Mystery Night

The case has begun, the mystery is about to begin, where is the guy? is he really dead? Or what has happened? But twist's are always around the corner, how will you survive Mr Kane.

It was getting dark now, the night dawning faster with the cloud coverage blocking the sun and forcing its exit.

I sat at my desk, the image of Suzi in my mind and glass of scotch in my hand. She surely got my attention. Benny emerged from the inside room now carrying a cup of tea with him.

"How did it go?"

I handed him the package as I stretched my legs on my desk relaxing, digging deep into my own slumber.

"Holy Jesus!!! Did you sold yourself to the devil?" Benny said chuckling.

"No, we got a major gig in our hands, Benny." I replied

"What do we have to do?" Benny said looking at the money, his eye brows raised with anticipation.

"Find her brother. Apparently he is lost." 

I put it down as I blatantly as I could. I reached for the scotch. It was smooth, I loved scotch, I gulped it down in a go.

"So when do we start?" Benny asked.

He was especially excited because it was the first major case in months. We don't have much people visiting. I had invested some money during my not so crazy days and that's how we got interest from the bank, it isn't enough but we manage, Benny and me. Benny handles the house hold chores, persistent bugger wants to repay me for saving him. I let him do what he wants to, he isn't harmful.

 

"We will leave tomorrow for the town and do some investigating. Lets rest for the day." I said as I left for my room.

 ----*----*----

It was 2:00 in the morning and I wasn't asleep. I was staring right at that lamp, I never slept with lights off. It brought back the old memories. I sat on the bed when suddenly the lights went off, it was dark and it was raining heavily outside. I woke up from my bed and looked towards the window, complete darkness except the occasional burst of thunder illuminating everything nearby. It was a stormy night, perhaps an omen.

It is then I heard the shrill cry, that ear shattering, soul wrenching cry of the banshee.

"Shut the hell up will you." I shouted.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo" it began getting even more louder. The glass of scotch beside my bed shattered into pieces from the sound.

I put my hands over my ears as the sound reached higher decibels, shattering every piece of glass that lay nearby, the light bulbs burst, the scotch bottle, my reading glasses, everything was shattered.

"No, not this, not now." I said to myself as I couldn't help but close my eyes.

A few seconds, and there was total silence, not even the thunders. I thought I lost all my ability to hear. So I slowly opened my eyes. There was darkness, but then in the instant of the lightening the whole room was illuminated with blinding light and it stayed like that.

My body becoming weightless as being suspended in mid air, slowly descending down it was as if I was in another place, in a garden with wild grasses, below an apple tree. Slowly my bed hit the ground gently as on a bed of flowers, my head resting on a lap of person, whose face was slowly becoming clear.

It was Carrie.

"Am I dreaming?" I asked her.

"Yes and No, Urchin." Carrie was the only one who called me by my first name. I knew it was her and not some one else. I was laying on her lap.

"I wonder how you are here? You aren't supposed to be here, at least not for another 3 days or so." she said.

"What..." and before I could say anything else, it was almost as if I was pulled out of that garden, like a piece of painting being ripped out of the canvas. I was dragged back to the real world.

I woke up drenched in sweat.

"... are you saying, Carrie?" I almost shouted.

Benny came running into my room.

"What happened Kane? Are you alright?" he asked as he entered the room.

"I don't know. I had a bad nightmare. I think" I said as I rubbed my eyes.

"Where had you been?" Benny asked.

"What are you talking about? Where.." I was stunned with Benny's revelation. He didn't say anything, just picked up the mirror from the drawer and showed it to me.

I was dirtied with mud all over my pajamas and broken grass twigs in my hair.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Story has just begun, 3 days for Rkane, how will he ever dodge his faith. Do stay with us as we ride along with him. Will he survive??

Reviews

[Stefanie Holmes]

"It was getting dark now, the night dawning faster due to the clouds which covered the sun forcing it to its exile." Your first sentence is a bit wordy and I would change it up a bit so the reader doesn't feel overwhelmed with so much information. It could read something like this... "It was getting dark now, the night dawning faster with the cloud coverage blocking the sun and forcing its exit." It just flows a little smoother for your readers. :) You don't have to word it exactly as I did, but something similar to that.

"We don't have much people visiting." the word 'much' should be 'many'

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo" it began getting even more louder." You don't need the word 'more' in this sentence.

Just like your previous chapter you need to do some proofreading and editing. There were areas where punctuation was misused or missing. A few sentences were missing some words or had words that weren't necessary. Also, don't be afraid to experiment with combining some sentences together, because occasionally your paragraphs became choppy due to short sentences.

You left the reader with a cliffhanger, which is good. It gives them a reason to continue reading and see what happens. :)

~Stefanie

[New Theory]

Thanks Stephanie, you are helping me a lot with the editing for which I am truly greatful.
I am jotting down all your reviews, it is helping me a lot, which otherwise I wouldn't had noticed. You have been the most helpful. Thank you so so much. XX

[Stefanie Holmes]

You're welcome :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Ooooh the plot thickens and I am intrigued !!!1

[New Theory]

Yes it does.
Message from RKane: Maybe I will fail but I will do it gloriously :) . :P .

Writing on the go, lets see what happens. :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Indeed let's see what happens :)

[New Theory]

The adventures of RKane has begun, but what is the meaning of all this cryptic message, do stay with us and you will surely know about it. Hopefullly.