8. Blood Memories

"Blood Memories"
This Chapter contains mild violence, mentions of rape and child abuse (this includes Male on Female rape, and Male on Male as well, neither rape is described in detail), aftermath of self-injury, mentions of mental illness (Voices, depression, ptsd, etc.) and a decent amount of cussing.
Summary: After Frey blacks out and Rema finds him cutting himself, she learns more details about his past she doesn't know how to deal with.

-Frey-

I'm suddenly pulled from the violent memory of broken bones, blood, and repeated insults when hands grab me and yank me from the shower, throwing me on the floor.

I flashed back to a time years ago, where The Man brought home this girl.  He kept this girl in the basement with me for a few days to a week, for his sexual pleasure because, in his words, he was getting tired of f*****g me and wanted someone fresh for a change.

The young woman was terrified and traumatized by the experience, and for days hated me for not helping her and only watching.  She would call me all kinds of names, a sick pervert, sadistic b*****d, psychopathic freak. 

One day, I came back down one day after he had me help bury a body in the back yard. He was angry with me for not doing the job correctly or fast enough. He beat me to a pulp in front of the girl he kept in the basement. He bashed my face on the floor, broke my nose and my arm, and then proceeded to rape me.

She watched with the most horrified look on her face, she watched in horror for about five minutes before she began begging him to stop hurting me, sobbing.  After seeing that I was as much of a victim as her, she stopped insulting me and actually started talking to me like a normal human being.

Over the next few days, we grew close.  I never had anyone, and she offered me comfort I never felt before.  She would tell me I didn't deserve what he was doing to me, that I didn't have to do what he said.  She even made promises that she would escape and take me with her.  I didn't tell her, but I knew there was no way either of us would get out.  I knew she'd be killed and I'd be alone again.

He murdered her in front of me once he realized I was getting close to her.  He raped her and then stabbed her to death right before my eyes.  He then tortured me, telling me the whole time that no one could possibly love me. That I was not meant for love, or family, or any human connection of any kind.

That was when I lost complete hope.

"Frey!" I'm pulled from my memories once again to see Rema above me, shaking me and screaming. "What the f**k is wrong with you? What the f**k do you think you're doing trying to kill yourself in my f*****g shower?!"

She was crying.

I could only stare at her as she pressed towels to my wrists.

"You were in here for way too long, and you wouldn't answer me when I knocked on the door... I thought you passed out from your head injury, so I came in..." She clenched her teeth, more tears spilling down her face. Her tone turning almost bitter, "I didn't think I'd find you slitting your wrists in here.  I couldn't even get you to stop, I had to yank the razor blades from your hands!"

I notice the small cuts on her fingers and hands.  I want to feel bad and I should feel bad, but I don't. I can't feel a thing.

"I didn't do anything." I tell her in a flat, cold tone.

To my surprise, she slaps me across the face and holds my wrist up in front of me. "Didn't do anything? What the f**k is this? Huh?" She hits me again with the palm of her hand, upside my head.

I don't answer her, not moving an inch or turning my face back towards her since she hit me.  My cheek stings, and the voice tells me to beat her to death for it.

Her eyes soften and shoulders drop. "I'm sorry..." She whispers, "I shouldn't have hit you.  I'm sorry..."

"Get away from me." I growl at her.

"I'm sorry, Frey. I don't know what I was thinking, I shouldn't have smacked you like that. I'm sorry." Her tears start flowing faster.

"I said, get away from me." I grind my teeth, a part of me wanting to tear her apart. "Get away. Now."

"Frey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, you just really scared me. I-"

"Get the f**k away from me!" I shove her backwards hard, and she smacks her head on the wall.

She stares at me with wide, teary eyes. Her hand rubs the back of her head, then she stands up, picks up the razors and walks from the room.


-Rema-

I hold a bag of frozen peas to my throbbing head, sitting in the living room and trying to stop crying.  I can't believe what just happened...  I feel horrible.  He was trying to kill himself and what was my reaction? Hit the guy across the face and scream at him.  Great plan, genius.  I don't know why I did what I did.  He just made me so angry, the way he said he didn't do anything with that blank, uncaring expression.  Like nothing mattered, like how terrified I was didn't matter.

He comes out a few moments later, sitting down on the chair beside me. "Is your head alright?" He asks, that same blank look on his face.

"Yeah..." I put the peas on the coffee table.  "I... I'm sorry I freaked out... I shouldn't have done that."

"It's fine."

Why does he have to be so difficult?

"No, It's not. I hit you. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry."

"I've had worse done to me for cutting myself, and that didn't even work. But A for effort." The mixture of bitterness and sarcasm makes my chest ache.

"I didn't mean to hit you." I repeat myself. "I had no reason to do that and I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

The room becomes silent again and I sit there for a while until the stress gets thick enough to cut and the lack of noise hurts my ears.

"Why'd you cut yourself?" I ask, finally.

He shrugs, "Something came over me.  Probably the voices. I don't know, I blacked out."

"Were you trying to kill yourself?"

"No." He answered quickly, "Like I said, I didn't choose to do it. I blacked out and came to with you yanking me out of the damn shower."

I frown, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that.  I was worried when you didn't come out after a while and didn't answer me when I knocked on the door... I didn't look or anything though."

He laughed. The sound surprised me, I think this is the first time I actually heard him laugh without sounding demonic or insane.

"So, you black out pretty often? Lose track of time?"

He nods, "Can't really say it's total black outs. The voice sends me into memories, and takes over my body for a while."

"Memories?" I ask, "Did you remember something?"

"Just this woman The Man brought home one day.  She stayed in the basement with me for a while, I got actually rather close to her. Then he murdered her in front of me." He tells me numbly. I can see grief flash before his eyes for a moment, before disappearing into that void again.

I'm not sure really how to answer that.  It must have been traumatic for him... To grow up seeing things like that. "Why? Did keep people down there with you often?"

He shakes his head, "Nope. He said he was tired of f*****g me and wanted fresh meat for once." His expression is so blank, it's haunting.

"Wait, He... raped you?"

"Yeah. What does that surprise you because I'm a man?" He nearly snapped at me.

"No, It isn't that I just... You don't seem like the type that got..." I trail off, the glare he's giving me making me feel small and cornered.

"I wasn't always so fucked up looking." He smirked, but in a more bitter and sarcastic way.

"I didn't mean it like that..." I tell him, I pick at my nail polish.

He just seemed so strong and confident all the time, not like someone who had their innocence stolen from them.  He seemed too... as weird as it sounds, stable.  But as I think about it, this man kept him for years and years, it shouldn't surprise me that he took advantage of him.  It hurts my heart when I realize the poor guy probably never had a sexual experience other than that man.

"I'm really sorry he did that to you... My husband did the same to me several times, and I loved him at once point... I couldn't imagine some stranger who kidnapped me and kept me in a basement assaulting me like that... It must have been awful." I whisper, looking back up at him.

"It was. Now, can we not talk about it." He says through clenched teeth.

"Of course. I'm sorry." I trail off again, silence taking over the room.

Author's Note

A/N: Okay, so Frey's still a suicidal psychopath and angsty as fuck, and Rema's really upset when she finds homeless serial killers cutting her in shower.
This chapter mainly focuses on Frey's backstory, his crazy voice that's trying to kill him, and the fucked up guy who kidnapped him, kept a chick in his basement just so Frey would get close to her, and then murdered her in front of him. Frey's got a pretty tragic life, no wonder he's a demented serial killer with voices in his head.
First off, Yes, Rema smacked him. That's mean, but she's kind of impulsive when she's overly emotional. She feels bad about it obviously. The reason Frey didn't just beat the shit out of her for it is because he does feel connection toward her, and couldn't bring himself to do it. Also, like he mentions, he was beaten for trying to kill himself before, so he's kind of used to it.
Secondly, Yes, Frey got raped. Now, it adds a bit to his character as a serial killer, because many male serial killers were sexually abused as children and that usually plays a part in their murdering habits. Also, Male sexual abuse is not a uncommon thing, and I feel as though it's something that should be expressed and not treated as a taboo. Many people might not bat an eye when they read that Rema was raped by her husband, but for a man some people find it odd. As a warning, this isn't the only mention of this and there is M/M and F/M rape in this story. If that makes you uncomfortable or triggers you in anyway, best stop reading my story now - 'cause it only gets worse from here.