Feeling Empty

I'm hungry so hungry but the only thing I feel like eating is my own self-steam, I sit and watch it fade away years before I die, Stuck in this never ending cycle of a endless hunger, it's like looking in a mirror that's blurry either that or the vision of my self is fading. I feel the blood pulsating into my soul I feel the thorns of everyday life piercing into my heart, watching life changing, making life different. I feel lost and I have no reason...desperate for attention...burning desire is calling from nothing...it was on one of those nights when I saw him...possible a vision of beauty possible another random face morphed by the toxins breaking down. To approach or not? But his eyes had stopped me.like a supernatural barrier unwilling to let the two of us meet. These eyes burned like hot coals in a evening light. I knew from that moment these eyes would stay with me until the day I die...It's more like a cold and haunting feeling how it crawls down the spine...Taking in every breath that passes, moved through that white stitch of death and into the body. My own paranoia...I notice myself in this lonely battle, no this is bigger than a battle a war, I don't want to go to war but waiting on one I can't escape is worse. I feel as deprived as the corpse of a lost love...but I don't want to know if I'm dying...I can't believe that is the waiting that killing me. I want to wake up and this will all be a dream, I can have him...but then again I remember this is reality. And in reality there is sitting and waiting a painful process that is to be done?

 

Sit and wait? Or Push and go to far? Keep quiet and discontent? Or Loud, Outrageous, Crazy, Unique and un seemingly fake? Shall I question my mind any further? Question my self reliance? Should I start to make a new skin or sit in the same decomposing organic matter?