A (condiments legally banned)

Vermont- grade A maple syrup

Virginia- ham glaze

Washington- kale shakes

West Virginia- Mountain Dew

Wisconsin- cheese (all kinds)

Wyoming- blood of the goats sacrificed by Dick Cheney

…….looking back none of this was actually funny and obesity is a serious, heart threatening issue. I will continue to make fun of fat people any way. Also, reading this was a waste of your time.

Author's Note

bring on the trash talk!