Chimes

My very first, and very crappy, poem. I have never really been into poetry but now it is kinda growing on me. the thing is my poem is not good and out of the four I wrote this one is the best.

If the heart is held dear

Do we have to fear

The dreadful thought of loosing our minds

To the love that there is many kinds.

 

Do we have to love

If love is not here

Do we have to lie

Just to get by

 

We say that we love

But do we love what we say

Has the truth become a lie

And a lie become truth

 

Do the words “I love you” take effect

In this dark and lonely place?

Is there really a time

That we listen to the chimes

 

The beautiful chimes

The beautiful chimes…

Author's Note

I didn't know what to put for the genre, please be as critical as you want, or perhaps need???

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Mason Watts,

For the genre, just put: poetry. It's what it is, isn't it? And don't be so critical of yourself even though writers are often the most critical of themselves. You wrote better than I did when I started out writing. This isn't a bad poem, Mason. And I can't write love poems, so don't feel bad. My love poems really, really suck. Like if you were to say my poem sucks, amplify that statement by ten or so times and there you have it. Lol.

To the poem itself: In the first stanza, you have a little off flow because in the last two lines of the stanza, you use too many redundant words. Not every sentence in a poem has to start with a capitalized letter. Actually, I would redo the last two lines of it. The fourth line of stanza one is out of context. Maybe if you were to redo it like this, "To love; of that there is many kinds." Stanza two seems kind of short and in depth, but the second stanza's ending could've been better. Use rhyming dictionaries like rhymezone.com and rhymer.com and make sure that when you place a rhyme, that when you read it, it sounds natural. And the repetition at the end is very nice. Flow is good. It's a very good writing. Good overall theme. Good job. 8.2/10.

Sincerely,
S. W. Scaggs

[JRB]

keep up the work

[LadyNaida]

This is a sincere sentiment of love. Those that love with passion, do not take the word, "I love you", lightly. But those that have never experience true love will never know till they do, what love really means.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

[Lucia]

I agree with S.W. Scaggs. Don't be so hard on yourself, and I couldn't believe you when you said that this was your first poem because this was absolutely amazing! You've used simple, beautiful words that nearly every type of person could connect with. I also loved the way you took me be surprise with the line "That we listen to the chimes" Even though It's in your title I completely did not see it coming. thank you for giving me this experience of reading this, and please keep writing. I'd love to read more of your work.

[SM Davis]

Loosing or losing? Either works...loose(n) ... set free... or lose...to be free of without choice. Just curious. Nicely written.

[Breezie Kae]

Just saw that you're thirteen, that's so awesome. That's when I started on here and my stuff wasn't nearly this good. I never would have guessed.

[Breezie Kae]

Love it. :)

[Dave "Doc" Rogers]

Poetry is song without music. It tells a story from the heart. It draws the reader captive to its verse. It lets the reader touch for a brief moment a remembrance or a longing. So don't beat yourself up. You have done what many others have not. You tried. Keep at it. Study different styles. Read lots of poetry. Keep writing until you find your own voice. If you like there are some articles / essays I wrote on writing. They may or may not help, but any additional information is good.

The best part is to tell the story from your perspective or even the perspective of the charactor you created to tell the story.

Poetry is about pulse, rhythm, meter, rhyme, verse ... and there are a lot of variations out there.

In this piece, you started with a AB rhyming but the syllable meter varied with each line. Then stanza 2 went ABCC. Stanza 3 had no rhyme. Stanza 4 had almost a ABCC. Then the closing repeat lines. In form, 4 stanzas with a doublet close is not bad. It is hard work to get the story and rhyming structure to match within that frame work. So think time is involved; in porportion to what specifically you want said. And sometimes, it just flows on its own it seems.

I like the questions you are putting out there with this piece. They are emotive and relative. The 3rd stanza speaks to the flipflops of life and understanding. I think if you spend a bit more time with this theme you could work out something quite nice.

Cheers! I hope this helped.

[A]

This poem is so captivating. It also made me think. Exspecially this stanza:
"We say that we love
But do we love what we say
Has the truth become a lie
And a lie become truth"
Great poem! :)

[BloodRED6203]

It was good and I, personally, found a very blatant truth in it. Good words. Though I'm not going to lie I was a bit confused about the chimes. I cant seem to find how they fit into the theme of the poem. But then again maybe I don't truly understand the essence of the poem. I'm not quite sure, but what I do understand is that I did like the poem.

[snapstache]

that was amazing.
it's true i hear "i love you" a lot lately, and I'm beginning to wonder if it was truely meant.
Don't doubt yourself EVER.
You are amazing and I think you should definately write more poems.
Great job!
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