At the End of the Day

For a moment I forgot,

Forgot the feelings that take hold.

For a second I forgot, 

Forgot the pain I lay in.

For a couple seconds,

A few minutes,

A couple hours,

I forgot the negativity.

The negative thoughts and self image.

The feeling of wanting to be someone else,

To be smarter, prettier, to be not you.

To look better, different, 

To be better, think faster, think smarter.

For a moment I forgot.

But it always comes back.

Sooner or later it always comes back.

At the end of the day, I can’t escape.

I’ll just never escape,

It’s fine I can handle the pain.

Its fine cause I’ll handle it.

I’ll be okay, don’t worry.

I’ll just cry myself to sleep,

Or avoid pictures and mirrors.

I’ll skip my homework and fail my tests.

I’ll avoid it,

I’ll avoid things that remind me.

But nothing works. 

And no matter what I do,

It all gets worse.

It’s fine though,

Since, others have it worse,

And I should be thankful.

But it’s fine, I’m too stubborn anyways,

Too self conscious and passive,

I’ll hide it,

I’ll hide all the pain and tears,

The scars and thoughts, 

I’ll drown silently, for you. 

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[John the Baptist]

The sad fact is that until we can love who we are, as we are, we shall not be happy.