The loves

I don't know sometimes just need to read something cute and sweet.

I love locking eyes with a stranger
Letting your jaw drop in amazement
Content with it lasting a lifetime
But knowing it won’t
Waiting for them to break the spell
But hoping it’ll last just one second longer
Just one more breath in sync

I love falling in love with a new land
Allowing your eyes to graze the landscape
Become enchanted with every building
And appreciate every speck of dirt
Because this is in deed
The place you’ve been searching for
At least at the moment

I love watching a child try something new
Taste something sour for the first time
Learning to ride a bike

Hearing his dad cheer from the sidelines

Grow an intense avidity for new experiences
All of the firsts are somehow the sweetest
I hope to love my kids first like that

I love the classic loves
The old man holding his wife’s hand
Like he has been for forever and always
Just like he promised he would
Or first day jitters
Butterflies in your stomach over nothing
Utterly timeless

I love that I hope everyday
For someone to love me like I love these things
I wait for it, Secretly of course
I know it exists, with no proof or evidence
Like buried treasure I discovered on a map
Or in a fairy tale
I love the fairy tales too

Reviews

[Andrea]

This is amazing! I love this :)

[sana98]

this is so amazing bella really this is the real love that you talked about it

[Lyrically Inclined]

Sweet poem. Life is made up of simple moments. Take notice! Great write!

[JayG]

• I love locking eyes with a stranger
Letting your jaw drop in amazement

Makes no sense. If they're a stranger you're not talking to them. So who does "your jaw" refer to?

It can't be the speaker, because locking eyes is a deliberate act, so their jaw wouldn't drop.

It can't be the one being looked at, even you use the words "their jaw," because people either frown or smile if they find a stranger locking eyes. So I'm lost before the end of L2.

• Content with it lasting a lifetime

The subject is locking eyes. And it seems unlikely that they will do that for a "lifetime."

The problem is that you're letting intent guide you, and act as a pointer to the things in your mind that make the words meaningful. But your intent doesn't make it to the page. And necessary story detail that remains in your mind is helpful to you. but not so much for the reader.

My point: Always edit from the viewpoint of a reader who knows nothing of you or your intent, and does know only what the words they've read, to any given point, mean to them. And that their understanding is based on their life-experience, not yours. That makes it a real b***h to get right, but the goal is to pull the reader in and make them react emotionally, so we have to be careful to make our words meaningful to them.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[wordman]

beautiful thoughts,and it`s a true vision of love

[Coyote Poetry]

A wonderful poem Bella. I agree. Good to enjoy the simple and easy moments in a life. A child smile can make a bad days, a good day. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote