Fate

- I seek your help when I am going through despair. I turn my back on you when I feel joy. I am selfish…indeed.

- Every inch I walk, I expect new paths. Regardless of that, my path goes on forever and I feel like a passenger who is on an unwanted journey.

- I feel miserable when I curse you, because in the process of cursing you it feels like I am cursing my future ahead.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest and strong words shared.
"I feel miserable when I curse you, because in the process of cursing you it feels like I am cursing my future ahead."
I believe the above lines are true. Karma is a cold teacher. Thank you for sharing the amazing story and your thoughts.
Coyote

[JayG]

• I seek your help when I am going through despair.

So, someone the reader doesn't know seeks the help of someone not introduced, because they're really upset over something undefined? Perfectly meaningful to you, but what's in it for the reader?

Throughout this, and your other work, it's you talking about things meaningful to you, in terms too general to be meaningful to a reader.

Think about it: How many people come here wondering how you feel today?

My point? Poetry is NOT us talking out what matters to us. That's a report. The reader doesn't care about your emotions because you've given them no reason to want that information. They want poetry to move THEM emotionally. They want to be made to care and feel. And that takes a very different skill set than the report writing skills we're given in school.

Using those fact-based skills we'd tell the reader that we cried at a funeral. But...using the emotion-bassed skills of poetry, we would make the reader weep. And how much time did your teachers spend on how to do that? None, right?

There's a lot to writing poetry that's not obvious, but well worth the time to learn. They have, after all, been refining the techniques for centuries. And a really good way to grab those skills and make them yours is via Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. You can download a readable copy, free, at the address below, but in the end, you'll probably want your own hard copy.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

Sorry my news isn't better. But since the problem are invisible to the author till pointed out, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/