6. Unfold

The two serial killers tell their stories, lying the cards on the table. Rema wants nothing more than a friend, while Frey wants to just be left alone.

-Frey-

She looks up at me again. Hazel eyes connecting with mine. So many emotions in her eyes.  I can read each one like words on a page of a book.  Sorrow. Fear. Regret. Loathing. Shame. Hurt. So much hurt.

"It started with my husband.  After he lost his job, he went into a depression and began drinking. In a few short months, he didn't even bother to look for a job anymore. He started hating everything. Angry at everything.  He took it out on me..." Her voice cracks, but eyes don't leave mine. "He beat me and took advantage of me for years.  I had no one.  My family disowned me when I was nineteen, he wouldn't let me talk to any of my friends.  His buddies and even his own parents hated me and ignored his actions. No one ever once tried to save me.  I couldn't leave. I had no where to go and he was sure to put in my head that no one would ever love me and I couldn't live without him."

"One day, it got real bad.  I thought I was pregnant... I told him before I knew for sure.  Just mentioned it to him that I might be, so he'd know.  He decided to kick me in the stomach..." Her face grows sour. "He said he was going to kill me and 'it' and he attacked me.  Next thing I knew, a strange feeling of anger came over me.  All I could think about was this child I was carrying... I blacked out.  I grabbed one of the kitchen knives and just stabbed him...  By the time I realized what I was doing it was too late... He was dead..." The pain and hurt mixes with grief. "I lost the baby."

"I lost my job then. Started working the streets. Got arrested for..." She bites her tongue. "No one would hire me.  So I started working for a dance club.  It only made it worse.  My mind can't process what happened all those years ago. When someone touches me, a part of me takes over and attacks.  I can't stop myself anymore... Sometimes I'm not even sure if the person was really trying to hurt me or if I just got paranoid...  I've been doing it for about two years now."

She exhales, breaking eye contact and grabbing a pack of smokes from her purse on the coffee table.

I'm not sure what to tell her.  I have no real feelings I can name. No words I can put together.  I know there's nothing I could say to make her feel better or change what happened to her. So I just look at her blankly and mumble. "I understand."

I know she's suffered, and she still feels pain for what she went through.  I can see that pain and the self-blame she feels.  It isn't like I can't see it, or like I don't care.  I just don't know how to reply to any of that.  She poured her heart out to me, and all I can do is stare at her blankly.

She wipes her eyes before any tears could fall too far, blinking away the ones in her eyes. "Your turn..."

I debate even telling her a damn thing. Tempted to just get up and walk out, but a part of me feels as though I owe her now.  At least owe her a bit.


-Rema-

He shows very little emotion toward my story.  Not as if he doesn't care, he listens but shows no real reaction.  Just that same blank look again, like he's completely numb to everything.

I still feel foolish for untying him and not just calling the police. I know that if he wanted to, he could try to kill me again.  Maybe I should have left him tied and called the police, but I felt bad, being bound was obviously traumatizing for him and I would know that reaction anywhere... It's a trauma flashback. I have them myself.

"It's all I've ever known.  All that has ever been a part of my life that makes sense. I've always killed or at least been around death.  It's all I've ever been.  I have no name. No memory of family or a life before.  No home. No schooling. Nothing. I have nothing else.  So it is the only thing normal to me.  The only thing I know how to do." He tells me flatly after a long couple minutes.

I almost thought he wasn't going to say anything and just leave me here, open and exposed of all my secrets.

"How do you not have any memory of your life? For how long have you not had memory of your life?" I lean forward, edge of my seat. Why is he so damn vague?

"I remember nothing before around seven or eight, I guess? I don't know... The years ran together over time. As far back as I can remember I was this, I remember nothing but death, blood, and darkness.  He showed me it all. Taught me everything.  Renamed me and made me this."

"Who? A family member? Father?"

He shakes his head, smirking slightly in a bitter manner. "He wasn't my Father. He made that very clear."

"You were taken?"

"Guess so. I don't know." He shrugs. Unlike me, he won't even glance at me. "He was very... demanding... Strict... He wanted to teach me these things... Said he didn't want to be alone anymore... He would keep me in his basement, never told anyone about me.  I never went outside... He would get so angry with me when I made a mistake or didn't understand what he was telling me to do...  And if I didn't do it... F**k, would I get it..."

"Did he give you all those scars?"

He nods.

What a poor soul.  Taken and warped and turned into a murderer.  He lived in a basement? Never saw the outside world? Taught to murder people?  It doesn't seem real... Seems like something awful enough to be in some messed up horror film.

"I started hearing this... voice...  It used to only be in the closet.  He'd lock me in there for days, knowing how much I hated small places... I heard this... voice.  It kept telling me to kill him. To run away. To get freedom.  It started coming around more and more, until it was all I could hear anymore..."

"The man got real bad once I started getting into my late teens. The older I got the more violent he became.  He said I was too weak... He was trying to make me stronger, but he only kept breaking me worse the more he'd punish me... He used to beat the living f**k out of me everyday.  Burn me, cut me, break my bones, you name it - he did it."

He says it so casually, like it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.  It's almost impossible to believe, but I saw all the scars to prove it...

"I couldn't take it anymore.  The voice wouldn't let me. Every time I heard those footsteps, it knew what he was going to do to me.  The voice was so angry with me for just letting him do it. It called me weak and told me I had to stop him.  It said I didn't have to be hurt anymore... All I had to do was listen to it. I tried to ignore it, but when he came down stairs and started with me again... I just couldn't.  I couldn't take it anymore... He tormented and degraded me and made me feel like killing myself every day... I just... Snapped...  I just started bashing his face in.  I took him by surprise, I don't think he was expecting it. But for some reason, I couldn't find it in myself to kill him... I did leave him in a bloody mess when I walked out." He almost smiles. A crooked smirk showing cracked and broken teeth that man probably knocked out.

"After that, I just left that godforsaken hell hole and tried to survive out here... But this place was confusing and completely new to me... All I know how to do is killing... So that's what I do..."

"I... Don't understand... When you escaped that sick b*****d why didn't you get help? Tell someone what happened to you? Who knows, you may have family looking for you. It sounds like you were kidnapped."

He chuckles, almost sarcastically. "Look at me. Who in their right mind would want me?  And if I told anyone what he did, chances are no one would believe me and even if they did, they'd only throw me in a hole to rot until I die.  So I had no choice, I just got free. I didn't want to get locked away again."

I stare at him with wide eyes. "But you were just a kid... Where did you get these ideas?"

"He told me." I should have figured... "He said I'm just as guilty as him and if I told anyone about what he did to the people or what he did to me, they would throw me in a hole just like him."

"You were a kidnapped child, Frey. He forced you to do those things against your will and hurt you when you didn't obey him! You weren't guilty. You were just as much of a victim as the people he killed, if not more." My heart breaks, aching in empathy.  His mind was twisted just like mine was.

"I'm not stupid. I know he lied to me, but by the time I found out he lied it was too late."

"Frey... I'm sorry.  I feel bad binding your wrists now... I must have traumatized you." I think back.  The person I saw when I tied him up to try to protect myself was not the person in front of me. He turned from a lifeless and dark demeanor to a complete panicking mess, nearly crying by the time he convinced me to untie him and promised he wouldn't hurt me.  He pulled so hard on that blanket around his wrists he rubbed them raw and reopened the freshly self-inflicted cuts on his arm.

"I'd rather you not mention that." He looks away, face turning red and eyes cast down. "That wasn't me... It was only a memory of a person that isn't me."

That traumatized child must still be in there somewhere... Meaning he does have a soul... A really damaged one.

"You can stay here." I blurt without thinking. "You don't have to be alone out there."

He c***s a brow at me as if I'm insane. I don't blame him for thinking that.  A part of me just wants him near me, wants him in my life.  I don't know why... I just never had anyone who understood what I do and what I feel. I didn't have anyone I could relate to or anyone I could be myself around without being judged or turned in.  I want someone so badly. I'm so tired of hiding myself... and I'm so lonely.

"I'm going to leave.  There's no reason for me to stay with you.  Why are you even asking that? I tried to murder you."

I don't know why. I just need him.

"You can't leave." I tell him. "We could help each other. Get our lives together... Live happily and normally."

"Those are two things I never had, I don't need them. Also, I'd be of no help to you. I've never helped anyone a day in my life." He answers coldly.

"I can help you then!"

"There is no help for me.  This is all I have ever been. I can't change. I know nothing else."

So tragic... Stupid Rema... You always draw these broken, hopeless train wrecks to you and try to fix them.

"Please, just stay."

He didn't listen.

Author's Note

A/N: So the cards are all out on the table.
My poor serial killers are traumatized little serial killers. It's no wonder they kill people.

This chapter contains mentions of murder, mentions of physical and sexual abuse, mentions of domestic violence, mentions of kidnapping and child abuse, and sensitive subjects such as mental illness, violence towards women, and miscarriage due to abuse.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest, direct and amazing storyteller skills in this chapter.
"Those are two things I never had, I don't need them. Also, I'd be of no help to you. I've never helped anyone a day in my life." He answers coldly."
I liked the above lines. The chapter held my attention till the last word. Some people cannot find or know any kind of peace. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, this chapter was kind of emo and dark, but I'm glad it kept your attention and you enjoyed it.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. =) I have up to chapter 8 up, I believe, and I'll upload the next ones pretty soon, since I have up to 11 already revised and editted.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are doing well. I will read them later. The house is finally quiet.

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, I actually have the whole draft written out and everything, I'm just working on revising and all. so I upload fast.