Chimes

My very first, and very crappy, poem. I have never really been into poetry but now it is kinda growing on me. the thing is my poem is not good and out of the four I wrote this one is the best.

If the heart is held dear

Do we have to fear

The dreadful thought of loosing our minds

To the love that there is many kinds.

 

Do we have to love

If love is not here

Do we have to lie

Just to get by

 

We say that we love

But do we love what we say

Has the truth become a lie

And a lie become truth

 

Do the words “I love you” take effect

In this dark and lonely place?

Is there really a time

That we listen to the chimes

 

The beautiful chimes

The beautiful chimes…

Author's Note

I didn't know what to put for the genre, please be as critical as you want, or perhaps need???

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Mason Watts,

For the genre, just put: poetry. It's what it is, isn't it? And don't be so critical of yourself even though writers are often the most critical of themselves. You wrote better than I did when I started out writing. This isn't a bad poem, Mason. And I can't write love poems, so don't feel bad. My love poems really, really suck. Like if you were to say my poem sucks, amplify that statement by ten or so times and there you have it. Lol.

To the poem itself: In the first stanza, you have a little off flow because in the last two lines of the stanza, you use too many redundant words. Not every sentence in a poem has to start with a capitalized letter. Actually, I would redo the last two lines of it. The fourth line of stanza one is out of context. Maybe if you were to redo it like this, "To love; of that there is many kinds." Stanza two seems kind of short and in depth, but the second stanza's ending could've been better. Use rhyming dictionaries like rhymezone.com and rhymer.com and make sure that when you place a rhyme, that when you read it, it sounds natural. And the repetition at the end is very nice. Flow is good. It's a very good writing. Good overall theme. Good job. 8.2/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[Glenn Davis]

Poetry takes time to get comfortable in. I have been writing for years and while I have grown tremendously since my start I still run across challenges. I say if you are interested in poetry then let it flow from the heart and mind, forget about what sounds great for now and just get it out. I see very much potential here. In fact it is not a bad poem at all. Better than when I first started writing, probably better than any poem I could conjure up on the subject of love even now. There are some great lines in here. The ones that stood out the most to me were; "We say that we love But do we love what we say".

[MoonlitAngel]

FIRST poem? WTF!!!! No it's not. I absolutely REFUSE to believe it. I refuse. I... OHMYGOD. Your first? Like, uno. Like... One. Like... AHHH. I refuse to believe it. This was... O.O which equals great. Not bad. This was.... Amazing. Fo sure. It was... Wow. Wow.
W
o
w.

--Blood.
(FIRST poem??????????????????)

[deeps]

I think this has deep meaning to it. It touches the heart and inside. Very well expressed write. I like this. Very well written and expressed.

[Gregory H.]

I'm probably going to be what you call mean, but, This was an ok poem...it has some room for improvement though, such as, I thought the flow on this peice was great, however it would be better if it rhyhmed a bit more. But overall A pretty good piece. (9.0/10)


Wishing you the best,
Greg

P.S. any question just mail me...ttyl...

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is beautiful. The gentle flow and meaning in your words. Many strong statements in this poem I liked. Ending is very cool. A outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Tina Kline]

A nice poem, seemed kind of playful I thought, but not bad at all. Keep writing, practice, practice, just keep writing. Often times writers are never truly satisfied with their work, neither are a lot of artists.

[Charles]

The reviews by Rain Kissed Secret and SW Scaggs are to the point and right on. All I can do is amplify a bit. The last line of the first stanza is off the mark a bit (and in the line before it, change loosing to losing). I think the second stanza looked short to SW is because the last lines of stanza one are disproportionately long (the second stanza fits the rest of the poem, however). The reversals in the third stanza (say/love and truth/lie) are strong points and show comfort with the use of words. 'Have' would be a better word than 'take' in the fourth stanza and the repitition at the end is very effective (even the ...). The theme flows well enough and the poem is otherwise tight. All in all, you get a higher rating from me than you gave yourself. Always be critical of your writing, but never negative. Good work!

[Kaitlin]

I was requested to read this poem, and now i understand why. Your poem is very similar to a poem that i have written. It has a similar theme, rhyme scheme, and structure. Please, feel free to read my poem, "Love; an absence of hate".

anyways, I feel that you captured the mood perfectly and conveyed your message flawlessly. However, some lines are awkwardly phrased. Also, if you are going to rhyme, make sure all of the lines follow the same pattern. You can't have some lines rhyme and others not. But overall, it was thoughtfully written, and it was enjoyable to read.

[Alz Alz]

Rhyme was lovely... And this poem was just enchanting...! 10/10

[Krazy On The Outside]

Wow, I really like this piece.
It's very good and has great flow.